Rambling rant-how do you survive parenthood to a teenager?

[spook]

Hormones, nothing like them. Well, my mother always told us that we "loved school/class" and we proved it. How? By wanting to stay back so we could take it again.
I would suggest that instead of a tutor, summer school- its something "you" as a parent have been curious about and it would be interesting to attend with him, you could use a few brush ups. And say this with a friend over the phone, like you are telling secrets- lol. He doesn't need to know your not serious.
I as one of those kids that saw school as pointless found that once I was challenged with classes higher up then what was the schools "norm" I Aced every one of the classes. For some reason our kids are not being challenged, the schools would rather see kids get to the next grade then stay back and learn something.
Sounds like you need to find a few places for him to "Apply" for a job, let the employer say why they wont hire him, or let him work to pay your tutor, its not your responsibility to catch his butt up in school, you did your part, now its up to him. And remove the TV, Computer, Games and extras from his life until he can prove he deserves him, if you think he needs the phone, block it through the cell phone company for only your number and only his phone rings your number, oh, and don't tell him.
I did not have kids, but I raised my brothers kids, so they had all those blessed bad, rotten habits when they got here the 2nd time.
Other then that, I'm not one for this, but try alcohol...for you! LOL. And this to shall pass- Good luck and its almost over, 18 he can do as he pleases after he moves out of your house that is!

 

[AllChookUp]

Mom2EmAll - I went through dealing with a teenager not unlike yours. I don't quite remember HOW we got through it - Expect for a lot of prayers and tears. You get to a point where it has to be VERY tough love.

Our daughter eventually turned herself around, but not soon enough. I will say that if she had been a "son" instead of a "daughter", I would have put him through a wall.

Good luck and prayers for you.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Quote:
Oh no, dont offer that. I am very much liable to take you up on the offer.

 

[HennysMom]

Oh my... hmmm..

Well... sounds to me like perhaps your son may be having issues at school with other kids - have you asked him directly? (not that he would tell you right away....but...he may). Its been my experience that kids that used to go to school and get good grades, and suddenly drop off and do this - are 1. getting picked on and/or bullied, 2. (oh gosh, I know you dont want to hear this but I'm going to throw it out there) - have found illicit substances or alcohol, 3. having issues with identity (either girl or boy) (again, not saying your son specifically - just making general statements based on my experience), 4. depression follows from all of the above.

The school was absolutely wrong 100% in not notifying you by the 5th day of abscense - and I'd be holding them accountable! I'd set up a meeting with the Superintendant of the school system and ask where the failure to communicate on their behalf lies. If they tell you it is not their responsibility to ensure your child is in school - they are WRONG - it is the LAW - its Truancy Law and most kids cannot, by that law drop out of school without parental permission until the age of 16. Even at the age of 18, if a child is still in school - they must still have a parent sign a waiver (at least here in VA its that way) that they are allowed to drop out of high school.

You're very lucky your son doesnt have an ankle bracelet on him at the moment and isnt in juvie - here where I live in VA, he would've been put in front of the judge for Truancy and into Juvie with a leg band tracking his every move. By 8 days missed, they fail you here no matter WHAT the reason - doctors note or no - you're facing the School Board and Superintendant - then you attend Saturday school until every hour is made up. If that doesnt work, then its summer school in addition; if that fails - they can (and do) trek you off to Juvie for failure to comply - and the parents get hit with constant visits from Social Services and CPS.

Talk to your son - have a heart to heart - it really sounds like something major is going on there and he's just afraid to say something. If he's become more moody and angry, then you know something isnt right. You know your child better than anyone...think about how he's been acting lately and see what you can come up with and approach him gently. Is there a Big Brother / Big Sister group he can join to help give him a positive "outside" role model and someone other than Mom and/or Dad to talk to? Counseling is great - and I recommend it highly...however....sometimes kids see it as punishment when they are dragged into a "stupid adults" office to talk - so .....something like Big Brother / Big Sister tends to help alot.

hang in there hun - I'm praying for you both!

