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Screech, screech, screech.....seems reasonable under the circumstances
Not really. I'm pretty scary evil right now. I KNOW I learned this behavior and I also know I don't LIKE being like this because I know it's about 100% horrible.
But grrrr, I'm pissy and life sucks.
Maybe so, however, you are aware of it and you don't like it, so don't beat yourself up so much. Life can SUCK but usually gets better after a time. You have two new babies to look forward to, a nice husband, and a bunch of great kiddos. All in all, things could be worse. Don't take on your dead friends childs pain.