question about kids today..

[Chicken Salad]

Quote:
This is a great post, LittleYellowOne. Thank you for weighing in on this topic.

That being said, young people need to understand that there's a way you portray yourself around your friends/peers and a way to portray yourself to "adults" and others. LittleYellowOne says "part of the arrangement is knowing time and place." I fault schools for not making that distinction more plain (in the absence of parents who will - but we all know the old 'take the stuff to school in your bookbag' trick, don't we?). Teens might just as soon learn it because you'll eventually dress/ one way on the job and then the way you dress/behave the rest of the time. For some it'll be close. For some, not so much.

I actually like the Amish approach - the rumspringa. Teens are allowed to dress non-Amish (though most save that for outside their homes) and even get cell phones and gussy up the buggy (or get a car). A time comes when a decision must be made - to adopt the standards of their community or to go out into the English world. I imagine Amish families come up against the situation the that the original post described, though.

 

[HennysMom]

Hmm this one hits home in so many ways. Tough topic.

Lets see, I can be on both sides of this fence for a change as I, as a teenager didnt fit the "typical stereotype". I was a "punk rocker" back in the 80's when "prep" was the fad. I stuck out like a sore thumb along with 6 of my friends. We were picked on and ridiculed for dressing like we did and having dyed hair, some had tattoos and piercings, and wearing what we wore. Did we drink? Nope - did we do drugs? Nope - but were we judged and otheres made to believe we did those things? Absolutely! We were looked down upon all the time - funny thing was - I and most of my friends were straight A students! Baffling and mind boggling

every time I think about it. Even my own parents would ask me "are you doing drugs? Why would you dress like that?"

Yeah Mom & Dad..I'm a drug dealer.. in disguise

until they really got to know me and understood that it wasnt about drugs or drinking...it was about expressing myself and who I was, and it lasted 4 years.... I was just very outspoken in my views and expressed it in my clothing. Did I ever cuss at them to their face? are you insane?! I would have ended up in the hospital for sure - End of story, but every kid talks about their parent, every kid gets mad at them, of course. I just wasnt stupid enough to do it to their faces LOL. I WAS however, very very outspoken and was allowed to have my say as long as I stayed respectful, which was really hard to do sometimes. Now - in that being said, people DO judge by what others wear - we do that as a society and its a shame. I have some friends that look like Hell's Angels however- they dont drink, smoke or do drugs -they attend church and are the biggest Teddy Bears you'll ever meet in your lifetime I gaurentee it - BUT - I've seen people grab their kids when they walk by!

Judge much?! Disgusting....

I raise my kids to be respectful - I would not tolerate (and do not tolerate) them mouthing off to me, my daugther has done it once too often and pays the price for it. I keep hearing "Yeah, well I'm 18..I can do what I want.." and we keep telling her "Yeah..you just remember, that door swings both ways kiddo - you're right - you ARE 18, but under the law you dont graduate until 18.5 years of age, so you are still under our guidance until then unless you care to get married now or drop out of school. Until 18.5 years of age, its our way or the highway - and upon that time when you reach that "golden 18.5" and you throw up at us that you can "do as you please" - remember that we too can throw your behind out because, after all - you ARE an adult and we are no longer responsible for you!" Funny how fast the attitude changes when they discover parents have rights too!

We then hear "But I'll have no place to go.......

" Then obey our rules because even at 18.5, 19, 20, 21, etc... you live in MY house - you abide by MY rules, period. End of discussion, thank you very much!

It never ceases to amaze me how parents want to be their kids "buddies, friends, pals". It never works. You can do that later in life - when your kids are full grown responsible adults - its then when you transition, your relationship with your parents change when you become an adult, however the respect will always be there because they are and always will be your parent.

So many people just dont get that....pity....

 

[ams3651]

My friend and I have boys the same age, nearly 18. We have the same problems, their friends are just allowed to run wild. Their parents dont know where they are, smoking, drinking. Her son gets a hard time from his friends because he has to call and tell his mom where hes going. My sons new girlfriend (thats another story

) has parents who have one son is jail, another on probation and think its perfectly fine that my son spends the night, thats the fight I keep having with him. I feel old fashioned but this is how I was raised and I dont think its all that strict, or all that long ago.

