Parenting teens is HARD - rant! Update on pg.4

[hikerchick]

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I think a certain balance can be reached. My daughter has been working since she was old enough to hold a job; and always had household chores before that. She helps me with all big projects, like building a goat pen, etc. She does her own laundry and pays her own gas and insurance; and buys her own clothes. She cleans her own room, of course; and makes most of her own meals and many of mine. she was an honor student all through high scool. That being said, I don't see anything wrong with her going out with her friends and doing things that kids do. She knows I don't approve and yet she refuses to lie to me about it. What really amazes me is the number of parents who think "not my kid". Do you really think your child is above the behaviors of other kids? Or have you made it impossible for them to be honest with you? Putting your head in the sand may feel nice for you but it isn't doing them any good. I remember my teenage years. I was one of those who had to lie. I wont' do that to my child.

 

[FaithAnn]

In another thread I saw this -- "Mothers of teenagers understand why animals eat their young"

 

[thechickenchick]

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[redhen]

What do you teach a child when you just let them have free run...come and go as they please, let them go to parties and get drunk?Whoopie! they tell you that they are doing it, so that makes it okay for them do it?? What are you teaching your child when you permit them to go to parties to get drunk? Sorry, i must have been raised wrong then...i was taught a differant way of life. And..NO..its NOT to be expected that kids have to be allowed to go to drinking parties...Teach them a differant way to live! THATS your job! Not permitting them to do as they please! give me a break people! A little freedom to learn is one thing...letting your child become a bum and partier is quite another thing!

 

[MysticScorpio82]

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I think a certain balance can be reached. My daughter has been working since she was old enough to hold a job; and always had household chores before that. She helps me with all big projects, like building a goat pen, etc. She does her own laundry and pays her own gas and insurance; and buys her own clothes. She cleans her own room, of course; and makes most of her own meals and many of mine. she was an honor student all through high school. That being said, I don't see anything wrong with her going out with her friends and doing things that kids do. She knows I don't approve and yet she refuses to lie to me about it. What really amazes me is the number of parents who think "not my kid". Do you really think your child is above the behaviors of other kids? Or have you made it impossible for them to be honest with you? Putting your head in the sand may feel nice for you but it isn't doing them any good. I remember my teenage years. I was one of those who had to lie. I wont' do that to my child.

I agree that there needs to be a balance. Like I said if you are too strict there is going to be rebellion and lying, if you are too lenient then they will never learn to do things for themselves. That was my point. The OP should enforce the rules (and I am glad she made him come home) and maybe she make him get a part time job to teach him some responsibility because he situation just reminds me of what it was like growing up. (which is why I felt the need to share)

The only thing I will disagree with you about is the sex and alcohol. Maybe I was just a weirdo, but I never did either until I was 20. The one good thing my parents did was let me have a drink when I was 8, I hated the taste so much I had no desire to try it again when I was a teen. As for the virginity til I was 20, I just had do desire either. I didn't want a boyfriend at that age, I just wanted to hang out with friends and goof off. So while I know a majority of teens do those thing, I believe that to assume all teens do that is wrong. All you can do is talk to your teen, teach them right from wrong and hope for the best. I am glad that your daughter is honest with you about what she does.

 

[Sillystunt]

listen, you are gonna have to realize he is growning up! Do you have to let him do what he wants? HELL NO
But think about it?? What are you gonna do when he is 18 and you have no say? Don't you believe in the values you instilled in your son? You have to learn to trust him, to an extent.

My dad always said if you keep your hand on his back, you'll push him away. But if you keep one finger on his back, you'll never loose him.

Your gonna have him hate you for not allowing him to be 17. I know it's scarey, trust me i have a 16 year old girl. But i trust her to make good desicions when out and i have always taught her moderation is the key to life. Wether it's drinking, boys, etc etc. She is 16 a virgin, doesn't do drugs but yeah she has drank. I rather her be honest with me and call me and say, i hade a drink(happened once) and me go pick her up. Now i did wake her up at 5am to clean the house for drinking but i know she is gonna try these things.

At her age i was hooked on drugs. My parents gave me no freedom and i rebelled against them. Came home pregnant at 17 and cleaned my life up. The hard way!! just to piss them off~

Give him a chance to prove himself. To show you he is the good young man you raised him to be. And if he fails, be there to lift him up. And show him why......then make his butt clean the floors with a toothbrush at 5am!!

 

[HennysMom]

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again... that is your daughters friends... and yes, I will concede that many parents do not know what their kids are doing - or perhaps they do and turn a "blind eye" - but I was making a statement based on your comment that ALL TEENS do it. No.. they dont. I know many teens that do not and no... their parents are not "ignorant" of their teens on-goings.

I understand what you're inferring to, but...its just not something you should lump all teens into that category - nor all parents.

 

[redhen]

Yes, you DO have to give them some freedom..which he is getting...she said hes out ALL the time...

 

[HennysMom]

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growing up and GROWN up are two different things - and if a 17 year old wants to act "grown up" and put down his parents, disobey their rules and threaten them with "if you dont let me..." then he is no where near "grown up".

Time to enforce those "grown up adult" responsibilities and let him find out just how "grown up" he is... or isnt.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

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I agree with Hennys. From personal (very personal) experience.
There are kids that have brains.