Parenting teens is HARD - rant! Update on pg.4

[redhen]

Quote:
again... that is your daughters friends... and yes, I will concede that many parents do not know what their kids are doing - or perhaps they do and turn a "blind eye" - but I was making a statement based on your comment that ALL TEENS do it. No.. they dont. I know many teens that do not and no... their parents are not "ignorant" of their teens on-goings.

I understand what you're inferring to, but...its just not something you should lump all teens into that category - nor all parents.

right! when you allow your kid to go drinking you are teaching them no morals and that being a partier is an okay way of life.AND trust me when i say that ALOT of kids will keep that "its okay to party" mentality all their lives...(you know the type of people i'm talking about....loosers!) So..even if a kid has to sneak...they at least get the message from their parents that its NOT okay... Does no one see this or what..

 

[Sillystunt]

Quote:
growing up and GROWN up are two different things - and if a 17 year old wants to act "grown up" and put down his parents, disobey their rules and threaten them with "if you dont let me..." then he is no where near "grown up".

Time to enforce those "grown up adult" responsibilities and let him find out just how "grown up" he is... or isnt.

He didn't get like that over night??? So who should we blame...the kid or the parent? I know personally, i raised mine never to speak to me like that! She follows my rules and know better then to threaten me. So who gets the blame? Listen, i agree mom makes the rules, she puts the foot down but if you have been aloud to run a muck, why is everyone so surprised he is acting like this??

 

[cozycritters]

I grew up with older parents and very few rules. I had no curfew, very loose structure all around... yet I was a really *good* kid. I had a frame of beliefs from them that, for me, was enough to keep me out of trouble. I never HAVE had a drink (I'm 28 now), I stayed out of trouble, and realized very young that, if I wanted something to happen in my life, it was up to me to accomplish it. I have always appreciated the value of money and manage it well.

As a teenager I had no rules from my parents, so I made them for myself. I set standards and kept to them. My parents were open with their opinions from the time I was very small-- my grandfather drank himself to death, my brother was deathly allergic to cigarette smoke... knowing all of these things, I protected myself from harmful habits.

Am I still a disappointment to my parents? In some ways. I eloped when I got married and they weren't there. I stopped my college education three classes shy of my bachelor's to have kids. I've told them that, if I go back to college, I'm more interested in Agriculture related degrees and, intellectual-based as they are they would rather I not go back at all.

All in all, though, considering that my parents were very 'non-involved' it's a miracle that I and my siblings have all been so successful.

I think, what I'm trying to say, is that a lot of teenager behavior has to do with the basic personality of each person as well as the framework the parents have set up. I was an easy teenager for my parents. My sister wasn't. My sister was a socialite and still depends on my parents to bale her out, now that she's in her 30s and has a family. I am self-sufficient and a problem solver. Same background, different result.

Interestingly, my SIL grew up in a very STRICT household and nearly all of the kids go into trouble as teenagers.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
growing up and GROWN up are two different things - and if a 17 year old wants to act "grown up" and put down his parents, disobey their rules and threaten them with "if you dont let me..." then he is no where near "grown up".

Time to enforce those "grown up adult" responsibilities and let him find out just how "grown up" he is... or isnt.

He didn't get like that over night??? So who should we blame...the kid or the parent? I know personally, i raised mine never to speak to me like that! She follows my rules and know better then to threaten me. So who gets the blame? Listen, i agree mom makes the rules, she puts the foot down but if you have been aloud to run a muck, why is everyone so surprised he is acting like this??

I'm not surprised Silly. I'd of had my teeth knocked down my throat if i talked like that to my mom!

 

[HennysMom]

Quote:
growing up and GROWN up are two different things - and if a 17 year old wants to act "grown up" and put down his parents, disobey their rules and threaten them with "if you dont let me..." then he is no where near "grown up".

Time to enforce those "grown up adult" responsibilities and let him find out just how "grown up" he is... or isnt.

He didn't get like that over night??? So who should we blame...the kid or the parent? I know personally, i raised mine never to speak to me like that! She follows my rules and know better then to threaten me. So who gets the blame? Listen, i agree mom makes the rules, she puts the foot down but if you have been aloud to run a muck, why is everyone so surprised he is acting like this??

Mine wasnt allowed to talk nasty either.. or disrespectful - there were consequences, no parent raises their kid that way that I'm aware of

. For every action there is a reaction, right? Dont be so quick to blame the parent for the kids' actions - some children are just wicked nasty. Do you blame your parents for your drug problems when you were 16? Blame them for your pregnancy at 17? If you do... then somethings wrong - those are choices YOU made, not consequences of your surroundings, sorry. I dont buy that out for any circumstance. You had the ability to say no to drugs, you had the ability to use protection or abstain from sexual intercourse... for every action there is a reaction and/or consequence. We have the ability for free will - it is our choice to do with it as we please, and face the music for those actions.

