poured in my life can't it stop? Dads Gone9/25/10Gmas Gone10/31/10

[3goodeggs]

Oh Chickeypoo, I am sorry. I had hoped you would have had more time with him.
May he feel no pain and find his peace.
Hugs to you. I wish I could offer a shoulder to sob on. I will be thinking of you in these difficult hours.
Bless you and your family.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

I'm so sorry the time left seems so short. Enjoy any aspects of it that you can, and do know that he's bound for an easier place. praying for peace, for your whole family.

 

[chickeypoo]

i spent thursday night and most of yesterday with him. i also found out my Gma is not doing well. they think she may have a couple weeks. i went and saw her with the kids last night. she was coherent and asked where the little one was.. and i picked her up and she smiled and said to my youngest DD "oh, you got such curly hair" and we stayed a few mins but we were so hungry. i didn't get a chance to eat all day. gma was happy to see the kids.. asked if it was true that two of her children were coming back to WI.. they are from Nevada. i said yeah, they were coming to see dad. she asked about dad.. but i didn't tell her what was happening right now. but, my aunt and uncle are supposed to be here in October. it will be too late to see my dad.

but, they were saying they may try to send him home with methadone and morphine and who knows what else to control pain. my sis flew her child in to see my dad.. and when he saw her he knew he was dying.. and i din't want to scare him so i said no, he's got plenty of time left. and my neice said to him that she had been trying to get back to see him but with working in the army it was kind of hard. so.. that seemed to calm him down. cuz he was getting aggitated. he only said something after everyone else but her and i had left the room.

i went to my mom's and she took me back to the hospital and sat with us for a while. when he wanted to sit up she helped me grab his arms. and he was being a smarty pants and making jokes and stuff.. it was just me my mom and dad for a while. i know she was sad. she knows im taking it hard. so she wanted to be there for me. he's 14 years older than her. lol. but he's still only 64. ya know? i don't know how she was after she left. thankfully she left after my brother came back. it's hard for me to be alone with dad. he took my hand the other night and said he was sorry. and i asked for what. and he said "i thought there was more time" i told him not to worry about it.

mostly he's sleeping cuz he's been on such his doses of meds. his oxycodone wasn't helping anymore. and even some of the stuff they gave him at the hospital was barely touching his stomach pain. his diaphragm is bothering him.. it hurts to cough. and he makes some terrible faces when he does. it hurts so deep in him.. and it breaks my heart to see him in such pain. it was different when he was home and his leg hurt so bad. at least his oxy took care of that.

im home for a bit today. i may take my girls to a movie. i havent' really told the kids. i don't know how to explain. they do know that cancer can kill a person. we've been through it with an ex aunt an my dads best friend. they know gma and gpa are sick. i think the older DD knows. well, i should go. i gotta feed these kids.. go sit with my chickens and be pestered by my dogs.

 

[babylady4]

I have been in your shoes, and it is not a fun place to be.

Pop over on the cheeseheads thread anytime you need anything....... somebody on there has to be close.

 

[chickeypoo]

Well, after four months of cancer fighting.. my dad passed away yesterday just around 1 pm. he was put into hospice on Friday night... and was in the hospital from Thursday night. We knew he was on the way out.. and he had been in a great deal of pain, they had him on morphine but that started to get too weak for him, and they put him on methadone and morphine and he wasn't in pain when he passed. In fact my sister and my sister in law and him were talking about the pretty women being lined up waiting for him, and he raised his arms, put them down, raised them again and put them down and he was gone. It was like he was getting ready to take flight. I wasn't there. but i think that's how he wanted it.


I spent thursday night and most of friday with him. I didn't get back down to see him, but i told him i loved him. I didn't take the kids down(they saw him thursday and friday), but when i was told he took a turn for the worst, i called my MIL and told her and we took the kids there, and i wasn't even close to getting there and he was already gone. we went down, my mom was already there(they weren't together, and hadn't been since i was about 2 or 3) I went up to his room, held his hand, which was still warm, and told him i loved him. We stayed for quite a while, and before leaving, i took his now cold hand, squeezed it and whispered to him that id always love him. and we left. on the way out, my sister told my DH to take care of me. i was daddy's girl so this was really hard on me.

There's so many memories. so much pain. I knew there would be. Thursday night and friday he was in pain and making horrid faces against it, breaking my heart. I am not a believer as most, but when i came home friday night, i bawled and bawled, and the last thing i did was pray before i cried myself to sleep. I prayed that he'd go quick and not be in any pain. My prayer was answered. I am glad for that.

I miss you dad.

 

[theoldchick]

Very sorry for your loss.

 

[babylady4]

 

[chickeypoo]

I just had to tell the funeral home that dad wanted to be cremated. That was his final wishes.

i figured out what i want for a tattoo. he was a trapper and mostly did coon, and he coudn't ever wait for the warm weather to go out fishing and loved sun fishing. So i am thinking of getting a racoon on a bank, and reaching into the water toward a sunfish. my sis is getting a donald duck tatto cuz his name is donald, and she always called him duck. but it's gonna say daddy duck or something. i dunno. i have been thinking and thinking bout what to get..and last night it just came to me. LOL.

 

[The Chicken People]

So very sorry for your loss! Hugs!

 

[drdoolittle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The death of my father was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. My prayers are with you.