Raising daughters

[agnes_day]

Quote:
IMHO this is the reason. Kids have all that energy and no way to get rid of it anymore. My mother probably would have killed me as a child if I hadn't grown up in a small town that I could run all day everyday and not get into trouble. My friends moms would have boxed my ears then called my mother to do it again when I got home. But we played sun up to sun down (AFTER our chores were done) and RARELY watched TV.

why is she pent up? throw her in the back yard with a hose, a pool..some lemonade, toys, whatever..

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

pent up as in limited actiities at home. We hae a yard, a trampoline, chickens, hose, slip and slide. And i een let them play the wii every few days. There are trhee so there are things to do. Its not like when i grew up i could go and play in the orchards, ride my bike around the the block, go to friends and families and neer once did my parents worry.

My kids cant walk down the street because of the world today. they dont hae as many freedoms as i had as a young child. Even then i am sure i screamed how bored i was....

 

[Slinkytoys]

I would simply explain to her that her behavior is rude. Rudeness will not make her any friends, nor endear her to others. Perhaps a gift of a book on manners would be appropriate. By taking away your reaction to her behavior and pointing out how her behavior is lacking........might just get through to her. Possibly make it into a shopping trip to a bookstore to pick out the proper (age related) book. Might even help her out in school situations.
Best Wishes,
Slinky

 

[agnes_day]

you have the same yard i do..even more stuff, really..tell her to take some toys, a blanket to sit on and some books or whatever and enjoy some sunshine!

my little girl and her brother sit outside for hours, pushing cars around in the dirt, looking at clouds..holding chickens or whatever.

 

[Frosty]

Seriously? I think anymore it doesn't matter how you raise your kids, as soon as they start school and make friends they change into monsters that we don't know. They think all of the other kids have everything that they don't and get to do more. So they see us as horrible parents that don't do enough or give enough. DS gets into shouting matches with DH and they both say really horrible things to each other. Since I can't control their behavior, I go outside because it really stresses me out. DS won't try it with me because I refuse to get drawn into arguing. He (DS) admits to me that he shouldn't talk to DH like that then adds 'but you should hear how other kids talk to their parents.'. He said he could never say the things to his parents that they say.

I don't know when it will get better, my DD is almost 22, is irresponsible and immature, and still lashes out at me to tell me what all I did wrong raising her.

I have to add that I actually feel sorry for todays kids. School is a lot harder than it used to be, they have it drilled into their heads from an early age at school that they have to go to college if they want to get anywhere in this world. They are pressured to decide what they want to major in and decide what they want for a carreer when they are barely teens. Every time you turn on the news it's all gllom and doom, it's a scarey world. War, disease, the economy... if I was them I would be downright terrified! What happened to just being kids? To the carefree days of youth? At the same time, we are pressured as parents to give them everything. Buy them a vehicle, oh, they wrecked the car? Ok, have another. Want to go to college? Sure mom and dad will pay for it. Local college isn't good enough? Ok, here is rent money. What happened to buying your first car, and even if it's a rust bucket, you are proud of it because it's yours, bought with your own money? What happened to working your way through college? What happened to using your imagination to amuse yourself? Not all kids, but too many today are growing up with a sense of entitlement, thinking that everything should be handed to them with no effort expected from them. They don't value what they have, there is always something better to want. If that is the way of the future, I"M scared! ** end rant **

 

[agnes_day]

that is why you control who they are friends with, where they go, and you have to keep that attitude in check, of wanting everything everyone else has. seriously, if its not good enough for them, take what they do have away, tell them that they are grounded until their attitude changes..never let them treat you like their peers because they arent your peers at all. as for the news and tv...get rid of it! we havent had tv in years, and i dont miss it. we do have movies that we let the kids watch, but as far as just sitting and zoning out on tv all day? nope. we, the parents have to get rid of this sense of entitlement in todays children..bemoaning the loss of values and morals wont do any good, but taking immediate action will. your son needs to be put in his place by his father, or he will get a whole lot worse. if your older daughter is still "lashing out" at you? cut off all financial help and tell her to call you when shes grown up some. seriously, kids will only take it as far as you let them.

