possible son in law type issues....

[Boyd]

Older daugher is getting apartment on October 1st. D and I are sitting down talking logistics and planning a budget on her monthly bills. Now my foster daughter D is a good girl, loyal, hard working but not the sharpest tack sometimes. I worry folks will take advantage of her....

So here is the doozy.. She starts dating this guy.. Come to find out he's my nephew from a previous marriage

I hadn't seen the kid since he was 2 or 3. So no one is blood related..... This is weird I know....

So we are talking about what there is here to move.. And he pipes in that they need a truck to move stuff. Well buster, I have a 1 ton van, but no truck. Oh wait, your dad ought to have a truck or 4 right? He proceeds to call his dad and demand he help him out moving wise, doesn't care what his dad has going on (my former bil/uncle because age diff) and basically is as disrespectful as can be.

The look on my face makes my daughter D quiet and thoughtful. When he gets off the phone the idiot tried to talk to me. Told me that his dad was being a pain in the butt, but would help the move whether he had plans or not. I was livid

Wouldn't quit talking to me. Wouldn't leave me alone about it. Finally I told him what I thought. Nobody disrespects their parents like that. I don't appreciate it, and honestly, if a 3 year old spoke to me like that I would have slapped them. Why wouldn't the same apply to a 21 year old acting the same? Daughter is embarassed but honestly I don't care.. There is a huge back story here I won't get into but for me this is sort of the final straw with this kid. He's no longer family, the divorce was final 8 years ago.

Daughter packed him into car and is taking him home. I called her and apologized for getting upset, but if he talks to his parents like that, what will he say to her when I'm not around? How will he treat her? I absolutely won't put up with that. Little kid better realize that right now.

Am I doing the overboard parent thing or does this sound a smidgen justified (because I can't fill i whole story I know this is very vague)

 

[redhen]

Nope.. you are right..
I would sit her down and try to explain it to her again.. tell her your concerns...
But you know how that is.. its her choice in the end.
All you can do is be there for her when he screws up...

 

[cassie]

I wouldn't have apologized....

 

[steffpeck]

I think you have every right to be concerned. I agree that if he treats people the way he is when you are around, who know what he will do to her when they are alone.

 

[FarmerJamie]

You da man, Boyd. Want to talk to my kids?

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I think you are absolutely right. Too many girls are willing to take abuse (Even if it's mild) int he name of love. Not all of those girls have a loving father like you to be there for them! Hopefully your daughter will realize that you are right after all, and perhaps she will move on to another guy!

 

[HennyJenny]

Boyd,
I am not in love with the boy my 18 year old is seeing. I think he's a jerk. I think at this age, all we can do is point out that there are people out there who are respectful of themselves and others and that people who are not, are not worth the heart investment. They don't really listen - but neither did we. Perhaps if she was being "quiet and thoughtful" she was already where you were headed. That said, neither my husband nor I would tolerate a boy being disrespectful to anyone in my house and while DH might have quietly steamed - I probably would have done what you did. It is very hard watching daughters make life choices. I try to remember what my Dad says (even though he never was able to stand the things I did either) - "everyone's gotta walk their own chalk". Good luck to you and your daughter. Sometimes, all we can do is pray the heart damage is small and that they learn something. I have no good advice - I just share the struggle and have empathy for your dilemna.

Jenny

 

[booker81]

I wish my dad would have given my ex a talking to like that in front of me before I married him....rather than telling me and apologising for NOT saying it all, while he was writing a check for my divorce

(Yes, my dad paid for my very simple divorce, I was instructed to call a particular lawyer, get a quote, call dad in 30 minutes and tell him how much and where to mail the check).

We daughters really, really do care what you think of our mates

I know my dad loves my husband like a son, well maybe because they are clones

Good for you for telling him and talking to you daughter

 

[Kasia]

Even thoug this boy (I say boy, not man, because a MAN wouln't disrespect his parents that way) is rude and a jerk, your daughter will most likely take his side and not listen to parental reason. We, as parents, have to accept that sometimes kids just HAVE to learn from their mistakes. My daughter is only 17 and she no longer lives with me, her choice and she went to hell and back to get her "freedom". She put my husband and me through the ringer in the past year and a half and now I just hope that I have talked to her enought an taught he enough to where she will make the right decisions in life.

But you are right to worry, if he's treating his parents like that, then he will treat your daughter the same way and as a survivor of spousal abuse (not my current husband, but my ex), I always made excuses for his beating me. He always had a way of making me feel like I deserved to be treated like dirt. I learned my lesson the hard way. I hope your daughter gets enough sense in her head to end the relationship before it's too late.

 

[Katy]

No, I don't think you're overreacting. I will say this tho..... at the age she is sometimes the more we say the further in the other direction they're going to go. Sometimes all we can do is say a bit about our concerns and then let them know we're here for them no matter what.