Parents who have full access to their kid's Facebook account?

[pbjmaker]

I only have one child left at home - she turned 17 today. She has a FB account etc and I don't currently have the password. Last winter when we were snowed in so much I asked her for it to use her farmville account - she gave it willingly. She also has a cell phone that she pays for. It was mine but then she kept borrowing it so much I just told her last year when she got a job, she could just take over paying the monthly payment.

I guess my theory is that I am your friend, etc. on FB but if you are acting suspicious, then I will require a password and I will start snooping through your drawers. School notes, cell phones left laying out in public WILL most like be read. We also require that we meet all their friends before they can hang out with them and no spending the night at friends houses after freshman year. Your friends are more than welcome to spend the night here.

She is a senior in High School - for those of you still snooping through all their messages at this age- when do you start letting go and letting them figure it out? Are you going to just send them off to college and still try checking up on them? I want my kids to be not only book smart, but street smart too and they are for the most part. Two of my kids have moved out and my oldest is doing pretty good. My middle one is still learning from the school of hard knocks but that is just him. They turn to us for advice and my oldest has thanked my for being strict, but still listening to her and trusting her.

 

[bullyforme]

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And ALL publishers of ALL dictionaries have agreed to this? Somehow I sincerely doubt it.

I recently took a business communications/writing class and this is one of the things we learned. There is an actual committee made up of English (American English) professionals who decide these things, as well as which words are added and deleted from the dictionary.

 

[bullyforme]

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Well said and agreed with!

I am frankly kind of dismayed to see some of the comments here that run toward complete control and mistrust of one's children. What kind of relationship is that to have? I am glad I don't. My kids willingly have me "friended" (yes, a new word in this year's dictionary!) on their facebook pages, in fact our whole extended family is connected this way. My sons and I frequently text when we're apart, it's a lot of fun, especially when you can add photos to your texts. We also see each other every day. Facebook, texting, etc are all just additions to a happy, well-connected life.

And my children can keep their doors shut if they like. I do draw the line at locks, however. I just knock before entering. I believe it's important for a teenage boy (and girl) to have some private time, without being asleep!

ETA: Ironically, my boys are allowed to shut their doors - but rarely do! They are more likely to be hanging out with me and the chickens.

 

[RoeDylanda]

I'm a maternity nurse. If I had five dollars for every good kid who made one, or several, bad decisions that landed her on my unit I would be wealthy. The best teenager on earth is going to have moments of shatteringly bad judgment. It's built in to the adolescent brain! Any technology used in my home/on my dime is subject to review, no exceptions. I will look if I have reason to believe there is something to find, and sneaking around adult supervision only shows me that 1) You're doing something you are (rightfully) ashamed of and 2) You lack the judgment to have any access at all.

There's a reason that kids learning to drive have to have an adult in the car. This is similar-- I won't grab the steering wheel out of your hands, but I will make good and sure that you can navigate safely before I send you out alone.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

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I LOVE IT!!! my rule is YOUR ROOM IS FOR SLEEPING ONLY!!! if you insist on going in there to play.. I'm taking your door if you can't keep it open. our kids have only beds in their rooms nothing more.. Dressers are in the playroom. toys are in the playroom. They will never have pc's or tv's in their room.. if you are going to do something or watch something I must know what it is. if you can't live with it.. OH well

Yup, we've got teenagers now, and they do prefer getting dressed in their rooms, since getting dressed in the bathroom takes up too much time and then people are cranky. Clothes are stored in the laundry area, keeps the mess down and in my evil little world, that's fewer hiding places. Books are stored in the family room, keeps the mess down, fewer hiding places. The younger kids, meh, they change in the laundry room still. I don't care. I do respect the fact that a 14 y/o girl does not want her 12 y/o brother and his friends who may be over to see her changing clothes. That's fine. Now take your sister with you (since she wants to change in private also), shut the door, get dressed, and open the door. You can be IN your room, but the door will be open. Go ahead and go read/study/talk with friends/whatever, but leave the door open.

The older kids do have televisions in their rooms. I have control of when they can be turned on. They don't have cable however. Which means they are pretty strictly limited, and anything they watch, the reality with 8 siblings is that SOMEONE will walk by and hear/see it.

