Questions about aging? In jest.

[sourland]

Let's not get serious here folks. Add your own questions/problems and answers - if there are any.

Why is it that every conversation with my peers eventually turns to the latest visit to the doctor's office?

Why is it that I can go to bed feeling fine and wake up with aches and pains, and why do different parts insist in taking their painful turn?

Why must every entrance/exit from a vehicle be accompanied with grunts and groans?

Why are the cellar stairs becoming so much steeper?

Why has my iron clad bladder (the kids used to call me 'The Great Santini) that could last 8 + hours must now be drained every 2 hours or so?

Why are they making those 50 # feed bags so much heavier?

Help me with this, folks.

 

[booker81]

How is it that only a few years ago, I could stay up at least until 6am and watch the sun rise and it was fun, and now, 9pm is "late"?

How come I used to be able to eat a large pizza and a 2 liter of pop and feel great, and not gain weight, and now I look at a cookie and pack on 5lbs?

When did "sleeping in" turn from sleeping to noon to sleeping to 8am?

I'm still "young" by many standards, but this "getting older" thing is for the birds, I swear.

 

[Bunnylady]

When did the floor get so hard? It's a long way down to it (and up from it) too.

How is it that I now need my glasses to find my glasses (and I didn't even used to wear glasses!)

When did they start letting children work as cashiers/waitstaff?

How is it that I can remember all the words to the song playing on the store intercom, who recorded it, what year it was released, and can't remember what I went to the store for?

 

[theotherranch]

How is it that I can walk to another room and forget what I went in there for?

 

[theoldchick]

I sewed a button on a shirt for the first time in 32 years. As a kid I always threaded the needle for my mom. She was the seamstress yet never taught my sister or I how to sew. She could do magic with any pattern and even sewed clothes for my sister's Barbie Dolls and made horse blankets for my Breyer horse collection. Oddly she could not thread her own needle, so one of my chores was to thread the needle before she could start. I always obliged her as my reward was to be allowed to go through the 'button box'. She had the most wonderful collection of buttons.

Today, I had to use the little silver thingy to thread my needle. I was barely able to see the tiny silver loop on the end of that thing. Now, I never used one of these things before in my life and I dropped the needle first thing. Couldn't find it. Not wanting to get up-I have a carnivorous couch that likes to eat buttocks- I carefully picked up the spare needle from the paper envelope it was in. I managed to get the needle threaded, and now had the challenge of finding the button that somehow wandered off into the folds of the shirt like a lost calf in a green pasture.

Nature obliged by covering the sun with dark clouds and I lost some of the natural lighting in the house. The glare from the energy efficient bulb was aggravating, and my eyeballs don't work well in low light-despite having state of the art Progressive lenses. I had a light colored button lost in the folds of a light colored shirt. I really didn't want to get up, so I searched and finally managed to find the tiny thing. Why the scrap does a man's shirt have tiny buttons?

Finally I was ready. I had my needle threaded and my button placed just so. But, dang it, I swear the holes in the back of the button did not match with the holes in the front of the button. I can suture a laceration with no problem, and I was not about to be beaten by a dang button! Once I stopped the bleeding in my fingers I managed to sew that button in place. Then that little plastic disc had the audacity to break! What the.....? Buttons can break?

I flung the shirt aside and jumped up so the butt-eating couch wouldn't get me.....and found the lost needle.

Once I stop the bleeding, I'm gonna burn that shirt.

Old people like to burn things. The fire keeps our fingers warm.

 

[thaiturkey]

Growing old is a great reward for all those years of work and discipline.

We can more easily persuade others to do those things that we never wanted to do ourselves but had to.

We can get away with behaving badly.

We can amuse ourselves by boring younger folk with tales of the past. 'When I was about your age, I remember ........'

When they call us 'old codgers', we can say, 'Well, I made it here. Will you?'

Everyone assume that we will forget things so we can.

We have gained wisdom from experience. We might not be able to do much with it but we have it.

We can afford quiet time to enjoy memories.

We don't have to save money any more.

We grew up when the music of the day was good to listen to.

We can smile at youngsters who think that they were the first to discover everything from sex to driving.

We can behave just as they expect us to just for our own amusement. Wear odd socks once in a while and laugh at them laughing at you.

More than anything, I'm glad that I escaped, so far, the pipe, slippers and TV slide towards the grave. I'm fortunate to live amongst other expats. who feel the same. We meet frequently over a few beers, talk about everything, poke fun at each other and make a lot of noise. Our wives are happy to get us out of their hair so that they can get together over food. They take care of us well because old age is respected here.

 

[EmtheFishLady]

This feels like a trap...but ok...


I don't need to turn on the TV to know it's going to rain...my hands tell me.

I've noticed all the "Heart throbs" are getting to be too young for me.

 

[EweSheep]

I can relate to all of you!

All the water in my ankles, painful muscles getting up from the bed.......I swear my body is closer to needing oiling. Imagine me in the tin outfit with an oilcan in my hand.

Why do I have to be "overcautious" about stepping into anything and going up and down the stairs?

Forgetting what I need to do?

Knocking head upon the door header in the coop more often. I KNOW its there but that door header must be laughing, saying "Come and hit your head on me!"

We shuffle, nothing moves in a fluid like manner.

 

[NYboy]

sleeping though the night without getting up for bathroom.

 

[Tanichca]

Well, I'm not even 20 and I feel old... my joints ache all the time... its hard to go up and down stairs... lose my glasses/wallet even though I left them right there...My idea of a romance novel is Pride and Prejudice, not Twilight... forget things all the time.

Maybe it's not getting old. Maybe it's just being human. Besides, Nuncle George, you have to stick around at least long enough to come to my wedding. So no getting too old.