Punishments

[EweSheep]

Could you all help?

I give my daughters chores to do, by paying her "tickets". She does them well. I told her if she gets 100 tickets, she will get ONE movie and ONE pizza as a reward. She would be able to earn 100 tickets within a week.

Here's the dilemma.

She mouthed off hubby. Hubby decided to take her tickets...didn't say how many he took. Just a small amount. It upset daughter. I told her she will NOT get a ticket for being mouthy with hubby. Do I agree with this taking away the tickets? No. She will get a ticket for being nice and respectful to Daddy. (They both test each other, acting like kids, and both of them are continuing counseling). DD and I get along most of the time and I was able to gain her attention and trust MOST of the time. Sure she will test me now and then.

Love and Logic method does not work for dd. Made it worse. So the ticket deal worked so far with me. She can have a Sunday off but can earn extra tickets for doing it if she chooses to do it on her own or did something I didn't ask her to do a chore or not on her chore list.

If you use the ticket method, what would you all do if the child acted up? Do you NOT give her any tickets? Or do you take a ticket for each "unacceptable behavior"? How much is too much? I don't want dd get so discouraged that she would give up doing chores. She is 7 years old and has ADHD and just got off one med, into another med, very lose dose of the generic Adderall of 5 mg. Granted due to the LOW doses, she is very hyper and her thinking is all over the place. We just had to "test" this med to make sure she does not have any reaction to it, started it a week ago.

 

[sheaviance1]

Since the tickets are chore related, I would only take them if she was mouthing off to her dad about doing something chore related that he asked her to do. Mouthing off for other reasons would be dealt with in other, more appropriate ways. I would definitely keep the issues seperate.

 

[dainerra]

I saw this on SuperNanny.

It sounds like the tickets are payment for chores, so no I wouldn't take them away for mouthing off. the rules have to be consistent, though it can be hard to get a spouse on the same page.

I would do another punishment for mouthing off. Loss of a privilege or a valued item for a certain amount of time? It needs to be worked out and agreed on by both parents though. And then explained to your daughter. How old is she?

 

[1muttsfan]

I agree with the above posters in keeping the rewards and punishments separate. She earns rewards by getting tickets for chores done. She earns the privilege of receiving those rewards that she has earned by behaving right.

Sounds like your husband could use some behavior assistance also, no fun to mediate when you have 2 behaving like children.

 

[EweSheep]

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She is seven years old with a teenage mind LOL!

Hubby was the one that thought of the ticket idea. Consisency is not his strong suit. She does everything I have asked her to do, she does it because she knows she would get a ticket.

It is hard with hubby, since he has the SAME issues like daughter.

Maybe one hour of TV time?

Half hour in bedroom? (time out?)

No reading time while in bed, ready for bed...it settles her down when she reads before lights out.

Hmmmmmmm trying to think of suggestions. I don't like seeing them getting into an arguement or have to be "one man up" in verbal debates.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

I would separate the tickets from and other discipline. To me making them interchangable would be like rewarding a dog for not barking when a new person approaches, but then taking the reward away if he remained quiet but jumped up on someone in greeting..yes there was inappropriate behavior but there was a goal met in the dog being quiet. Does that make sense?

I would add a consiquence to your regimine instead of taking away a reward already earned.

 

[redhen]

Yep, since the tickets are chore related, i wouldnt take away the tickets..

You need to come up with another punishment for mouthing off...
Now... you could maybe take away the chore/ticket option all together if she mouths off...(for a little while.. like a week or something..)
So she cant even EARN the tickets if she mouths off..
Does that make sense??
But you shouldnt take away her tickets AFTER she already did the chore/work....

Does that make sense??

 

[sonew123]

DH is wrong-take something away from him!

with DD-she earned those precious hard earned tickets-He needs to give them back and suck it up. BUT maybe from this point on...he needs to tell his DD that there will be consequences with tickets if she mouths off. Agree on an amount ahead of time and start off fresh...

 

[Dar]

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I agree she earned the ticket for a chore she already did...

so lets look at this at a different angle... you mouth off to your boss... does he dock your pay?... most likely not... BUT when It comes time that you need a little give like say you are going to be late he may not be as easy right...

so for mouthing off she may have to do an extra chore that was not on her list of chores... or have to earn a few more tickets to get the reward...or maybe have to forfeit 1 of the 2 rewards.... or have a privilege taken away... video game.. ipod ect..


My daughter needed 15$ in order to participate in an after school activity.. I explained to her that I am not made of money and its close to the holidays... I hummmed and hawed about it and then gave in... BUT with the understanding that she had to earn it by doing more around the house... well she didnt live up to her end of the bargin and when she got her $ from grandma for christmas I made her pay me back the 15$ because she did not live up to her end of the contract...

 

[Beth G.]

x2

Best Wishes and

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