Opa's place -Where an old rooster visits with friends

[jeaucamom]

Opa, maybe you have some words of wisdom for me. I am heartsick over some decisions my 19 yo daughter is making. She is deliberatly choosing to live a life the direct opposite of how I raised her and then flaunts it in my face as proof of her independence. It is making me so heartsick. We had a good time in SF the other day and managed to sidestep the sticky issues, and then she shows up at my house today and tells me things she knows will break my heart. I just can't seem to stop crying about it. I know she is an adult. I know she can make her own decisions. But that doesn't make it any easier when you see someone you love and have spent almost 20 years devoting your life to throwing her life away. I am just sick about this. just hearsick

I started a thread on this so it really doesn't have to go anywhere on here, just wanted another shoulder to cry on.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
Well, the first thing to do is to stop crying and get on with your own life. She is an adult, trust that you have raised her well and eventually will grow a young woman that you will be proud of. She may not turn out exactly the way you planned, but it is now her life not yours.
Sometimes, your protests and objections, spur more rebellion, and sometimes young ones just need to find thier own rythym.

 

[mamagardener]

Opa, I like that story. I try to be friendly to everyone and look for the best in everyone. For the most part people in my area return the favor, but I am sure you have heard stories about us Yankees being unfriendly. I find people in my area aren't unfriendly, they are just reserved.

 

[Opa]

One of the hardest things for a parent to do is to know when to let go. Even if the decisions you see them making you feel are wrong. You can state you disapproval once then you must let it go. When my sons lived in my house they lived by my rules. Once they left they made their own decisions and I had to bite my tongue on a few occasions. When two of them came back home for a brief while they knew that the rules they grew up with still applied.
As Laura stated the more you protest the more set she will become in doing just the opposite of what you'd like. You've stated your opinions and she is aware of them. All you can do now is make sure she knows you love her. If she needs to come back home, if things fail apart for her, she needs to feel she can, but that it would be once again under your rules.
I wish there was some phrase that could be spoken that would make everything right with the world, but the sad reality is that none of us are getting out alive so we can only control our own lives and try to be happy with that. Many kids feel they need to make a statement of their independence and sadly to do the complete opposite of how they were raised seems to be the best way to make you aware of that. Many times once they realize that they are on their own and must suffer the consequences of their actions they will return to the values with which they were raised.

 

[Bluemoon420]

Quote:
Yeah, what she said

I'm a swamp yankee, I admit it. My DH says I'm rude sometimes when we are at the mall or something. ( the stores who have salesman, etc. ) I'm not being rude I swear, I'm just a no BS kinda gal. It's state what your trying to sell me in 10 seconds, or go away.

If I have a question I'll ask!

Bluemoon

 

[MagsC]

Sheila, I am determined whatever you share with me, I am going to do the same for someone. And when my birds start laying eggs, you are welcome to them as well.

Yankees, unfriendly? I think it varies from person to person same as everywhere else. If someone was to meet me in person, maybe they would think I was unfriendly but I am only very shy until I get to know people.
jeaucamom, you have done the best you can. Now about all you can do is be there for her and hope that eventually your teachings will find their way again.

I am offline for the night, everyone have a great evening!

 

[mamagardener]

Quote:
Yeah, what she said

I'm a swamp yankee, I admit it. My DH says I'm rude sometimes when we are at the mall or something. ( the stores who have salesman, etc. ) I'm not being rude I swear, I'm just a no BS kinda gal. It's state what your trying to sell me in 10 seconds, or go away.

If I have a question I'll ask!

Bluemoon

that's exactly how my husband acts. I think he gives off vibes, because in public people always talk to me and avoid him. His vibes must seem like he is saying LEAVE ME ALONE! I tell him he looks scary, and the funny thing is he's not, he's just a big baby!
I'll let you in on a secret, he is really quite shy too.

 

[Opa]

Chelsea is a little thing but I don't think I'd care to cross her.

Today was the day for spring cleaning in the large fowl coop and as I was finishing up I checked all the coops for eggs. Two trio of bantams are in a gambrel roofed coop that is divided and opens into 2x4' cages. Under the cage with the spangled hamburg bantams I found another dime sized egg, the third this week. I sure hope that isn't the size that they are going to continue to lay.

 

[Bluemoon420]

Mama... Yep, that's what my DH says about me. lol

Opa... My younger brother has said that for years. He's much bigger than me. 6' 4" green bean, but I can still whoop his butt. I think it was from all the various asian weaponry he threw at me when we were kids.

I had to have good reflexes.

Bluemoon

 

[Ec_Prokta]

Evening! Tennis class was fun. I almost won a game of volleys. I got some role-playing books in the mail today. (As if I don't role-play enough!

) Still waiting on the manga and hat I ordered.

to all!