Punishments

[chickened]

Husband needs to find his own punishment method not half borrow yours or counselors. The issue is respecting adults and I have found that doing something unique to me produces respect from any child TO ME. Kids respect me because I was clear up front about what is tolerable in behavior. Whatever he uses he needs to back it up. Have him give it some serious thought though on what punishment he chooses because as a guy sometimes it is easier to borrow one and that always does not work. She is mouthing off to him for attention you know.

 

[urbanfarmer101]

The both need a time out!
We use something called the peace corner. I have a quite corner in the dining room with cushions and a beautiful, smooth rock smaller than a deck of card, set up. If anyone has a dispute/hurt feeling or they are shouting at each other (parents too) we go to the peace corner to work it out. We have rules:

1. You may not raise your voice in the PC
2. Only the person holding the stone may talk. The other person must listen.
3. Explain why you are upset, and talk about how it made you feel.
4. give the stone to the other party. They do steps 1-3
5. Nobody leaves the PC until hurt feelings are done
6. Once you have been to the PC, the issue that brought you there is OVER, end of discussion and you FORGIVE each other.

This works very well. We learned it at the school my kids went to. It makes you learn to listen to each other. We have found that mistrust, hurt feelings and past arguments kept us from listening to each other. It just kept getting worse. Now, we have a plan on how to resolve our differences in a calm, peaceful manner.

Our children are with us such a short time...spending it in conflict is not a great memory.

 

[chickened]

Just out of curiosity what do you do when the child will not participate in said program? I ask because I have one that would not.
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[EweSheep]

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That's true....she loves to get his "dander" up that he would be very frustrated.

Our counselor worked with us as family unit, AND individual counseling as well.

Hubby does not like the counselors even he was willing to go each and every time when appointments are being made. Even Love and Logic methods would NOT work for HIM but it does work somewhat with me which I would incorporate some of my methods with that Logic method. I don't have that much of a problem getting my daughter to do chores or being asked what should be done for the day.

Hubby and daughter always clashed from day one, the minute he comes home from work, her demeanor changes. She knows better to listen to me because my punishments are consisent and swift, not dragging it out for days or weeks to come, reminding her of her past bad deeds like hubby's methods. He believes that she needs a "good ol fashioned disclipine". (I don't necessarily agree with this either...that is the problem. As our counselor said, we have "perpextual problems" that we can not agree on punishing her. I would find his methods too harsh, drill sargeant methods, hardcore, and inconsisent and he finds my methods too flexible(various methods of punishments that FITS the crimes), not strict enough or "looks too easy". His major complaints were that he sees me having an easy time disclipining her, she is more responsive to me and does well when he is not around. He used to say I override his decisions and I figured OK, then YOU figure out how to effectively disclipine dd! Still to this day, he is trying to figure it out.

Can kids benefit both parents having different disclipining styles? There are some punishments we agree on and some we are not.

I've seen parts of the Nanny's programs and I haven't seen ALL of it. I wished I had...I could use some of their methods that would be good for me and have different methods and so forth. I understand dd has her moments, good and bad days. She will try to always please me and make the best efforts even she is on the lowest dose of medications. It is a difficult time for her, I am sure, with the holidays and hustle and bustle of things to do and places to go. She has a big gift of gab...talk non stop even I had to "shush" her in the movies because she gets excited about everything going on and misses half of the movies LOL! I had to remind her to continue to watch the movies quietly, laugh when there are funny scenes, that's ok there but to talk while it is quiet isn't. Good thing her name isn't Abby...Gabby Abby LOL!

I do remember seeing the library book about the Nanny....is it worthwhile reading? I was checking out books about ADD/Asperger's books as well as Love and Logic.

Urbanfarmer, that may work if both of them can agree to it. I will bring it up to hubby and see if it would work if they have some disputes why one should do something. It is something ALL of us have to agree on, not just one or two of us.

 

[urbanfarmer101]

In our house, we agreed as a family to do the peace corner, so everyone has to participate.

What it all comes down to is that families don't necessarily have a discipline problem as much as they have a COMMUNICATION problem. Focusing on punishment won't solve core problems in how we talk to each other and work thru our differences.

 

[SourRoses]

Netflix has several seasons of the Nanny 911 up

If you don't have a Netflix... you are welcome to borrow our sign in for it (multiple people/locations can watch at the same times).. just shoot me a PM if you want it

 

[EweSheep]

Today was GOOD! Everyone is in harmony. Talked to hubby about some of the punishments and he will think about it.

DD is good today, didn't even put up a fight with Daddy either.

I'm just blissful! She got to watch her favorite ABCFamily show with toons on it. Christmas special LOL!

Squishy if I need the Nanny 911, I will give you a buzz!

 

[1muttsfan]

I have to say I have watched Supernanny with fascination and awe — she is amazing at retraining parents.

 

[EweSheep]

He is agreeable about giving a different color of tickets for behavior ONLY. Not chores!

He is undecided about the number between 50 to 100 tickets for something she would earn only on good behaviors. Like the children's museum, zoo (on summer days), a toy that we both think she can have within reasonable $$$, and something it is worthwhile and durable that she can play with it for a good while.

 

[EweSheep]

Found this on SuperNanny website..... this is awesome! http://www.ticketstoregame.com/change-your-childs-behavior.aspx

Now if I can get some ideas about more things for ADHD methods, between Daddy and dd, it would go so well! I went ahead and emailed him that link!