 

[SunAngel]

Ugh, I am dealing with a similar situation. My inlaws came over for Thanksgiving dinner and when it was time for them to go home, my 15 yr old son wanted to go with them and spend a couple days there (they live in the town we used to and son misses his old friends). So they took him and over the weekend his cousin who is 14 comes over also to spend the night til Sunday. My son and his cousin decorate their grandmothers house for Christmas and then spend some time running around town (small town) with my sons friends. We pick my son up yesterday afternoon and he proceeds to tell us how bad his cousin is.

My son was taking pics of the town (as a keepsake) and in one of the pics, his cousin is smoking. I asked my son about it, he said yep, the boy was smoking the whole time they were out and had brought a 12pk of beer to his grandmothers house and was drinking it behind her back.

I was shocked! My kids would never do something like this, or even consider it...I hope. I just cannot imagine what this boys mother is thinking. The boy claims she knows he does both and doesn't try to stop him.

My son didn't tell the grandmother because he didn't want to rat out his cousin, but you can be sure I will be mentioning it. I am appauled. And my son will definitely not be hanging out with that boy like that any more. Its pretty sad when you can't even let your child hang out and get to know their immediate family!

 

[Guinea Goonie]

Man as much as I would want to rant and rage about the problem we are having in this country, I am just NOT going to do it.

I will simply say, we have not raised our children, the government, society, advertisements and television have.

We are now simply a means of shelter, food and a warm bed for most of these kids, not all, but most.

And that is all i have to say about that.

 

[SouthernLady]

I don't have teenage boys, but I've got an 8 year old girl. And I would never ever let her cuss or the like. Even now, she's not allowed to use words that are pretty common such as butt. She thought it was hilarious when our youth group at church was selling boston butts. She said our preacher said a bad word. lol

 

[smom1976]

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agreed! 100%

I wont let my kids do that either..

 

[kodiakchicken]

Quote:
AMEN!!! I am so tired of hearing my friends, who have teenagers, say "well, she's almost 16 (or 17, 18, etc) - that's almost an adult. I can't tell her what to do." EXCUSE ME???? What ever happened to "When you're in my house you'll live by my rules?" I moved back home at the age of 24 during a transition between jobs. My folks had a small guest house that I lived it, but I still had to follow all of their rules or find someplace else to live. I'm 36 years old now and when I go home for a visit with my own children we're ALL expected to follow their rules.

I agree with those who have said one of the big problems is parents who want to be friends with their kids. It's tough to stand up and be the parent, but someone has to do it.

I think the other big problem is that too many people want to have kids, but they don't want to commit the time to being a parent. Folks, it's a 24 hour, 7 day a week job and it's thankless for about the first 20 years, but it's the most important job in the world.

I was appalled when I worked for a local insurance agent in a small town several years ago. The wife of a very wealthy doctor (probably the richest person in our small town) came in with her just-turned 16 year old son and a brand new car. As I was writing the insurance for her son's new car she said to me "Well, I just had to buy him a car because I don't have time to run him to all his school activities." She said this in front of her son!

I rarely have enough leave saved up for a decent vacation because I take time off to go to every one of my daughter's school functions, girl scout activities and the like. I do the same for our exchange student. Unless I'm travelling for work my daughter NEVER has to wonder if I'm going to show up for one of her activities or not. I've even been known to climb off a float plane after being in the field for a week without a shower and go right to a soccer game, still in my hipwaders.

And as far as smoking or cussing - not in my house and your friends better be prepared to follow the same rules or they can leave.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

My parents always seemed to manage to insinuate to us that trash talk and use of swear words were for people less classy than our family. It worked. I always wanted to be classy, not popular.

 

[speckledhen]

I once told a neighborhood brat who insisted on cussing constantly that if he'd spend more days in school instead of skipping, he might learn words that start with letters other than "F". I find that people who pepper every sentence with that type language have limited vocabularies, generally. I cant stand one certain word; in fact, just yesterday, it was in almost every sentence of every actor in a movie on TV and I finally couldn't take it anymore and flipped the switch. And if someone was speaking that way in my home, he/she would be invited to either put a lid on it or leave.