Parenting teens is HARD - rant! Update on pg.4

[Hillbilly Rooster]

As a child I had to deal with what we called responsibility and respect to all everyone.

Childs dont care because of the judical system sorry I had to say it.

I have my 15 yr old daughter who is a social butterfly but there are rules. If the whole family list of get crap done is not complete she dont even get to go to grandparents. The whole family should have fun even if they go seperate ways to have there own fun.

It is get your work done and it cannot be done with your hands on your hips.

I really like it when you are spending money on them and they are your best child.

Daughters twin brother just wants to work with dog, chickens, mow lawn, and work in the garden and dont ask for a thing.

Since I am bald I cannot pull my hair out.

 

[Sillystunt]

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And that is sooo important! I am not saying let the kid party, trust me! But this kid has been aloud to come and go and now he can't...no wonder he is ticked. lol

Redhen, i know the work you do and the time you put in with these kids. We see an ugly side of bad parenting and the roads kids take. maybe we should start sharing stories and she'll be thankful for her 17 year old. lol

 

[HennysMom]

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I'm sorry you feel that way, thats sad you feel it's your parents fault - you may not have had the best role models, however your parents didnt force you to do the things you chose to do in your life, they didnt hold a gun to your head and say "Or else". There comes a time when accountability becomes your own - and apparently you made yourself accountable for your actions when you made changes, so... thats great - and I'm so proud of you

Now you will be a wonderful role model for your own children and will show them right from wrong and what road they should travel down and what ones they shouldnt. When they stray and blame you for getting in an accident because you might drive over the speed limit, text while driving, or possibly even drink - are you going to stand there and take the fall or are you going to say "Hey - you were the one drinking/texting/driving too fast - own it - dont blame me." ??

Are there some parents that shouldnt be parents? Absolutely there are, but there are just as many teens out there that are nasty and threaten, beat and abuse their parents on a daily basis and the parents just throw their hands up. Dont make kids seem so innocent and parents so awful - because its not always the case.

For parents that keep their kids in a bubble - thats their mistake and wrong for doing so. I didnt have the best childhood either but I dont blame my parents for things I did. We'll just have to agree to disagree on the "parents fault" thing I guess - no harm, no foul

 

[Beekissed]

It behooves each generation to improve on the last. My parents did they best they knew how, which was a heck of a lot better than their parents ever did! Now, I take the worst of my parent's methods and I try to improve upon them. And I have. My kids never had to feel like I felt about things and they learned to make better choices.

And I expect they will do a better job than I did, with their own kids....

What your parents do or not do has long lasting effects on your life in a lot of ways. You recognize it, you get past it and you resolve to make that change when you have kids of your own.

 

[Sillystunt]

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I'm sorry you feel that way, thats sad you feel it's your parents fault - you may not have had the best role models, however your parents didnt force you to do the things you chose to do in your life, they didnt hold a gun to your head and say "Or else". There comes a time when accountability becomes your own - and apparently you made yourself accountable for your actions when you made changes, so... thats great - and I'm so proud of you

Now you will be a wonderful role model for your own children and will show them right from wrong and what road they should travel down and what ones they shouldnt. When they stray and blame you for getting in an accident because you might drive over the speed limit, text while driving, or possibly even drink - are you going to stand there and take the fall or are you going to say "Hey - you were the one drinking/texting/driving too fast - own it - dont blame me." ??

Are there some parents that shouldnt be parents? Absolutely there are, but there are just as many teens out there that are nasty and threaten, beat and abuse their parents on a daily basis and the parents just throw their hands up. Dont make kids seem so innocent and parents so awful - because its not always the case.