The 3 oldest (18 y/o, 17 y/o foster, 14 y/o) all do have lock boxes, but I have a copy of the key and the pass code. 18 y/o kept various zip drives and such that had programming information on it that small hands could easily ruin. 17 y/o keeps his money since he doesn't have a bank account he wants to use and can't set up his own yet, and world's most detailed ledger on how much he's earned, where from, what he's spent, etc. 14 y/o has her journal and some work things in there, again away from little hands. I respect the fact that the reality is a 3 y/o and 6 y/o shouldn't have their hands on the same things, younger brothers can be annoying (and will be punished for doing so, but still) and that being able to drive a car legally and I'm willing to hand you the keys means I should give you SOME privacy, limited as it may be.

 

[chicken crazed 1o1]

My mom doesnt care what i do on facebook because im barely on it when i am on the coumputer i almost always end up on BYC or looking for more chickens to buy .

 

[Buugette]

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I love this... and so agree.

 

[greeneggsandham]

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How does her kids not having the internet, texting, or a camera on their cell phone make them socially repressed?

The technology that people find so important that they just can't live without has ruined this world in my eyes.
I watch kids, teens, adults walking around with the darn thing either glued to their ear or their fingers.
I witnessed a young man walking down the sidewalk a month ago. He was so engrossed in the texting he was doing, he never looked up to see if it was ok to cross the street. Unfortunatly it didn't end well for him and the poor truck driver that hit him was beside himself.
Myself and two other people not only were beeping our horns to get his attention, but we went over to him after he was hit to see if there was anything we could do.

So, yea make sure every parent gives their children cellphones that have everything on so they won't be a socially repressed child. Instead they may just be a dead one!

It's not that, its the having to have doors open all the time, or it gets removed, and wanting to control your child's lives every second of every day, creating mini me's and not being an individual. Lord help them if they ever expressed a different view from their parents.

When I was a kid I didn't have a door on my bedroom. I turned out fine. My daughter only had her door shut when she was changing clothes and sleeping. The rest of the time the door was open.

Have you ever thought that the kids that like to have their doors shut all the are the ones who will be the next mass murders? Think about it. Kids behind the door on the computer plotting who they want to kill and when. No parental interaction because their son or daughter insists they should be allowed to shut and possible lock their doors.
Or maybe when the parents think their teen is taking a nap in the afternoon because their door is shut and locked; they are really down the road with some not so nice kids smoking dope and drinking.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

Quote:
How does her kids not having the internet, texting, or a camera on their cell phone make them socially repressed?

The technology that people find so important that they just can't live without has ruined this world in my eyes.
I watch kids, teens, adults walking around with the darn thing either glued to their ear or their fingers.
I witnessed a young man walking down the sidewalk a month ago. He was so engrossed in the texting he was doing, he never looked up to see if it was ok to cross the street. Unfortunatly it didn't end well for him and the poor truck driver that hit him was beside himself.
Myself and two other people not only were beeping our horns to get his attention, but we went over to him after he was hit to see if there was anything we could do.

So, yea make sure every parent gives their children cellphones that have everything on so they won't be a socially repressed child. Instead they may just be a dead one!

It's not that, its the having to have doors open all the time, or it gets removed, and wanting to control your child's lives every second of every day, creating mini me's and not being an individual. Lord help them if they ever expressed a different view from their parents.

Since this is about me and my children, let's see.

I am a sometimes employed, sometimes stay at home parent with little more than an HS education at best. I'm not hyper social, I don't like people all the time.

18 y/o is off at Cornell getting a degree in something that I have no idea on how it works, it's paid for, and he's got employers drooling over him. He's thrilled with this, I look at it and go errm, what? I don't pretend to understand.
17 y/o foster kid is with us because his parents threw him out of the house for being gay. He and DS18 are good friends, I don't give a rats behind about much in life, so he moved in. He's not sure what he wants to do with life yet.
14 y/o wants to be a pressman, and has started that already. She's giggly, goofy, and has a million and one friends.

All 3 worked at times last year and had cars (14 y/o had work/school permit) so they could leave. I can't control them always, nor do I want to. But I do expect that they let me know what they are doing, the same as if I was going to have a late meeting, I would let them know I wouldn't be home until late. I give them that respect, the same is owed to me.

The rest are between 12 and 3 y/o, and exactly what can they do OR should they be doing without a parent being involved?

And before I'm the worst parent ever for making sure I know what my kids are doing, go read LauraJean's thread on witnessing vandalism and her update around post 116. That's unsupervised kids for you.

 

[KenK]

FYI, to some of the mothers here. Teenage boys sometimes really, really, need to be able to close and lock their doors.