Once a pitcher always a pitcher.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by theoldchick, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. theoldchick

    theoldchick The Chicken Whisperer Premium Member

    May 11, 2010
    When I was a young girl I had a good throwing arm. I was always selected first and always voted to be the pitcher for the team. Despite being a girl I could throw like a boy. I could slice the air with stitched leather in a way many boys were envious of. Being of Catholic persuasion I was soon put on the softball team and taught how to throw like a girl. That sissy namby pampy under arm method that made me grit my teeth. But being the good Catholic I was I learned the game, and was good at striking out my opponents. I had a fast pitch that rocked your eyeballs. Slammed the cow right out of the catcher's mitt.

    I had no idea that my aim would still remain intact over soooooo many years.

    While walking along my newly made walking trails on my property I came upon a left-over piece of wood from the construction of the house. Just a very short section of a decaying 2 x 4 I gave it a casual toss into the trees. It never came down so I stepped closer to see what happened. The block of wood chose that moment to fall to the earth followed by a hornet's nest the size of my head.

    Did you know a disturbed hornet's nest sounds remarkably like 50 Rattlesnakes crammed in a mason jar? Enraged winged serpents charged from that astonishingly tiny hole like surfers heading for a hurricane. Terrified scream-less, I jolted my old legs into action. Arms pumping, my bladder grabbed a hold on my pelvic bones, and I streaked away in the manner of a trained sprinter. My spleen hugged my pancreas while my liver wrapped around my kidneys for comfort. For 50 yards, I was an Olympic contender.

    Then I lost my hat. Ain't no way a self respecting old lady is going to lose her hat. Nothing special, just a bright orange hunter's cap that I wore just in case my husband needed to find me real quick, or a hunter mistook my lumbering for the graceful walk of a deer. I turned back only to not see my usually bright orange cap. Then I saw this squirming mass of wings, stingers, and pumping abdomens. The hornets were attacking my beautiful hat! I stared for moment, saw one hornet look up at me, raise its wings, and again I was running. Streaking across the pasture like a graceful gazelle avoiding a marauding lion. I don't think my feet touched the steps leading to the house.

    I locked the doors and closed all the windows-just in case the hornets followed my scent. I went from window to window to make sure I was safe. I gathered all the hornet spray I had. And waited. I turned the airconditioning to 65 just in case one got in the house.

    Today I bought a new orange hat. I let the hornets have mine. After all I did destroy their nest.

    Teach me to be portentous about my pitching days.

  2. rodriguezpoultry

    rodriguezpoultry Langshan Lover

    Jan 4, 2009
    Claremore, OK

    At least you're fine! I would have given up the hat also...I mean...after you got it back it would have been full of venom and awfulness anyway.
  3. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
  4. Imp

    Imp All things share the same breath- Chief Seattle

    Great post. You have a way with words and wasps. [​IMG]


  5. TyrannosaurusChix

    TyrannosaurusChix Songster

    Jul 13, 2010
    Savannah, NY
    LOL!Glad youre safe!

    I pitched fp softball [​IMG]
  6. verity

    verity Songster

    Sep 8, 2008
    What a great 'word-picture' you painted for us today!
  7. Toast n Jelly

    Toast n Jelly Songster

    Jan 29, 2007
    Wonderful story, had me laughing!

  8. sunnychooks

    sunnychooks Songster

    Jul 21, 2007
    Thank goodness for the "sacrificial hat"! [​IMG]
  9. JP33

    JP33 Songster

    Nov 14, 2009
    Southeast, Louisiana
    Yeah, but how do we know you were aiming for the nest? You might have been aiming for that pine cone 5' to the left! [​IMG]

    Go back and get your hat after dark, it'll be your "lucky" hat.


  10. CityGirlintheCountry

    CityGirlintheCountry Green Eggs and Hamlet

    Jul 7, 2007
    Middle TN

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