Recently divorced, kids are falling apart, moving, and our dog killed our year old Pilgrim gander la

[Jeanna Marie]

I hope that you guys are doing well. We would love an update on your family.

 

[zixichick]

Divorce is in many ways more difficulty than a death. It IS a death -- the death of your lives together, the future you both envisioned, of your family as you envisioned it.On the other hand It is also the birth of a new life with new opportunities, adventures and memories. Wishing all of you well and good luck with the move. Sorry to hear about the death of your gander (I'm down to one lone Pilgrim widow myself and am awaiting a new batch of Toulouse I've ordered). Sometimes when it rains it indeed pours. Hang in there -- life will get better!

 

[oldrooster]

Divorce is in many ways more difficulty than a death. It IS a death -- the death of your lives together, the future you both envisioned, of your family as you envisioned it.On the other hand It is also the birth of a new life with new opportunities, adventures and memories. Wishing all of you well and good luck with the move. Sorry to hear about the death of your gander (I'm down to one lone Pilgrim widow myself and am awaiting a new batch of Toulouse I've ordered). Sometimes when it rains it indeed pours. Hang in there -- life will get better!

Many widows and widowers will disagree esp. if it a sudden death, because in a divorce, much like a death you may not want to accept it, but people cannot suddenly get hit by a by a bus and end up divorced, you can see it coming even if you come home to the door locks changed and a police officer handing you the summons for divorce court and you didn't think your marriage was that bad off you have at least a couple of weeks before the case goes before a court or arbitration. not so for some spouces loosing their loved one by death, the go off to work and a couple of hours later a phone call or knock on the door and they are dead of a car accident or whatever. I saw my mother go through a lot when my father died suddenly. you may want to re-think your position.

 

[kkidsmom]

Many widows and widowers will disagree esp. if it a sudden death, because in a divorce, much like a death you may not want to accept it, but people cannot suddenly get hit by a by a bus and end up divorced, you can see it coming even if you come home to the door locks changed and a police officer handing you the summons for divorce court and you didn't think your marriage was that bad off you have at least a couple of weeks before the case goes before a court or arbitration. not so for some spouces loosing their loved one by death, the go off to work and a couple of hours later a phone call or knock on the door and they are dead of a car accident or whatever. I saw my mother go through a lot when my father died suddenly. you may want to re-think your position.

As someone else mentioned each situation is unique. In divorce you often lose more than one relationship which indeed can make it as or more difficult to get through. Prayers with everyone who suffers lose of any kind.

 

[oldrooster]

Quote: Your comment allows for variables to each circumstance, the one I quated was I felt indicated it's one or the other, I have known some divorced, like you have indicated the friends and families either choose one or the other and sometimes niether (because of how it ended or just they felt awkward to be friendly with either party). I have known some divorces like that and some where nearly all of the friends and family (his and hers) side with one or the other party, or act like to both that nothing has ever happened. I hope the OP has found stability and support in her time of need.

 

[zixichick]

I should have said going through a divorce CAN be more difficult than going through a death. I say this based on what those experiencing both death and divorce have shared with me and others. Whether being the one deliberately left, or being the one who does the leaving, there is a unique sense of loss, responsibility and grief. The fact that both parties are alive, that the relationship goes on when there are children involved, the whole issue of custody and visitation, issues of blame and responsibility and the fact that it involves a volitional act by one party complicates it tremendously. This is not to compare suffering (one cannot) but an acknowledgment of the pain and difficulty involved and one that often goes unrecognized.

 

[blythspirit]

I hate to 'qualify' someone else's pain..It is a terrible loss to lose someone, through death, divorce, it is still very painful. I speak from experience.

 

[oldrooster]

I hate to 'qualify' someone else's pain..It is a terrible loss to lose someone, through death, divorce, it is still very painful. I speak from experience.

Very well said, I was upset because of the earlier post that said to the effect one had it worse than the other, you are correct, pain is pain and each different situation brings different amounts of pain and we shouldn't say or think one has it better than the other both are horrible experiences.

 

[kkidsmom]

Very well said, I was upset because of the earlier post that said to the effect one had it worse than the other, you are correct, pain is pain and each different situation brings different amounts of pain and we shouldn't say or think one has it better than the other both are horrible experiences.

well said.