Problem-solution essay for English I Honors- needs critiquing

kargo

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Our teacher gave us the following assignment today: Write a five-paragraph rough draft of a problem-solution essay. I'd like you to read mine and give me helpful hints, tips, etc. Thanks.

Ask any author, and they'll be bound to assure you of this- getting your first book published is hard. It's like trying to chew through rock-hard, overcooked lasagna. Most publishers only consider those who are experienced. This makes for a huge problem, because, for one thing, new talent doesn't have much of a chance. For another, all authors have to start out somewhere.
To fix this problem, there are many things that can be done. One solution is that existing publishing companies can form a division within their companies that looks only at authors who have never been published, while the main division focuses more on the authors they already have. This way, the company gets all of the books published that they need to, and new authors have a slightly larger chance at being considered and taken seriously. If a company has workers just to sort through fresh material, it will benefit them greatly, because they can get more things done. New authors will be grateful that they are being given a chance. Everyone will be able to get things done faster, and therefore will be extremely relieved.
A publisher, when confronted by a minor author, will do one of two things- laugh hysterically, or ignore them. To offer minor authors a better chance of being published, a quick, easy way for a publishing company to find new talent could be hosting an essay contest, and a number of essays will be selected. The essays would be short, but could provide a sense of the author's style and talent. Everyone would have a bigger chance of being looked at, and the publishing company would find new talent. It's an easy solution for both sides.
To get published requires an immense amount of dedication and hard work. The support of others helps to make it easier to press on. An association specifically for new authors would help in that tips and advice could be shared. Publishing companies may take a writer more seriously if he or she is a member of a writer's group. Writers could collaborate on their efforts to get published. This way, the new authors stick together and the publishers have more to work with.
To be published is a great achievement. It requires many walls to be broken down. Publishers can be as stubborn as an aggressive rooster. Ways to make being published easier for first time authors include: existing companies creating divisions that look only at new or minor authors, publishers hosting essay contests, and writers who have never been published forming a group. These solutions bring benefits to both parties, without tainting the publishing process.



Thank you for your time and advice. My English teacher says she loves my writing style, and I am quite the perfectionist when it comes to writing the few papers she assigns us.
 
Hi Kargo,
Did your teacher assign this rough draft project just for the students to get some experience doing rough drafts or will this essay eventually be worked into a full fledged, fully fleshed out final paper? The reason I ask is because if your work is just for the experience of taking a germ of writing/ideas, doing a rough draft and that's all I think your essay is great. If it is something that is going to be developed into something more (i.e. a midterm or final paper) then I would suggest a few things. One would be 'reverse engineering' it and, if that is the case, I would be happy to walk you through what I mean by that. How heavily does your instructor count grammar? There are a few grammatical changes I would make but nothing that most teachers would be picky about. How much time do you have before it's due?

I know most folks will think I'm daft for saying this but I kinda miss being in college and witting papers
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I know, I know... geek!
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