Once a pitcher always a pitcher.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by theoldchick, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. theoldchick

    theoldchick The Chicken Whisperer

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    When I was a young girl I had a good throwing arm. I was always selected first and always voted to be the pitcher for the team. Despite being a girl I could throw like a boy. I could slice the air with stitched leather in a way many boys were envious of. Being of Catholic persuasion I was soon put on the softball team and taught how to throw like a girl. That sissy namby pampy under arm method that made me grit my teeth. But being the good Catholic I was I learned the game, and was good at striking out my opponents. I had a fast pitch that rocked your eyeballs. Slammed the cow right out of the catcher's mitt.

    I had no idea that my aim would still remain intact over soooooo many years.

    While walking along my newly made walking trails on my property I came upon a left-over piece of wood from the construction of the house. Just a very short section of a decaying 2 x 4 I gave it a casual toss into the trees. It never came down so I stepped closer to see what happened. The block of wood chose that moment to fall to the earth followed by a hornet's nest the size of my head.

    Did you know a disturbed hornet's nest sounds remarkably like 50 Rattlesnakes crammed in a mason jar? Enraged winged serpents charged from that astonishingly tiny hole like surfers heading for a hurricane. Terrified scream-less, I jolted my old legs into action. Arms pumping, my bladder grabbed a hold on my pelvic bones, and I streaked away in the manner of a trained sprinter. My spleen hugged my pancreas while my liver wrapped around my kidneys for comfort. For 50 yards, I was an Olympic contender.

    Then I lost my hat. Ain't no way a self respecting old lady is going to lose her hat. Nothing special, just a bright orange hunter's cap that I wore just in case my husband needed to find me real quick, or a hunter mistook my lumbering for the graceful walk of a deer. I turned back only to not see my usually bright orange cap. Then I saw this squirming mass of wings, stingers, and pumping abdomens. The hornets were attacking my beautiful hat! I stared for moment, saw one hornet look up at me, raise its wings, and again I was running. Streaking across the pasture like a graceful gazelle avoiding a marauding lion. I don't think my feet touched the steps leading to the house.

    I locked the doors and closed all the windows-just in case the hornets followed my scent. I went from window to window to make sure I was safe. I gathered all the hornet spray I had. And waited. I turned the airconditioning to 65 just in case one got in the house.

    Today I bought a new orange hat. I let the hornets have mine. After all I did destroy their nest.

    Teach me to be portentous about my pitching days.
     
  2. rodriguezpoultry

    rodriguezpoultry Langshan Lover

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    HAHAHA!

    At least you're fine! I would have given up the hat also...I mean...after you got it back it would have been full of venom and awfulness anyway.
     
  3. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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  4. Imp

    Imp All things share the same breath- Chief Seattle

    Great post. You have a way with words and wasps. [​IMG]

    Imp
     
  5. TyrannosaurusChix

    TyrannosaurusChix Chillin' With My Peeps

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    LOL!Glad youre safe!

    I pitched fp softball [​IMG]
     
  6. verity

    verity Chillin' With My Peeps

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    What a great 'word-picture' you painted for us today!
     
  7. Toast n Jelly

    Toast n Jelly Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Wonderful story, had me laughing!
     
  8. sunnychooks

    sunnychooks Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Thank goodness for the "sacrificial hat"! [​IMG]
     
  9. JP33

    JP33 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Yeah, but how do we know you were aiming for the nest? You might have been aiming for that pine cone 5' to the left! [​IMG]

    Go back and get your hat after dark, it'll be your "lucky" hat.


    ...JP
     
  10. CityGirlintheCountry

    CityGirlintheCountry Green Eggs and Hamlet

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