now i need some advice.

[agnes_day]

i hate airing dirty laundry in public, but i am so upset right now..i accidentally read several emails between my brother and sister and i am devastated..to backtrack a little, i am the youngest out of 3 kids and i have never had a particularly close relationship with either of them, but i have tried..anyways, they were talking about how fat and stupid i am, saying that they hated talking to me on facebook and that they cant stand me and a bunch of other things i cant say here, as they are very adult in nature (and very not true).
i feel like someone has punched me in the stomach..i just cant believe my own flesh and blood could do this at all.

 

[booker81]

Hugs!!!!!!

Lets just say my brother and I have not had the best relationship for a long time....and when he was living across the country I didn't talk to him. Now he's 15 miles away, best friends with my DH, and I have to be civil.

Another one - my mom's brother's disowned her 10 years ago over a property dispute. Her life has been much more stable since then.

On one hand, of course it wasn't right to read emails not intended for you, but the damage is done, eyes can't unsee (and believe me, I know how hard it would have been to stop after seeing your name in there....) You can retaliate, or you can wash it out and know you are better and stronger than they think of you. Your siggy says you have a husband of 18 years, talk with him, and decide if it's time to just wash the negative out and avoid your siblings, or to briefly confront and state you found out they were speaking ill of you and wish them to stop. Keep it simple and without detail.

Unfortunately, we can't choose the people we are related to

 

[Boyd]

Do you want to still be a part of their side of the fam? I guess that's question. If it were me, I'd confront them on it, or do something like forward it to both from your own personal email and let them know you'll talk to them and their family when you are good and ready. Let them stew on it a bit.

 

[agnes_day]

i sent them both copies of what they had said..i dont think i have too much to say after this..i am just seriously amazed that they would even say the stuff they did. even more so, i cant believe my brother said the things he said when he stood in my very own house last week and went to my sons christening.

 

[thechickenchick]

I am so sorry they hurt your feelings. I think you did the right thing by letting them know that you know what was being said. I really doubt they can say anything that will make you feel better at this point but they may try. It is up to you to decide what to do from here. Other than this incident do you all have a close relationship?

DISCLAIMER - I am probably not the best one to give advice on this matter. I choose not to have my only sister in my life. Her behavior was very toxic to my life and mental well being. I haven't spoken to her in about 5 years. My life is much more calm and stable. No regrets.

 

[rancher hicks]

First of all Sweet heart I know it hurts cuz they're family. Unfortunately I've realized that my kids are like other family members in certain ways and not all of them good. Some think far to much of themselves others not enough. The drama goes on.

What some consider stupid is really not and what some consider smart is really not. We all have different scales of what intelligent is. I have a friend who didn't think so much of his situation cuz he doesn't make alot of money, live in a big fancy house or drive a bmw. But his marriage is good, his kids love him and they seem happy.
Now I got a neighbor who has a big gorgeous house with garage space for four cars and has two suv's. Only thing is he has no friends. I never see any cars parked in the drive other than his.
So I ask you who's smarter?

I have or had 3 bro, 4 sis and am not close to any really. I have sent Christmas cards to all for years before I retired and I might hear from some but we really don't have alot in common. That may be your situation here. You may not share the same interests or have the same values.

It's hard in life when the ones who should love you don't, but it's not a measure of your worth. I remember something Patty Duke, who suffers from depression, said. She said, "Things got better when I learned not to judge myself through other peoples eyes".

So don't judge yourself through your bro and sis eyes.

Personally the fact that they would put something like what they said about you out there for everyone to see, just shows how unsmart they are.

Chin up and carry on.

Rancher

 

[agnes_day]

thank you so much everyone! seriously, this really helps a lot.

 

[slackwater]

 

[ranchhand]

Let it slide, nothing you can do that won't make a bad situation worse. Sorry it happened, been there, done that. You are a fine person, pretend you're a duck and let it roll off.

And no more snooping in someone else's email, young lady!

 

[chicmom]

Well, I am very sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, we can't pick our relatives. I would just keep silent about it. You can forgive, but just don't forget. When you forgive someone, it's not for them, it's for YOU. This is because carrying a grudge against someone can really make your heart heavy and change the good person that YOU are.

So feel sorry for THEM because they're the mean-hearted, pathetic ones, and you're not like them. I feel your pain. I've been trough very similar things.