Prenuptial agreements & step-children?

[English Chick]

Jenn... go see a lawyer....... my stepdaughter has just gone through a very very messy dirty divorce... her ex brought nothing into the marraige other than himself, (she owned everything) and gave nothing during their 12 year marriage, they have one son..... he has tried to take everything away from her and their boy, (she supported them all) including wanting half of her horses (3)! I wont go into details... but I wish we had pre-nups here in the UK, I believe they are vital in todays world.........nor should you feel any "guilt" in taking legal advice ............

 

[cassie]

I am a paralegal, for whatever that is worth. And this free advice is worth every penny you are paying for it. That said, I think you should consult with an attorney that specializes in family law. Such a consultation can save you a lot of grief, worry, heartache, not to say money, down the road. You may even find it advantageous not to marry at all and just live together, at least for a few years.

 

[sundance]

Jenns quote----------

I'm not a naive person. I'm in my mid-30s, well-educated, and even-headed. I'm not expecting marriage to be all rosy & yellow brick road from here on out. I know that a good marraige is based on hard work, negotiation, and understanding.

this shows a level of maturity far beyond your age, Personallly I have never ran into this problem, but I have 4 children, all who have divorced and remarried. and from this, my point of view is , both of you consult a lawyer.write your questions down, you will probably forget half of what you wanted to know when you get there,Then if anybody brings up this question, just say everrything is taken care of ,Best wishes for a long and happy life to the both of you marrie

 

[Julie08]

In Canada all assets become joint as soon as you say I do. Also, they can come after your income for back child support and also to base the amount that he is ordered to pay each month can include your income. I would have a prenup, actually I should have my husbands 4 children were small when we got married.

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
how weird, my husband and I are 14 years apart, we moved in together when I was 19 and his kids were 10 (son) 6 (daughter) 6 (daughter) and 3 (daughter).

 

[wegotchickens]

Jenn, you are a smart lady and from previous posts I think you and your DF have been together long enough to know one another. But it never ever hurts to get an outside opinion from a trusted source, such as an attorney.

The ex may be nice now, but splort happens and it's best to have the paper towels handy before it hits the floor, if you know what I mean.

Also, I think your parents don't mean to blindside you, but are genuinely concerned. I lost my dad in 1999, and a lot of his opinions that drove me nuts were proven true over time. Hindsight is 20/20. And by talking to someone (atty) you can honestly tell them it's now okay to back-off. And that you'd appreciate hearing only positives from them from this point forward. That's fair.

 

[Rosalind]

+100 for "check with an attorney"

I personally have not had this problem, but in-laws and friends have.

One of DH's close friends actually ended up adopting both his daughter and his ex-girlfriend's daughter with another man, because ex-girlfriend was found to be unfit (hadn't fed or clothed the children, they had no shoes). The other guy didn't want his daughter and refused custody. DH's friend was originally the non-custodial dad, and ended up with two daughters, with no warning: the court-assigned social worker showed up at his doorstep with two kids and told him that he was getting custody, surprise! He whispered to the social worker, that one isn't mine, and she said, "I know, but her dad didn't want her. Sign here." It made things really interesting for his fiancee. You can't predict surprises. Think hard about how you would feel if a teenager yelled, "I'm gonna go live with Dad! He won't make me clean my room/do my homework/eat broccoli!" and mom said, "Fine!"

FIL, oy vey. The man is on his fourth wife, whom he supports with his tiny pension. He also supports her shiftless, good-for-nothing 24 year old daughter. Wife #4 also has untreated mental illness and has abused him in the past. His will is currently causing nightmares to the estate lawyers of Alabama. If only the man had thought to get a pre-nuptial agreement, our lives would be ever so much simpler, but Wife #4 and her daughter are morally certain that the man has a castle stashed in Scotland, a yacht, and a fortune in plundered gold somewhere, if only they could figure out where. In fact, the poor guy has a mountain of debt and medical bills, and he is the type who doesn't let wifey handle money--so wifey has no idea what the finances really are like. Wifey probably would have refused to marry FIL if there had been a pre-nup required, as she is a champion gold-digger. Of course, all our lives would have been so much more boring...

 

[rufus]

Talk to a lawyer. Have all of your questions written down and go through them one by one. Sometimes it is better not to legally marry someone, but just enjoy their company.

If marriage would affect pensions or cause estate problems, it is better to have it all laid out on paper beforehand.

For what it is worth, there are clergy that will marry you in the eyes of God, but not legally.

Rufus

 

[luvarabhorses]

Wow! what an interesting thread.

I live with a wonderful wonderful man but if we were to ever marry we would get a prenup. It is not a mean thing, it's not doubting your love for each other. You are marrying in the present, this protects both of your futures.

As for your Dad- my Mom married twice, both times she was given property (10 acres) by my Grandparents. My Dad made my Grandparents buy back the property from him. My ex- stepfather also did this. The property they gave me my exhusband wound up with for a song (thankfully they had both passed away by then)- because I did not have a prenup! Try to shake off your Dad's getting on your nerves, my grandparents drove me nuts about things that were none of their business- but I miss them, they really did love me.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind comments and sage advice. I've read all of your posts, though at times I was afraid to open the thread - you never know when a sound bashing will occur when you open your life online to this extent. You have been very kind and I sincerely appreciate that.

As for my parents, my brother sent me this text:
"They love you. You have to shrug it off and tell these stories on your 25th wedding anniversary. Until then, don't think about it".

Love that kid.