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Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by chickenofthesea, May 11, 2010.
I hear what you are saying...
But, honestly, i wouldnt make a rift with my family about it....
When the "potty mouth" adults say something bad..just explain to the kids (right in front of the adult..).. that what uncle bob said wasnt a nice word.... etc...
Thats what i would probably do if it meant so much to me. YOu really cant stop someone from saying what they want... all YOU can do is tell your kids that its wrong to say...
Looks like the whole post was about adult family members using foul
language around your children?
I see nothing wrong with telling people to watch their mouth around
me. I don't talk that way. I will not be talked to that way.
You're right...I can't control how people talk in their own home. But I
CAN control whether or not my family is in their home.
I'm with you on this one.
Quote:My hubby and I both want to keep our children seeing that our values and morals extend farther than just in our home. By allowing that language to continue, we feel it would show them a lack of integrity, and backbone. The rift has aready been created, by those unwilling to grace us with just small amount of decency and understanding for the way we want to raise our children. It is a shame, but he and I agree that there is no wiggle room on this. Thanks for your imput!!
It's a tough call...
If they can control themselves at work, the should be able to control themselves around children for a couple of hours.
If you had said that they always talk that way, then I would say it is a habit and you are not going to change them. Seeing it seems that they can control themselves it just sounds like they think there is no problem with talking that way around children.
It might be rude, but I do not think it is worth problems in the family. I would just try to remember that not everyone acts the same. Is it really that important that it is worth having an uncomfortable visit with everyone just waiting for you to leave so they can be themselves? If it is than I would keep asking them to watch their mouths, but be ready for tension.
A couple of generations ago "adult language" was fairly uncommon--at least in common social gatherings, particularly ones that included children. Using an explitive had a LOT more impact when it was a rarely used word.
You cannot dictate what others allow in their home; you can protest, but it is ultimately up to them to decide what they will allow and enforce or not. However, in you rown home YOU are the ones who decide. My recommendation is to start doing more of the hosting, and let all the guests who tend to use bad language know that it is not allowed in your home. If they use bad language, depending on the specific circumstances, you may choose to remind them, giving them another chance, or to evict them.
When you attend family gatherings at others' homes, let them know that if bad language is used, you and your family will be leaving and not returning.
The disrespect shown by not respecting your wishes concerning language near your young children is reason enough to sever ties. IMO, you have been overly generous.
We had same sort of thing here. Only my in-laws are (**hanging my head in shame**) prejudice...vocally so.
The 1st time it happened, I simply looked dumbfounded that they would speak such words anywhere, let alone in the presence of my children and made it obvious that I was stunned. I vaguely recall all conversation stopping for a looooong pause.
The next time it happened in our home. I pulled DH aside and offered him the option of dealing with it, or allowing me to. To avoid bloodshed, he took the job. So, a short time later it happened again and DH said "Dad" and then shook his head and said..."bad idea". FIL looked shamed and never did it again in our presence.
Of course, my FIL is (other than the prejudice thing) pretty cool. He would never swear in front of a woman or a child, holds the door for ya, that kind of thing...which causes me great confusion when he has no qualms about being prejudiced.
And I believe that if arent saying NO to something that it wrong then you are by default saying YES, its okay.
Best of luck working this out.
I think it very rude of his family to ignore/ridicule your request to keep a handle on their mouths around your kids. And shameful that they think it's ok to use foul language around any child. A 3-yr-old has the mental capacity to differentiate between adult words and kid words??? Do as I say, not as I do, huh? That's poor parenting, IMO.
And since they apparently can control their tongues around their clients, it reflects even more abysmally on them that they can't do the same around children. You are right in asking them to be polite for a few hours during family functions. I don't think that's an outrageous request. Freedom of speech my @**. There is something called self-control and being appropriate because they are adults!
When the "potty mouth" adults say something bad..just explain to the kids (right in front of the adult..).. that what uncle bob said wasnt a nice word.... etc... I would come up with some snide comment to boot, like "uncle bob needs his mouth washed out with soap, doesn't he?" Can you tell I don't think much of adults that can't speak without throwing around curses?
I'm with you also on this. Has DH also spoken to his relatives? Perhaps pulling in the support of MIL/FIL? If I read correctly, this is other relatives doing it in your MIL/FIL's home.
My DH and I faced a similar situation with his parents. The difference is that we live several hours away and were only able to see them 5-6 x's/year. (Though this began when we were able to see them much more often.) They would blatantly disregard our rules for our children and do the whole, "Grandma thinks it's okay..." We finally had to tell them that if there was such disregard/disrespect for us IN FRONT of us, that there was no way the kids were staying with them WITHOUT us until it changed. Sadly, that is where it is still at as they are unwilling to work with us on this. But, my DH and I are on the same page and are very comfortable with our decision. If it's a big thing, you have to take a stand.
It never cease to amaze me how people--normal adult people--
can choose to act illiterate.
I've seen people actually lose their job over their poor choice of words.
And this makes sense how? Was English not taught in their school?
Yes, I've made people leave my home who refused to use acceptable
language. They can't say they weren't warned.