Parenting Help?

[Jencleg]

When my I was starting to see this same behavior in my daughter the first thing I did was decided what I would put up with, even before talking to her about it. That gave me a very clear idea of how I wanted to proceed and where I would tolerate what, ect. I think, a lot of times, when people go to stop a behavior they do not even realize that they don't have a plan. I know from experience with children and dogs that knee jerk reactions rarely work to effectively teach. Instead those reactions teach the kid or dog that I am reactive, and not in control. Does that make sense?

So what I did first with my DD is talk to her on her level, kneel on the floor and give physical contact. I always have her hold my hands lightly while we "discuss" behavior, this is her cue to know she must give me eye contact and her face must remain neutral (no dirty looks or we stop and start over until she listens neutrally). Then I ask her if she knows what she did wrong. She usually comes up with the answer right away because we've been doing this method for a long time, but at first it took her a while to get it. After she answers correctly I ask her why she did it. I validate her feelings (If appropriate) and then tell her a better way of behaving, making sure she knows that this is what I *expect* her to do differently. Only then do I give her a consequence (that is what we call it in our home).

After that, I watch like a hawk for opportunities to reinforce our communication. This means I am really on top of her behavior and making sure she does not repeat the offence. I have to remind her to stop and remember our talk sometimes, but rarely do I have to give her the same talk more than maybe twice. She knows that after the second time speaking with her that she will get a much faster consequence and it will be one that matters a lot to her, such as taking away her stuffed animal that she carries around, or taking away a snack, or whatever that will get her attention.

Btw..my DD will be 4 next month and we've been doing this since she was about 20 months old.

Thank you, this is awesome advice. I am 100% guilty of being reactive, not proactive. I will start this tonight! Thamks again!!

 

[chicmom]

Beautiful kids, Jencleg!

 

[mulewagon]

I think the first thing is to decide what you want him to say in those situations, then teach it to him.

What should he say when he doesn't want to be bothered? Decide on something like "Excuse me, I need to finish this", and then practice with him (and practice with his sister what to do when he says it).

If he learns that he gets what he wants by being polite, then he'll be polite

 

[Jencleg]

Beautiful kids, Jencleg!

Thank you very much!!

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Thank you, this is awesome advice. I am 100% guilty of being reactive, not proactive. I will start this tonight! Thamks again!!

I'm glad I could help. Giving parenting advice can be tricky, hard not to sound preachy. Please let me know how it goes.