Okies in the BYC The Original

[al6517]

Carla ; get some rest girl, don't worry if your having your big one we are still going to do something special for you, we all love ya. ask Gerald if he would like to borrow my camoflaged inflatable donut to sit on, ouch I hate those colon thingy's, my wife made me get one last yr.

AL

 

[Buster52]

Quote:
We did a whopping 3 (that's right, THREE) roosters!!!

From the beginning, this bunch was meant to be a learning experience, so it was just the right amount for the deal. Al did the first and explained while I watched, I did the second start to finish while he talked me through, and he had me feeling like an old pro by the third one.

Plus, it was a beautiful day to do it.

It was actually a great experience all the way around.

 

[nnbreeder]

Well no rain for us last night but there sure was a great light show! This summer the storms have split and went around us here which is usual for this time of year.

Great on the fall POOPS. Teva has been asking about it almost daily.

I would almost bet that she would make more of the nanner puddin for this one too.

 

[HennyPennies2007]

Carla, so glad you guys are safe..I was starting to worry about you guys...What a long adventure. Praise God you are OK.... You will need your rest before your little trip downtown. They are probably already adjusting the racks and thumbscrews. I would rather owe the Mafia than the IRS.....Dirty rats.

I had a lower GI once. It was horrible. The prep was bad then the test! OMG....I told Mike if anyone ever says, "up yours" to me again, I'm taking it personal. My poor mom...the last time she was in the hospital, she had a HIDA scan, A CT scan, an endoscopy, and a colonoscopy, all in the same day. She is tough. All that with a catheter.....

I told Mike when my heart finally explodes...just dump me in a bar ditch for the buzzards....

Poor Mikey... back at work. Another section out......

 

[okcarla]

Well, since mentioning the colon thingies ... here's a forwarded email that someone shared with me a while back. I figure I'll share it with ya'll first, and then with Gerald after the procedure, so I don't get him too worried.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone here ... if so, I'll remore it.

Subject: FW: colonoscopy journal

"This is for all of you that have had a colonoscopy....or have one in your future...or recommend your patients to have one!

Colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may
experience contact with the ground

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative.. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when
you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.


On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

 

[al6517]

Carla :
Ok I just read this and my cheeks still hurt from laughing, my DW is still cracking up she loved it too, as she too has had the privlage of having one of these. Thanks it was way too funny.

AL

 

[okcarla]

Quote:
That fella could definitely describe the experience well, couldn't he

 

[Stray]

Quote:

Love it~!!

 

[Stray]

Quote:
What wig?

ROTFLMAO....

Good to know somebody understands.

 

[HennyPennies2007]

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Welcome catfish!!! Good to have ya!!

You gotta love a guy bold enough to jump in while we are going on about colonoscopies and Brittany Spears! That's enough to scare most resonable folks away...He's gonna fit right in!!!