Oh Craigslist, You Amuse Me So!

[wholehearted]

Also, if you are looking for the green eggs with higher protein...

http://dayton.craigslist.org/grd/4464131538.html

Quote:

 

[vehve]

Oh, poor kitty!! LOL!!

http://winstonsalem.craigslist.org/for/4456835193.html

Free, Absolutely Horrible Cat (Winston Salem)

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Have you ever wanted a truly awful animal as a pet? An animal that will scream all hours of the day for no reason? Something with claws that will destroy your furniture? Something that will **** in your house anywhere except its designated space? Something that sheds so much it breaks your vacuum cleaner? Well, have I got a cat for you.

Meet this obnoxious animal. His name is Jones, and he is an 11ish-year old white cat. He is thoroughly, inexplicably broken. He just came this way. We wanted to get a playmate for our other cat about 7 years ago. We thought we were doing this giant white ball of insanity -- and the world -- a favor when we adopted him. We said to ourselves, "Isn't it sad how no one adopts the older animals? Maybe we should get an older cat." So we did. What we forgot to ask ourselves was "Is there a reason this cat was abandoned? Is there a reason no one is adopting him?"

Sadly, there was a reason. It's because he is a terrible cat. Possibly the worst cat. He's skittish, so there's no playing with him. He refuses to stay dedicated to any litterbox. He is worse than a hound dog in regards to unwanted noise. He prefers to hide all day long, only to emerge when you're sleeping so that he can wake you up with his incessant caterwauling. His white hair is visible on everything you own, so you have to clean up after him constantly.

When we moved to Winston, we decided we'd had enough. So, we made him an outdoor cat. Now, instead of screaming inside our house, he sits outside and screams. We hear him just as well as we did before, and now our neighbors do, too. So this isn't working, either.

We've tried. We're good owners, despite hating our animal. We treat him well, we buy him toys, we try to play with him...none of that works. We've taken him to several different vets to see if there's anything that can be done to help chill him out -- the short answer is "no." But because we're still stupidly compassionate toward this animal, we can't bring ourselves to just leave him at a shelter.

So, I don't know. Do you want an awful animal for a pet? I mean, he's fixed and healthy, so that's something. Oooh! Maybe you have an elderly relative who wants companionship, but is nearly deaf? That would be a great fit. Or maybe you're some sort of masochist, and this appeals to you on a primal level? Maybe you want to teach your children some strange lesson about responsibility? Whatever your reason, you can have this cat as long as you promise to be good to it, despite the fact that he'll never be good to you. No feeding him to your snake or putting him into any "Of Mice & Men" situations or anything.

And if you do take Jones off our hands, I'll buy you the full "Insane Cat Start-Up Kit," which includes a litterbox, three month's worth of food and ear plugs for everyone who lives under the roof of his new home.

If you want our misery to be yours, just send me an email. I'll bring him straight to you, under the condition that you never bring him back.​

The person looking to unload this cat is awesome. Almost soiled myself reading that.

 

[SilkiesForEver]

Also, if you are looking for the green eggs with higher protein...

http://dayton.craigslist.org/grd/4464131538.html

Quote: Wow.... $400 for a dozen eggs. My prices are waaaayyyy too low.

 

[donrae]

Wow.... $400 for a dozen eggs. My prices are waaaayyyy too low.

Mine too! I've been giving those high-protein (amazed they didn't make the old claim about lower cholesterol, too!) eggs away every week at church. Man, I could have had those breeding pens built just by selling a few dozen eggs

 

[subhanalah]

Oops, never mind

 

[Gargoyle]

Mine too! I've been giving those high-protein (amazed they didn't make the old claim about lower cholesterol, too!) eggs away every week at church. Man, I could have had those breeding pens built just by selling a few dozen eggs

Since you gave them away at church, at $400/dozen you should have a great charitable deduction to claim on your income tax form.
Have your accountant use Craigslist as supporting documentation.

 

[Angelicisi]

 

[SilkiesForEver]

That's so funny.

 

[subhanalah]

come on guys, he seems sincere.

 

[heartsizedfarm]

come on guys, he seems sincere.

I think I'd rather have Jones the cat.