 

[Sillystunt]

Quote:
He didn't get like that over night??? So who should we blame...the kid or the parent? I know personally, i raised mine never to speak to me like that! She follows my rules and know better then to threaten me. So who gets the blame? Listen, i agree mom makes the rules, she puts the foot down but if you have been aloud to run a muck, why is everyone so surprised he is acting like this??

I'm not surprised Silly. I'd of had my teeth knocked down my throat if i talked like that to my mom!

Oh, i dare not to even attempt to speak to my dad like that! But i did my mom. They will do what you allow them to do. My daughter would catch a bad one...lol But she is a good kid, yes she has experimented( the cigarette was funny, she threw up) hahahahaha
It's not 1960 and these kids(my daughter's gen) are buck crazy, trust me i know. it's a hard time to be a parent!! And then to parent other peoples kids...ahahaha i need more chickens! theropy help

 

[redhen]

Kids NEED structure...and yes, even big, bad grown up 17 year olds..

I may have had to sneak around some when i was a teen..but by god i ALWAYS KNEW that what i was doing was wrong!

If you just let your kids do these things i am telling you that you are setting a very bad example for them for their future years to come.

 

[Sillystunt]

Quote:
He didn't get like that over night??? So who should we blame...the kid or the parent? I know personally, i raised mine never to speak to me like that! She follows my rules and know better then to threaten me. So who gets the blame? Listen, i agree mom makes the rules, she puts the foot down but if you have been aloud to run a muck, why is everyone so surprised he is acting like this??

Mine wasnt allowed to talk nasty either.. or disrespectful - there were consequences, no parent raises their kid that way that I'm aware of

. For every action there is a reaction, right? Dont be so quick to blame the parent for the kids' actions - some children are just wicked nasty. Do you blame your parents for your drug problems when you were 16? Blame them for your pregnancy at 17? If you do... then somethings wrong - those are choices YOU made, not consequences of your surroundings, sorry. I dont buy that out for any circumstance. You had the ability to say no to drugs, you had the ability to use protection or abstain from sexual intercourse... for every action there is a reaction and/or consequence. We have the ability for free will - it is our choice to do with it as we please, and face the music for those actions.

Yeah, i do blame them. As a child they should have taught me about consequences. They didn't instill those in me!! They rather not address the truth about what teens do and swept it under the rug. I wasn't taught protection and to value myself. THAT'S THE PROBLEM parents owe it to their children to teach them such things. Free will is all fine and dandy when you have grown up in a bubble and have no clue about the real world. Children are impressionable and need guidence!! I deal with it day after day. I chose to not repeat the faults of my parents. that's the CHANGE i made. We all don't live in a house with a white picked fence~

 

[Beekissed]

She knows I don't approve and yet she refuses to lie to me about it.

So....its good that she doesn't lie to you about doing things of which you do not approve? I don't think I really get that statement. I think I would be a little more concerned about doing things of which I do not approve than the lying about them. Lying is bad, don't get me wrong....but isn't the other just as bad, or worse? Can they die of a lie overdose? Can they get pregnant from a lie? Can they crash their car and possibly kill themselves and others from having too much lies?

I don't think it has to be an either/or situation.....they do it and lie about it, or do it and not lie about it. It does not follow that they have to do it at all. Limiting the opportunities to do the sex and drug thing does not insure they won't get a chance but it will lessen the chances of it.

I've always been puzzled by people who say that they let their kids do things, as long as they are aware of it, because they would rather know they were doing it and not having to lie about it.

Why can't a parent expect a child to behave but also have a reasonable expectation that they will not all the time. And knowing this, watch very carefully, make common sense choices about where they go and with whom, and be very aware of opportunities for them to stray.

I think all that has to be tempered with a lifetime of teaching these kids a moral code of which to live by. From the cradle on, constant reinforcement of what is expected of them in your family, in God's family, has a lasting effect. I'm not saying that my kids will never make or have never made a bad choice...I'm saying its not too much to expect that they won't. And don't compromise those standards.​

 

[redhen]

My kids here learn (and usually the hard way) that for every thing they do they WILL be held accountable for it. EVERY time. Just like they would be held accountable if they were out in the real world.. SO many kids have never been taught this and then when they hit their teen years its BIG trouble!