 

[MissPrissy]

Quote:
No, really I do, MissPrissy..

Not matter the cost. No matter what I had to sacrifice. No matter what I had to sell to scrape up the money.

If he were my son, with skipping school and anger issues and 'what's the point' and the I don't care attitude -

First I would kick myself in the butt for letting him get away with his behavior for this long.

Then I would locate the nearest military academy or bootcamp for teens and park his butt in there until he earned a better attitude and appreciated the privilege of going to school and having the opportunity to be something and make something of himself to be proud of.

If I had to eat romein soup, mac and cheese or bean and rice 7 days a week to pay for it he would be out faster than he could blink an eye. A military school drill sergeant or a boot camp intructor will give him plenty of reasons for "What's the point".

I don't play games with children. And yes, teenagers are children.

 

[Mom 2em All]

Rte.66_chicks :

It is very surprising that he was allowed to play football when he was absent so much and was failing. I thought that "No pass, no play" was pretty universal.

Here in AZ, notifying parents when kids are absent is required by law, on the day they are absent.

Oh we have the 'no pass, no play' rule here too. Also, if they werent in classes the day of a game, they are not allowed to play in that days game.

That said, the coach apparently looked the other way. For that, I hope I got him in trouble, too.​

 

[the1much]

Quote:
Oh no, dont offer that. I am very much liable to take you up on the offer.

and im liable to teach him the "hippie way"

i grew up with my mothers side being loggers,, and my fathers side are fishermen,,,,,,,if he's "tender" then you may want to send a snot-rag with him,, there will be crying...

 

[Katy]

Rte.66_chicks :

It is very surprising that he was allowed to play football when he was absent so much and was failing. I thought that "No pass, no play" was pretty universal.

Here in AZ, notifying parents when kids are absent is required by law, on the day they are absent.

That was my first thought too. Here if you're not in school you don't practice or play and the school calls the parent if they don't show up.

Not excusing his behavior, but I also put part of the blame on the school for not letting you know long ago about the issue.

I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes other than NO privilages at all for a long time.

Someone suggested going to class with him....I like that idea a lot!!​

 

[BayCityBabe]

You have your hands full. That's for sure. You seem like a very proactive, involved parent. You couldn't have anticipated this...
It is not my nature to think in terms of litigation. I don't have an attorney on speed dial or anything. In this case, I am thinking that the school district messed up and you are expected to "pay" (literally and figuratively) for their mistake. They let him play sports when they knew he wasn't in school?!!! I cannot get over this. The district has to make this right. You shouldn't have to pay a dime for summer school. A first step might be a meeting with the Superintendent. A second step might be an attorney...

 

[Beau coop]

I work in a school and am part of the student support team that deals with this issue as well as many others.

We would have put him on our "radar" after missing 6 days. Calls go home through the attendance department for EVERY absence starting with the first.

At the seventh a meeting, or at the very least the dean will have a phone conference with the parents.

If there is not a good reason why the student is absent(medical, funeral, etc) t or if the parent is not aware the child is missing the next step is taken. Meeting at school with dean and teachers, parents and students where a plan is mapped out to help the student regroup and link him with every support system that is needed. Tutors, counselors, mentor. kick in the pants.

Is it possible he may have intercepted some phones call while he was home?

Can they link him up with the school counselor to have him assessed? He may be being truly bullied or threatened in some way. Is he hanging out with different friends? Has anyone else been skipping with him and hanging out in your home?

Something must have occurred to change your A student to failing. The key is to figure out what while helping him feel supported and given the sense that he can be successful at school again.

This can be very trying on parents, so you need to take care of you too.

Best of luck with this and hopefully your school will be more helpful. If not I suggest going over them to the superindentant's office. You will get action then as they will recongize that indeed they dropped the ball.

Be the squeaky wheel.
Michele