Personal advice needed on marriage and finances

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Well I talked to him. I typed up a budget of monthly expenses. He looked it over and seemed shocked. He's a real talker and he had nothing to say. I was a little disappointed. I also told him I had to have X amount of money for the bills and we would then discuss the left over amount on what to save and what could be spent. He did ask for $30 this morning for gas and that he would need $30 for gas next Friday. So either I reached him or he's just in shock. I don't know. I'm relieved that he seems to have agreed but the lack of emotion has me bewildered.

 

[halo]

Im proud of you, I know how tough that was. I think its very encouraging that he's asking for gas money, i.e. he realizes that the money has to be accounted for. Its going to be a tough change for him, but he seems to be thinking about it. I think shock is a good word for it; he needed to know what the bills are. He's an adult, he needs to share the burden.

Good for you!

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

He did go last night to a friends house and work some with a horse his friend is trying to sell. He brought home 10 bales of hay in exchange for the horse training. I gave him some encouragement. Told him it was a good idea, that would help me a lot if I didn't have to cough up $300 this month to buy hay for the horse to feed all winter.

 

[Yard full o' rocks]

Hangin'....

You did good girl!!

Us men are a bit "thick headed" and don't normally "wanna talk about it". His silence is just a sign he is processing everything.

The fact that he listened, no arguements were started, etc is a good sign and probably will be a "growing point" in your marriage. Set up a budget you can both live with and stick to it!! Discuss jointly any BIG expenditures that you want or need and be sure to "talk about" changes needed in the budget as you go. Finances in marriage are always a touchy issue and I remember that was one of the ONLY things I ever remember my parents "fighting" about.

I think you're on the right road.....you did good! I know it was hard to do, but I'm proud of ya!!

Will keep praying for you and him

Hang in there....things will be gettin' better

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Thanks guys for giving me the courage and confidence I lacked and I am happy with the outcome. On a positive note, a guy is coming Saturday to look at his horse. He did agree he had him priced too high and came down to what I consider is a fair value. He said if we sold the horse that he would wait a year and see how the finances were before considering buying another one. That did mean a lot to me. Those vet bills were hard for me to do.

 

[scarter]

hangin'witthepeeps :

He did go last night to a friends house and work some with a horse his friend is trying to sell. He brought home 10 bales of hay in exchange for the horse training. I gave him some encouragement. Told him it was a good idea, that would help me a lot if I didn't have to cough up $300 this month to buy hay for the horse to feed all winter.

Sounds like he is receptive and willing to step up. Have you thought about changing some of your thoughts on things like "it would help me this winter" and turning that around to "that really helps US " this winter? Just a friendly suggestion on something that jumped out at me.​

 

[hangin'witthepeeps]

Yep, as I admitted yesterday. Most of this is my fault. Lack of communication, years of this is mine, this is yours. No sharing. I was feeling a little mad with myself yesterday afternoon. I was blaming him for not "seeing" the situation I was in. Well if I never showed him a bill how was he to know? If I asked for $400 a month and never asked for more to help was he supposed to read my mind? I'm SO glad I put this here before I talked with him. I could have easily blown this way out of proportion and not solved anything.

I am a firm believer that there is two ways of looking at something. Sometimes my views are not realistic. I have to step back and look at the situation. I'm much happier with my life these past 8 or 10 years that I figured this out about myself. The more I talk things through the more I can step back and look at the whole picture. My goals change every year, this year was to conquer my fear of "talking" about problems. I've really opened up on this post, I know its anonymous, you guys don't know me well, but now you know a little more. We all have faults some more than others. Look through this post you will see, I thought a different way in the beginning, very narrowed minded. As each of you responded, it drew out more of the problems until I saw the root of it and I got the courage to share with him the budget and income and bills. Marriage is sharing everything, I need to learn that hard lesson. How can we help each other if we don't share the problems and the burdens.

 

[Gypsi]

Glad it worked out for you. You are lucky. You seem to be married to an adult. I spent 6 years learning to share and making sure I was communicating responsibly before I decided it was time to move on.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:

That's funny mainly because it's basically what we do... DH cashes his check, pulls out rent money (if any that week, landlord picks it up at work since another employee is also a tenant), pulls out $40 for his gas money and spending for the week, then gives me the rest to pay the bills and feed everyone. On less stressful weeks I'll slip extra in, but he can count on that $40. He loves the 'system' because he doesn't have to stress at all over the bills. Given he's working FT and in his senior year of college that's a relief. *shrug* works for us, would not work for everyone.

 

[halo]

hangin'witthepeeps :

He did go last night to a friends house and work some with a horse his friend is trying to sell. He brought home 10 bales of hay in exchange for the horse training. I gave him some encouragement. Told him it was a good idea, that would help me a lot if I didn't have to cough up $300 this month to buy hay for the horse to feed all winter.

(bonking you on the head!!!) no no no!! You have to stop saying "I"......its WE dont have to cough up $300 to buy hay, not you...remember...WE WE WE!!!!! (no, Im not French).​