For parents that keep their kids in a bubble - thats their mistake and wrong for doing so. I didnt have the best childhood either but I dont blame my parents for things I did. We'll just have to agree to disagree on the "parents fault" thing I guess - no harm, no foul

If i didn't warn her about texting and driving, drinking and driving...yeah,it's my fault! But she know's that one already so she would have to fess up to that one.

i never blame a child for their actions, i blame poor parenting. Does that make the parent a bad parent...NO! Not at all!! It's the foster parent in me. they way i was trained to view children.
I became accountable the day my daughter was born 9-11-92. I realized that my mistakes could serve as lessons to teach her the better way to do things. Did my parents put the crack pipe to my lips...no But maybe if they would have taught me a better way , i would have not done those things.
Kids will be kids, they try to push the buttons, test the waters, tempt fate. that's part of growning up!! I am crazy strick.. my daughter has been grounded the WHOLE summer for 4 f's(final grades) but i still let her spread her wings and fly...I just fly close behind her, just far enough for her not to see me. the one finger rule......

 

[hikerchick]

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My daughter works two jobs and goes to college. She is hardly a bum. She maintained honors all through high school. having a social life did not scar her for life.

And they drink whether you "let" them or not. Catch a clue parents - your kids are doing these things. They are not going to stop because you tell them to. Sheesh. if only it were that easy - tell them not to do it and they won't. I think a lot of parents are very naive.

 

[hikerchick]

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I agree with Hennys. From personal (very personal) experience.
There are kids that have brains.

My daughter has brains.

 

[Boyd]

my teens all know that I have pretty strict rules here in the house. You follow them with respect and humility then you won't run afoul anywhere. The new kids joke with me that I should be featured on the worlds strictest parents (tv show for teens) and I think it is funny. These boogers don't know how easy they have it!!!!!

I also have an 18 year old foster daughter who got pregnant at 16.. yup. her and baby live here with me and the wife. Someone found out the hard way about starting families too early. She is also the biggest help with the rest of my girls in talking about abstinence and birth control.

All teens need to know where the line is. No matter what your mood is that day. The line is right there, drawn in the sand. They toe the line, they are good, they cross it? Its on. My advice to the OP is to always let your kids know what your expectations are so they can learn where that line is. It's a good starting place for their own personal values they are learning at this age in life.

 

[hikerchick]

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again... that is your daughters friends... and yes, I will concede that many parents do not know what their kids are doing - or perhaps they do and turn a "blind eye" - but I was making a statement based on your comment that ALL TEENS do it. No.. they dont. I know many teens that do not and no... their parents are not "ignorant" of their teens on-goings.

I understand what you're inferring to, but...its just not something you should lump all teens into that category - nor all parents.

right! when you allow your kid to go drinking you are teaching them no morals and that being a partier is an okay way of life.AND trust me when i say that ALOT of kids will keep that "its okay to party" mentality all their lives...(you know the type of people i'm talking about....loosers!) So..even if a kid has to sneak...they at least get the message from their parents that its NOT okay... Does no one see this or what..

so you are teaching them to lie to the most important people in their lives? Very moral, yes, I see it.

 

[thechickenchick]

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I have to agree 100%! My sister and I are opposites. Same as you I was the easy compliant one and sis was always challenging and finding trouble. She is the youngest. My whole child hood was about making compromises to keep sis happy. She threw horrible temper tantrums and could really make everyone miserable if she wanted to. So this taught her that you can always get your way if you are "loud" enough.

Don't get me wrong I love my parents and consider them wonderful people. However they had no idea what they were causing. It was her personality coupled with them giving in that caused her to grow up to be selfish and dependent. I used to be resentful of always having to give in to her. Now as an adult I realize that they did me a huge favor.

My parents died when I was 30 and my sis 27. She doesn't know how to cope without them bailing her out of every situation she ran into. Mom I have no $, Mom I can't handle my 4 kids, Dad I need tires, I got fired, but it wasn't my fault......

So where is she now? The same place she was 8 years ago when they passed, hung over or high on prescription drugs in her bed. The way they raised me gave me the ability to cope with life without them, she is not so lucky. Like you said Same background, different result! I sincerely hope that at least 1 of her 4 children can see past their upbringing and stop the cycle she has started.