Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[chickened]

I suppose you are right in that regard as people do not always get married or shack up out of love and respect for each other, usually it is for convenience. Marriage doesn't seem to be as "cool" anymore.
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I can appreciate that perspective! I understand and recognize that as a huge part of relationships and especially marriages. If one loves someone, of course they will be willing to make sacrifices and do uncomfortable things for the person they love. I think I'm thinking more along the lines of abusive situations, and people who make poor life decisions as an attempt to align with the desires of other people. Like what the original poster was talking about, where people become a "doormat" for others because their self-esteem is poor or because they believe they have to do these things in order to make people happy. Now that is certainly unhealthy, and sad...

 

[hikerchick]

All I can say to you Chickened, is that I was far lonlier being married than I have ever been single. Single does not equal lonely.

You clearly have a great relationship; not everyone does. Should I have allowed myself to become a punching bag for my alcoholic husband in the interest of being nice and putting him before myself?

Not this chick.

 

[KristyHall]

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well said

 

[chickened]

I would agree, my sister was literally a punching bag with her first husband. The best thing about those years was he was in jail more than he was out of jail. The last visit by him was in the Nevada State Penitentiary and he acquired AIDS and lived about 10 years after he got out. I would have bailed also in your case.
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[KristyHall]

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yuck

 

[Junkmanme]

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PERSONALLY, I think this opinion is FANTASY and HOGWASH.

It is merely one person's opinion....where there are many other opinions to the contrary.

-Junkmanme-

 

[KristyHall]

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PERSONALLY, I think this opinion is FANTASY and HOGWASH.

It is merely one person's opinion....where there are many other opinions to the contrary.

-Junkmanme-

now I don't call your oppinions and observations hogwash.

but since you disagree, i would like hear examples of experiences and/or studies that lead to your observations. (I'm not being sarcastic I genuinely want to know. one can always learn from descenting opinions.)

 

[WickedNerd]

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PERSONALLY, I think this opinion is FANTASY and HOGWASH.

It is merely one person's opinion....where there are many other opinions to the contrary.

-Junkmanme-

I need clarification on what part you think is hogwash, Junkmanme. I don't necessarily agree completely with boys resorting to bad behavior as a means to display their masculinity, though I do see some of them pull off some rather...for the lack of a better word, stupid stunts. "I can go further than you," is a prime example of a game that can quickly get out of hand that kids do to show who's top dog. I know. I played it when I was a kid (competing with the boys to show them I was just as good, if not better, as they were....and yes, some of the things I did were very stupid).

Girls are displaying their dominance more and more, and it is clear when you look in how they interact with each other. When I taught 6th grade, some girls were very abusive towards others and one even flushed another girl's glasses because she dared to stand up to her. So, I don't know what part you're disagreeing with, but I think that the manner in which you did it was a little rude. Kristy's opinion is just as valid as your own.

 

[chickened]

Is nice girl syndrome a bad thing? My opinion is that it is not necessarily a bad thing and in fact is a desirable trait found in a woman when a man is searching out a wife just as security and responsibility is when a woman seeks a husband. I am not ready to call the idea hogwash but more a cause and effect reaction to a misunderstanding of what it means to submit to your spouse in and out of love.

 

[KristyHall]

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it is a bad thing IMO when it means to "submit" to one's husband and be determined as a possession or as less than the men in their lives.