Poor little ears..... ::RANT::

[SarahFair]

Shamefully true I let the words slip sometimes. Its a bad habbit and I always correct myself with a nicer word.
My SO is bad about his language... He doesnt have the job where they have to watch their mouths. I mean, its not like hes over using them but he uses them a lot in his stories where he is a little upset or heated.
When he, or someone is around me, is using fowl language I just correct them right then and there with a smile. That way its not like Im punishing or shunning them... just letting them know 'Hey, there are nicer words we can use in the presence of children'
For example:
GD - Gosh Darn
F word - Fudge
S word - Shoot/stuff
D word alone - Darnit
etc etc



IMO the way it sounds like you are going about things isnt going to keep going..
Youre either going to be 1. completly ignored at gatherings or 2. just not invited anymore
Im not dogging on you here either!!

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

First off- I agree 200% with your rules of parenting! You and i are dead on with our feelings on responsibility and limiting the world's outside influences on kids.

That said, I too have issues with Dh's family... we have developmentally delayed adults, and pedophiles (who we are NOT around nor let the children around)
I strictly limit what is said around them... they will NOT hear about my developmentally delayed MIL's truck stop exploits. They will NOT hear the N word nor other racist slurs in speech.
I have left family functions after traveling from WI to Florida because of the racist remarks.

I just refuse to let my kids be influenced by such idiocy.

You have every right to stand up for what you believe in. Your kids will never resent you for an action like this.

 

[AngieChick]

Is it only "swear words" that they are hearing? Or is it also the context of the swear words that are the problem? If my children were subject to hearing racist or sexist remarks, I would have a serious problem with it. Or if the context was sexual or violent speak. However, dropping the f-bomb while watching a ball game is really no big deal to me. My children have heard cussing here and there, but they are not allowed to swear at home and if I hear about it happening around an adult they are in big trouble. Our approach has been that there are no "good" or "bad" words, simply ones that can be inappropriate to the situation. If you swear, you are giving off a certain appearance and will be judged accordingly by those hearing you., and you can get in serious trouble depending on where you are. A 6 year old can totally understand that. It can also become habitual and hard to keep your words G-rated when you need to if you are accustomed to swearing. This sounds like what is going on with the adults in DH's family (perhaps use their example as a "teachable moment" for your kids? ). If this is the only issue, then you need to show your kids that you value family connections more than you do policing other adults' language. You can have a conversation about it, and you can do as suggested by another poster "woops, ____ said a bad word". But to really consider cutting family ties because of some swearing seems like overkill. Unless there is more going on?

As to it being about them respecting your wishes, that sounds like a power issue. You can't control their language, but it's up to you to decide how big of a deal it really is.

 

[PotterWatch]

I agree that adults should not use that kind of language around kids (as I often have to remind my husband), but I don't think that there is much you can do about your in-laws other than remind your child that language such as that is not appropriate. If you really feel that you can't have your child around them, tell them you can't come over for events anymore and explain why. Maybe that will motivate them to moderate their speech.

 

[sparkles2307]

I say, right in front of the offending adult, "Uncle Bob says those dirty words because he drinks potty water. If you say those words you will have to drink potty water too."

If its an adult I'm closely enough related to, I just straight up say "Watch your mouth!" it doesnt matter whose house we're at, no one has gotten upset with me yet.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I don't think it is the FIL or MIL who are the problem, but rather uncles, aunts and adult cousins.

I do agree that there is a difference in an accidentally release swear word and one that is said without regard or respect for the request to not use that kind of language. IMO, swearing while watching sports not only teaches bad language, but also teaches bad sportsmanship, another thing to which I would not want my kids exposed.

 

[sourland]

When my wife and I married, we created our own family. We put this family first and above the families that we were raised in. Didn't isolate ourselves just distanced from uncomfortable situations after we once addressed them and saw no changes. Our family has turned out great- at least so far. Both kids are in committed marriages with great children of their own. No swearing in our home and no swearing or prejudice in their homes. Do what you must to assure a sound basis for your children. They are your ultimate responsibility and greatest accomplishment.

 

[chickenofthesea]

Quote:

 

[redhen]

My question to you is.. why do you keep bringing the children around these people if it bothers you both so much?? Honestly.. if it REALLY bothered me that much my kids would not go there...
Just wondering...

 

[chickenofthesea]

Quote:
This problem actually just came up. Neither my husband nor I were told that it was such an issue to remind people about language till 2 days ago. For the past few years its been a reminder when the language does happen... considering we were trying to continue being with our family. We were just recently told that change would not be happening, and to get over it. So this is where we are now.
I have to say you come across quite negatively... is this striking a cord with you somewhere?