oppinions needed on a sad and graghic question

[Mrs. Green Thumbs]

Quote:
You touch on a good point here. As far as burial it might be a good idea to plan to have a ceremony AFTER the poor soul is laid to rest. Loss is tragic enough having to watch the intricacies is not necessary.

 

[WingingIt]

I saw my first horse put down when I was younger than she is. The second I was about her age and it was far out in the country, the horse was injured badly and there was no way anyone was going to let it suffer while they waited for a vet....it was not pretty, to say the least. I'm going to repeat what I said - you need to prepare her. For everything. What, exactly, is going to happen. That they will (most likely) do it by the hole that's already prepared, that she may not just lie still, what machinery they will use to get her in the hole, etc. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but it will give her the honest truth so that she can be prepared and make the best decision for herself. She may decide to be home but to say goodbye beforehand and not be out there when they put her down. Just being close may be enough for her. It will be hard no matter which choice she makes, but I have to agree with the poster who said it's a part of life and a part of taking care of your loved animals. I can tell you from experience that I have a cousin who was shielded from everything 'bad' or sorrowful as a child, not just the events, but the details, being told anything specific on how/why/when/where, what decisions were made and why........then she grew up and has NO IDEA what to do in serious situations. She just falls apart. She's having to learn some hard lessons now (and being punished financially as well as emotionally) for things that, IMO, she should have learned a lot earlier thru life experiences.

 

[bkreugar]

I KNOW she will be euthanised next to the hole.Then i/we will go in, I don;t wish to see that done.I never have. i am there when they are put down, but I don;t watch the buriel.I never have.Dh probably will.Poor guy always has.He says it doesn;t bother him.

 

[NurseELB]

Mrs. Green Thumbs :

IMHO as a pet owner that has had to make that sacrifice is to explain to her that this is something your DD should do for her friend. It's a sacrifice that must be given to spare the poor horse unnecessary pain and suffering. It's also a part of life, and part of being a responsible owner and that it is NOT something you WANT to do but something you owe to your old friend. If she still can not understand then let her know it is going to happen do NOT just do it behind her back. That will make her feel like she was excluded BECAUSE she disagreed. Personally if she were my daughter Id let her comfort her horse as she was let go. It's not just comfort for the horse but a way for your DD to say good bye to a long time friend. Some day she will understand if she can't now. I'm sorry this has to be so hard on your family. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing by your friend.

I heartily agree with this.

My daughter is 14. She has been with 4 of the family dogs as they were euthanized, went with me to the shelter when we couldn't keep the cat (THAT was hard!), and also was at her grandfather's side when he passed away from cancer. None of this was easy. She struggled with each and every death. She also was adamant that she be there, citing that the dogs were her closest friends. We have honored her requests even though my husband has grave concerns about her psyche. She is the most loving, sensitive child I have ever met. I believe these experiences will help Victoria make the right choices when she is older, and if we had done it while she were at school she would never have forgiven us.

Good luck, you have a tough road.

 

[horsejody]

I was 12 years old when my horse, Flash, was put down. He had EIA (the disease that they are testing for when they do a coggins test). He was suffering terribly. It was my choice to be there, and it was the right decision. It was difficult, but I do think that I would have carried the guilt of not being there longer than I carried the grief of being there. If you don't mind me asking, what is wrong with the horse? 23 isn't that old.

 

[Karrie13]

I agree with a lot of the posts on here. Don't do it then tell her about it later. She needs a chance to say goodbye. I think her knowing and possibly being there will help her deal better with the loss. I know it is going to be hard when the day comes that my mare needs to be put down, she is 16 now and I have had her since she was 4 months old.

When my daughter was 5 years old her beloved cat Tommy died unexpectedly but we didn't tell her about it before school because she had a field trip that day and I didn't want to ruin her day. I really wish I would have told her before she left so she could say goodbye to him before I buried him. To this day, 6 years later, she still has a hard time getting over his loss. I also feel VERY guilty of not being at the vets office when my first Rottie went into cardiac arrest and died, I couldn't bring myself to go and see her before she was cremated either. I just couldn't bring myself to see her because I felt so guilty for not being there and now I feel guilty for not seeing her before she was cremated. It just wasn’t a good situation.

 

[TwoChicks]

Well, being horse owner, I have mixed feelings. Your daughter is probably delaying because she doesn't see (or comprehend completely) the pain and deterioration her friend will go through in the days/weeks to come. You as an adult and having seen more of this type of thing, know what's coming and you want to spare your daughter the heartache and your horse the pain.

That said, I would have dd come with you to groom, love and spend some time with your horse tonight (or soonest time possible) to say their farewells. Then when she's at school, have the horse put down. This way, she'll have been able to have said goodbye without witnessing the trauma of seeing the horse be put to sleep. I don't think you can get around your daughter feeling terribly upset and hurt in whatever decision you make, though.

I imagine it's especially hard for a youngster to make the mental connection that making this decision, even though her pain seems to be managed, is ultimately the kindest thing to do.

I can't say I wouldn't prolong the end if it were me and my horse in this situation.

Good luck and I hope it goes as well as it can for everyone involved.

 

[suburbanminifarm]

My Dd has witnessed death many times, and it has IMO made her a better little person.
I think you should have her say goodbye at graveside; then go in the house for the lethal injection if the mare will be standing up (the fall is ugly) then let DD throw some flowers in the grave and one last snip of the tail or mane hair. Then lead her away for the actual placing of the body in the hole since this, again, on a large animal is ugly. She can paint a rock as a memorial on the grave....

 

[bkreugar]

Quote:
When she was about 8 she was kicked IN the knee joint by a horse with shoes behind.I spent a lot of time and $$$ to discover that even surgery would not guarantee her sound.So someone bred her a few times and she was turned out for about 4 years.That proved a miracle of sorts.She became sound although the knee was the size of an orange.I took her back to state and they said enjoy her while I could.They said eventually she would have arthritic changes that would make her VERY unsound.My daughter was born on 98 and rode her from 2000 til 2008.Then I saw the arthritic changes in 2006.I retired her in 2008.What has done her in is she was compensating diagonally behind.Now the vet says she has arthritis in her butt and spine.She has a hard time bending down to drink without the bute.She is not eating well because of the pain I am sure.She just collapsed about 6 weeks ago.Vet said the butt muscle is deteriating and she has general weakness behind.She is dragging her back hoofs too teh coronary band. Really painful for ME to watch.BUT she still has soft sweet eyes.But again she is slowely loosing weight and to see her ~THINK~ about lowering her head to drink, just KILLS me.


I told DD the day she collapsed, we have a few weeks ONLY.DD wants her to just go on her own and I can NOT BEAR it.She is 100lbs lighter than she should be, and I WILL NOT let her starve too death.

Do you get the picture?

 

[Intheswamp]

Either way, it's going to be tough on everyone. In the end, after the wildflowers are growing on your mare's grave, what is going to matter is the relationship within your family. Your daughter is going to be affected by your mare's death, regardless if she is there or not. If she isn't allowed to be there it is possible that she will resent that fact for years to come. On the other hand, if she is allowed to be present she will experience the death of a loved one firsthand which is a tough thing to do...but mankind has done it for thousands of years and survived. It is part of life and a part of love.

Prepare her for the worst, pray for the best.

My prayers are with ya'll,
Ed