oppinions needed on a sad and graghic question

[SilverPhoenix]

I think the people in this thread have had excellent advice. I personally would tell her when it is going to happen, let her say goodbye right near when it happens, but I would not let her be there when the horse is actually put down. It might be too much for her to emotionally handle. I always want to be with my animals at the end, but twice things happened right at the end that haunted me and I had a hard time coping with, so now what I do is have them put my animal into a sound sleep, say my goodbyes as they fall asleep, and leave for the final injection. That way I'm there for them to the end of their consciousness, but don't have to watch them stop breathing. I've watched many, many, many animals pass away (being a wildlife rehabber, this is a common thing for me to witness), but it's different when it's your family member.

Obviously putting the horse into a sleep and then having her leave is probably not an option in this case, but the point is--I think it would be better if she has a day or two at least in advance to say goodbye, and then let her stay with the horse until it's time for the actual injection is administered. That way she gets to stay with the horse until almost the end and say goodbye, but doesn't have to have those horrible memories of watching her beloved friend actually dying. With horses I just worry it could be very unpleasant and sad to watch.

When we put down my horse Salty at the age of thirty-three (I was twelve or thirteen at the time), I went and said my goodbyes, and they put him down about a half-hour later. This worked fairly well for me.

I hope whatever you decide, it goes smoothly and your horse is able to pass in peace. It's always so sad and difficult making this decision, but in the end of course it's much better than allowing them to suffer.

 

[Equus5O]

I think putting a horse down is different than putting a dog or cat down. A dog doesn't hit the ground with a thump. A horse does. I've worked in an animal hospital. I've owned many animals. I'm no stranger to euthanasia. I was in my 30's when I put "Beau" down, and the thump was horrible. I actually gasped when he hit the ground. I think the vet was shocked when I reacted, and I had to reassure her that I was okay. But, it was tough for me. I, cop of twenty years LOL, couldn't watch when he was hauled up on to the flat bed. I just can't imagine being twelve and experiencing that. But then, no one knows your child better than you do. Good luck. I posted on here for advice about my son when I put my dog down not long ago. I got a lot of good advice and kind words. Adapt the advice that you receive and tailor it to fit how you think is best. Good luck

 

[allanimals21]

never had a horse but I know I have always been there when my animals were put down. My younger sisters have always been there too. I think you should let her be there if she wants to

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
When she was about 8 she was kicked IN the knee joint by a horse with shoes behind.I spent a lot of time and $$$ to discover that even surgery would not guarantee her sound.So someone bred her a few times and she was turned out for about 4 years.That proved a miracle of sorts.She became sound although the knee was the size of an orange.I took her back to state and they said enjoy her while I could.They said eventually she would have arthritic changes that would make her VERY unsound.My daughter was born on 98 and rode her from 2000 til 2008.Then I saw the arthritic changes in 2006.I retired her in 2008.What has done her in is she was compensating diagonally behind.Now the vet says she has arthritis in her butt and spine.She has a hard time bending down to drink without the bute.She is not eating well because of the pain I am sure.She just collapsed about 6 weeks ago.Vet said the butt muscle is deteriating and she has general weakness behind.She is dragging her back hoofs too teh coronary band. Really painful for ME to watch.BUT she still has soft sweet eyes.But again she is slowely loosing weight and to see her ~THINK~ about lowering her head to drink, just KILLS me.


I told DD the day she collapsed, we have a few weeks ONLY.DD wants her to just go on her own and I can NOT BEAR it.She is 100lbs lighter than she should be, and I WILL NOT let her starve too death.

Do you get the picture?

That's a shame. I'm sure have done everything possible.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Don't do it without telling her. This was her riding horse for a long time, she deserves to allowed to say goodbye. Unfortunately for us animal owners, we have to deal with a beloved pet's death. I think it teaches us compassion, and how to deal with the greater pains that life brings. I've never seen a horse put down, so I can't speak from experience about her being there, but she does need to have the opportunity to deal with this, and not to be confronted with the horse dead and buried. I don't think the burial would be good for her to see, for the same reasons other people have posted.

If you do it while she is gone, without telling her, she will feel betrayed as well as heartbroken. Twelve is an age where you want to be building up your child's trust in you, and have her rise to adult decisions. If you do this without her knowing, you will undermine that trust at a critical age.

 

[bumpershoot]

I am so sorry. What a hard situation for you, your daughter and your beloved horse. I think you have received plenty of advice both pro and con regarding DD being there. I don't know your daughter, but it's fair to say a large animal being put down is a difficult thing to watch. Sometimes difficult things grow us as humans and sometimes they traumatize us. I know that as your DD's Mom you will make choices that will help her navigate though a process that all living beings go though and you will model for her how to do it with grace.

It does occur to me that perhaps in preparation for the inevitable you could assign your daughter the job of choosing the marker for your horses resting place. Perhaps an apple tree or something like that. I don't know what would be appropriate, but perhaps giving her something to focus on would begin to help her process letting go.

Best of luck

 

[HennyJenny]

I think many people here have given you excellent advice. How many people out there think their favorite childhood dog was sent to live somewhere else? And while I concur that I think she should know beforehand it seems to me like you have an awful lot of people that know horses AND know your daughter telling you she shouldn't be there. Those of us that have seen our animals put down or have children that have seen this know what we're going to see and know what we're exposing our children to. It's part of how our families deal. You seem to have people in your circle saying that this isn't something your child can handle. Every child is different - if I compare my 7 year old son to my daughter when she was 12 - my daughter would never have been prepared to see such a thing ever and she still wouldn't at 17 - my 7 year old son could probably process it now - he's no less attached to our animals but he's more "philosophical" about the passing of life and more keenly aware of the suffering of others versus himself.

I am so sorry that you've had to make such a hard decision for yourself and your daughter.

Jenny

 

[redhen]

Such a HARD hard choice...

Sorry about all of this..

 

[Southpaw970]

I'm sorry that you have had to make this hard decision. Knowing what is right for our kids makes it even harder.
I think if you told your daughter the day it was going to happen and then sent her to school, it would be really hard for her to concentrate on anything at all. Then again, I don't know if I would be comfortable letting my child watch either. Maybe letting her be there to say goodbye, but not watching the deed being done is a good compromise. I know my son would feel betrayed if I had one of our pets put to sleep without letting him know until after.

I don't know what all is involved in the process of euthanizing a horse or if this could be done - but when I was a tech at a small animal clinic, one option we gave our clients was to stay with their pet while we gave a dose of anesthesia. They would say their goodbyes while their pet went to sleep - like for a surgery. Then they usually chose to leave the room while we gave the euthanasia solution.

 

[NWChicks]

My kids knew our dog was going to be put down but the day it actually happened my DH didn't tell any of us, just took her and did it. I have to admit, even I was a little miffed since no one got the chance to say goodbye. My kids were heartbroken (which added to my upset). I explained to them that I thought their dad was just trying to save them grief (and he was) but it was still hard for all of us. My DH apologized to the kids because he really did think he was doing them a kindness but we've all agreed that something of that nature would be handled differently next time.

Give your daughter the opportunity to say goodbye. Nothing you can do will make this an easy thing and as a mom it will be so hard for you to watch her grieve (especially when you're grieving yourself). It's hard when something or someone you love just up and disappears and you don't get that closure. You have to judge whether you want her to watch or not. When my FIL passed we didn't allow our kids to be at the hospital because we wanted them to remember him as he'd been, full of life and love for them. Seeing him at the end would have haunted them I think.

Make the decision you feel is in the best interest of your daughter, no one knows her like you do.