OK- When you KNOW your life is about to change BIG TIME

[Birch Run Farm]

OK, I feel I am being called once again to save one of my brothers. I did it once, saved my oldest brother from the miserable streets of Pontiac many years ago. I had almost nothing but big debt from college at the time and a new job that didn't pay the bills for many months. But I took him in, bare foot with no clothes and no personal possessions and no job. I paid for everything for quite awhile.

That was 23 years ago and he pretty much has no respect for me and has never been thankfull and hates me to this day.

A little about him, he is a drug dealer for most of his finances and live quite well with under-the-table jobs and thus does not pay much in taxes. In other words he does not make an honest living. I took him into my home (an apartment) and two years latter had to leave because he wouldn't and I am not a druggie.

Now one of my other brothers is in trouble. He is a serious substance abuser and followed his older brother but became so addicted it was scary. His health is so bad he could bleed out practically any time. His employer just laid him off after he finished a commercial contract upgrade for a hospital. The contractor needed him for his journeyman's license and now has dumped all of the employees. None of them were employed long enough to collect unemployment. Most of which were hired from out-of-state, including my brother.

This brother called me today desperate, he has $390 to his name, enough for a train ticket from Montana to Vermont. I am facing a big salary cut, gigantic property taxes, massive cost of living and who knows what else. Yet I could sure use some help on the farm, a lot of help. Yet I have been burned in the past from the other brother.

I doubt my story is unique, but I am so afraid.....

 

[WriterofWords]

There is a difference between helping family and enabling family and being abused by family. They have to learn to stand on their own two feet and they won't if you rescue them constantly. You can't have drugs in your house or you are flushing your life down the toilet too. Tell him you are sorry, but you are barely making it yourself, good luck to him, you'll pray for him but you can't take him in right now. And don't feel guilty or allow him or anyone else to make you feel that way. You have other family members who can step up once in awhile.

 

[debilorrah]

Keep a very close eye on him. Check your computer, phone records, demand to know where he is when he isn't there, keep your purse locked up along with any medications and/or alcohol. I won't go into details, but I know from experience. He will either be grateful for the roof over his head, or resent you. Either way, you will know quickly if you can help him or not.

and many many heartfelt prayers for you!

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
What she said. x 10

Your ship is barely afloat and you are considering taking some one on board with a long history of drilling holes into the bottom of his own boat.

 

[hennypenny9]

Goodness that sounds scary. The only tiny bit of experience I have is watching my mom and step dad take in my four step brothers. They all were with their mothers (yes, plural), until bad things started happening, and the moms didn't want to deal with upset teenage boys. So they got sent to my house. Of course, none had drug problems or anything. One was running away from a gang problem, though.

In the end three of the four are well adjusted normal men, and one is a lazy bum that gets into trouble with the law. You can't win them all, I guess.

I would say that if you feel you can deal with it emotionally, then maybe consider taking him in. If you'll break down from stress, it isn't worth it.

My parents were always firm, but it certainly paid off for the three...

 

[redhen]

i would at least try to help this brother..he sounds as if he was at least working in montana...the problem with a drug addict is you cant trust them...and when they re-lapse there goes your stereo and your watch....if i let him move in with me..i'd watch him like a hawk..AND i'd make it very clear to him...if he ever brings any drugs into your house...you'll call the cops asap...if he ever steals from you..you'll press charges aganist him...tell him its his choice..but that you ARE serious... let him make the choice, but make it clear that you will turn him in if he does any of these things in your house...but..i'd give him a chance. sometimes getting away from the druggie crowd and starting clean and in a new enviroment will give someone the help they need to get clean. you have my best wishes. drug addiction is a hard,sad thing to cope with for ALL involved.

 

[moonlyghtegirl]

Be compassionate but firm. If he does come to you, seek out community programs that can offer help to him and make it clear that you can only help him if he is ready to help himself. There are many things your brother can do yo help himself. Because you have been blessed with not having the disease of addiction, do not allow yourself to feel guilty, there is no reason to do so. With addiction, even though it is a disease, the use of drugs or alcohol (or whatever) is a choice.

 

[Turtle]

Quote:
Red Hen is right, I tried to help out a loved one on drugs and ended up burned also. I would demand he gets into a rehab program or some kind of AA group if you decide to help. Good luck and I am praying for both you and your brother.

 

[Birch Run Farm]

Thanks all, a lot of great suggestions and good thoughts to consider!

 

[nzpouter]

I take it he's a grown man? Get him into a rehab program, he doesn't need to stay with you.