It irks me and frustrates me when people won't help themselves into a better situation. Irks me worse when people don't help those in true need because they lump all people together and think the worse of them all. There are panhandlers at intersections begging for money on the street, and then they get into their car and drive home with their "earnings". Then there are others who don't have the mental capacity to hold down a job, but are not mentally bad off enough to be locked up on the governments tab. They prefer solitude on the street instead of crowded and noisy shelters. They're happier with the gift of a blanket and shoes. The fake homeless guy only wants your dollar. Husband's will send their wives out to pan handle, knowing they'll get a little more.
You have a young single mom of several children mooching the system with a warped sense of reality and doing what she can to get every hand out she can, to benefit her, not her kids. Then you have another single mom with several kids who used all of her strength to dig herself out from under a controlling, abusive, alcoholic guy who was no good, and she needs all the help she can get for the sake of her children. The system is broken, but it does help those in need eventually, and carries along those who don't really need the help due to laziness. Which prevents help getting to those in need faster, and drags on the time for approval.. but not everyone is a mooch. But it is still there to help those in need, as broken as it is.
There are a lot of ungrateful, lazy, self entitled people in this world. There are not that many people out there willing to help, even if they themselves are not in the best situation either. It's really sad all the assumptions people make. Flying by someone on the side of the road, thinking to themselves "They'll be fine, they have a cell phone". Maybe they don't, not everyone has a cell phone. Or the battery is dead, or the minutes are used up. Driving by an awful house with a family in it, going through who knows what. "They'll be fine, a church will take them on"... "There are programs to help them, they'll be fine". Not if no one tells the church, or the people in place to help. Some people honestly do not know just how much help there is available. Others are simply too proud to take hand outs, they don't want to be like those mooches everyone complains about, they're better than that. They would rather poach for food (hopefully) than take a hand out. Or trade illegal deer meat for meth. Whatever. That's not always the case, one way or another.
One of the worse things you could do is make assumptions about people and lump then all together as being "not worth the help". But on the same note, another mistake is blindly giving to everyone you encounter. Make sure your help is really help. If you're unsure of how to help, contact someone who will know.
I have poor family, I mean... living in squalor poor. To give them money is to buy them booze. They will lie to you about needing money to pay a fine or to get a lawyer or for dealing with some problem. A problem easily avoided by better choices. But they lie, and will go get drunk or high instead. We stopped bailing them out of jail a long time ago. Subsequently, they stopped getting locked up so often since they knew no one would go bail them out. If they manage to drag themselves over to grandma's for x-mas, they'll get clothing and shoes and what not as gifts. They're not allowed over if they're drunk. They've been known to steal from each other. They've made bad choices. My aunt lost her children some 15 years ago. All too proud to get help, and none of them want help. And no one has the money to send them to rehab, if you could even get them there. God forbid a stranger shows up and tries to help and gives them money. That's not help, but the stranger not familiar with the situation may not know that. I've known these people my whole life, you can't help them.
But that doesn't make me think everyone is like that. I help people when I can, knowing full well they may be like my grandma instead, who never touched alcohol, never took a hit off a cigarette even. But she scrounges by on her SSI, after slaving her life away as a nurse, and raising those kids. Half her kids turned out great. The other half are dead beats. Because she worked full time as the breadwinner with a dead beat husband, she didn't have time to monitor their every move. How they turned out, good or bad, was on them and the choices they made. They could be like their dad, or they could be like their mom.
When both parents are bad... those kids need help. Early. The odds of them turning out the same is high. They NEED outside influence to give them a shot. My mom was one of the good ones, made it out of there with good sense, work ethic, and knowing already what mistakes to avoid, so that I didn't have to grow up like that. I know what's like to be poor but honest. We also know what's like to have Christmas overflowing from under a tree, a big house, nice cars, and a full understanding of what it takes to get those things.
It all boils down to others helping you to help yourself. It's up to the givers to pick a cause, to give where they see fit. Even if you can't give much, you never know which giving action will have the most influence, a small little thing could change someone's life forever. Or not at all. If you give often enough, you learn by doing.
Karma sure is a funny thing, unless you're on the wrong side of it. I've seen both sides. I've already learned my lessons of being stingy or selfish. Things go much better when I'm honest and giving. Everything falls into place perfectly until I get greedy. It's uncanny.
If the OP wants to help in any way she can... have at it. Maybe the next propane bill won't be so hard to come by. If you scratch off a winning lottery ticket, best to share, or you won't win again for a long time. I bought new clothes for myself, clothes I didn't really need, and I haven't won since. The time before that, I gave half to the church, and won again not even a week later. Weird, huh?
But you can't give and expect good things either, that'll backfire. You have to give freely, with no thought to yourself. A true giving nature isn't about what you give, the amount you give, it's in what mindset you give. If you feel compelled to give, do it. More people need to. I like giving close to home, I don't like trusting others to export giving. Start at home. Work your way outward. It's not our place to judge anyone, but it doesn't mean you can't use common sense.