 

[GlitterBug]

I agree with everything agnes__day says.

I personally believe kids are absolutely no different in what they need than at any other times before us even in this "Electronic-Age." They need boundries set by their parents and for those boundries to be enforced. Children are very unhappy with the so-called "freedom" to be rude/undisciplined and will grow up to be incredibly unhappy and resentful adults...something none of us want for our children. Actually, your child is "crying out" to you for some discipline and for you to "be a parent."

I will admit that I have had a tendency in the past to let my own kids dictate to me at times as well though. I have learned that is just the worst thing for them...and our whole family. I remind myself that I am the parent~~not friend!!~~to my child. They don't need a friend, and they are much more secure when we "follow through with the rules we have set" even if they state otherwise at the time. It takes a lot of effort on the parent's end, especially at first, when they are not "used" to the change in US! Parenting is definitely not for the lazy! It is such hard work. But always worth it.

There are a lot of good parenting books. I found "The Seven Worst Things Parents Do," by Friel, was helpful to me.

You can do it! Your child can be happy....and so can you!! Best wishes in all your endeavors!

 

[sfw2]

Quote:
My Dad says that wives give you white hair. Daughters make your hair fall out. I think he's right.

 

[lacasitarojafarm]

I was on Facebook with a freind that's having a hard time and he posted this quote and it made me thing of this thread,

Dalai Lama: "One of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety is to try to shift the focus of attention away from self and toward others. When we succeed in this, we find that the scale of our own problems diminishes. This is not to say we should ignore our own needs altogether, but rather that we should try to remember others' needs alongside our own, no matter how pressing ours may be."

That is the challenge. To raise children to be aware of their entitlements, that anything beyond food a roof and clothes that keep you warm if it's cold and cool if it's hot -- is a luxury. That life is hard for others and that there are children out there with no parents or with parents so poor that they put them to work. To appreciate what they have instead of moaning and groaning over what they do not. However, they take a lot of their cues from society and freinds (that is why you have to control who their freinds are and what they watch) and they also take a lot of their cues from Mom and Dad. So if your husband critcizes you incessantly so may your child. And if you covet other's posessions so may your child... and if you lose your temper easily... and so on and so forth.

On another note, my husband says mother-in-laws give you white hair

 

[ellend]

Sometimes what seems to be "handed down" from previous generations really IS--it's genetic predispositon. Not to an inherently "disagreeable disposition," but to anger management problems and\\or other "social disorders" that can have a physiologic basis.

For some, social-cue learning is intuitive. For others, social-cue perception, or thought-speech modulation, or any number of things, must be carefully taught. Intelligence is NOT a predictor of these disabilities, as many children with these disorders have high intelligence and are very perceptive in other areas.

A.D.D., and A.D.H.D., for example, are OVERWHELMINGLY denied by those who ought to know better, including teachers and health-care professionals! ESPECIALLY when the child is top-of-the-class intelligent, because everybody thinks "she can do it when she wants to." ONE-ON-ONE testing often shows NO deficit, because the child's attention is focused by the one-on-one interaction. Yet, P.E.T. scans clearly demonstrate the difference in A.D.H.D. brain function.

Websites are no place for advice for this--please have her evaluated. Then you can be guided in learning strategies that will help her lifelong, not just the often recommended "back-of-the-hand" approach, which usually creates resentful and dangerous behaviours later.

Good luck, and block your ears when people tell you "not to be a wimp", and other simplistic "remedies." Your daughter needs to know you love her even when you don't love her behaviour, and be helped to more productive means of expressing herself--as well as being helped to NOT ALWAYS need to express herself.

....Nurse-Mom of amazing, wildly intellligent, previously exhausting A.D.D. daughter--with (retrospectively realized) overwhelming family history.