Reliving the KIDS issue

[Britney]

Rufus are you familiar with the Nancy Kerigan story. Mom and Dad constantly allowed their son to move in and out. Unfortunately the father ended up dead because he and the son had an argument over the phone I mind you. She does not want to toss this girl into the streets. However she is chosing not to allow this girl to run their home. It is her home. In today's world Debi and Ken are on a budget and the child who needs to eat I mind you will not pick up after herself now will she contribute to the home to make it a peaceful home for the family. When it gets down to this woman having to hide food in her bedroom and having to get into a yelling match for the girl to contribute it something has to be done. What bothers her may not bother you. She and her husband have to worry about their health and should not have to deal with arguing with an adult child. Don't forget that can cause someones blood pressure to rise. Debi has to do what she has to do. She knows what her stress levels can and can't tolerate.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
WOW! This kid has had a pretty danged good life, all three of the them have. I don't recall saying anywhere that I didn't love her. I don't recall saying anywhere that we are ignoring her future. It is not OUR responsibility if she REFUSES to attend her classes, clean up her messes, and is rude to her father. Nor do I blame society. In fact, I believe from your post you didn't read a danged thing here!!!! It is an unfortunate fact that some young adults think they know everything, and it will take a mighty tough hand for them to find out differently.

I want this child to be successful and skipping school, refusing to follow the rules at home and being disrespectful is not taking steps toward success, and neither one of us should put up with it and wind with a dead beat 45 year at home.

And tough love is no longer coddling a young adult when they refuse to help themselves. At almost 21 years of age, we have spent the last two years working with her together, and I know her dad did before we met. She has had options to improve her life presented to her over and over and over.

And THAT is my two cents.

 

[Britney]

Debi it sounds like he or she is feeling for the child. Don't let this get you upset you have to much on your plate to deal with for now. I love you hon and feel your pain

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
You are right. Re-reading it, sounds like something personal that has nothing to do with my situation. Thank you so much for your kind words. Its Easter weekend. She is home today WITH her 2 year old half brother.

 

[WriterofWords]

Wow,, yeah, Rufus must be thinking of their own situation and not yours. You've never ignored, thrown away, or refused to plan with these kids, it's not your fault they've turned out this way either. Tough love is loving them enough to make them grow up and turn into responsible adults by not enabling them and turning them into dependent lumps.

 

[rufus]

What I am saying is that sometimes you have to work with a kid. You have to start planning their life while they are young. You have to prepare them for adulthood. They must establish goals and work toward them. If their goals are not your goals, you have to accept that.

However, you cannot let a kid sit around and play video games until they are eighteen and then wonder why they can't get into college.

Whatever you do, don't throw them away. Tossing them on to the street almost guarantees they will end up going through the prison system. And once in the system, very few people get out of it.

Jobs are really hard to find now days, and that is something that probably won't change in our life time. Encourage the kid, don't criticize. Sometimes it take a lot of patience.

Rufus

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Quote:
Just curious as to how many you have raised? No parent that worries and rants this much about their child is an uncaring parent, but we do want them to get off their butts and positively impact society instead of being a drain on our pocketbook for 20 more years. It is beyond reasonable to want a couch potato to get off the couch and get a darn job or AT LEAST GO TO SCHOOL when they are scheduled to!!! Seriously, read all the posts. The kid is lazy and trying to be a mooch. Love or not, that isn't acceptable. As far as being negative.....well....positive isn't working apparently. Deb and her hubby has done their share I am sure to ensure this kid has needs met but it is her turn to start to meet her own needs. Sometimes you HAVE to push them out the nest or they will NEVER FLY!!

 

[rufus]

Two kids. Both went to law school. We lived on beans and tortillas to be able to send them through school.

They saw me go to work every day in that prison system and their mother in the bank. They knew we had a lot riding on them and their education.

Rufus

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
We are not asking her to get a job as unemployment here is 17.5%. We INSIST she is in school, and she has clearly stated that school is a waste of her time. Both of us refuse to allow a young adult with a brain the size of Texas to sit around here and sponge off of us. She has her rules and refuses to follow them. As much as I am tempted to say "Do you want her??" I love the kid too much to pass her along. She does not play video games either. Her choices in friends leave much to be desired too. She is clearly, in my eyes, a class above them. However, the woman needs to get off her butt and make something of herself, and if takes tossing her out, that is what we will do. She is far too smart to wind up a criminal because we tossed her out - after repeated attempts encouraging her to get her life in order.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Ah you work in the system. That says alot. Thank you for what you do! Please realize that all humans are different. This child is a hard headed individual who REFUSES to folllow the rules. She is kind, loving, intelligent, pretty, humorous, and a major pain in the butt when it comes to getting off her arse and getting it together.

ETA: We HAVE worked with her. OVer and Over and over again. There comes a time when one realizes that if something drastic isnt done, that same child will be bouncing home until one of us dies. We are not turning our backs on her, we are forcing her to make a mature decision for a change. She HAS to do something or this incredible young lady will wind up a loser. That is the last thing we want.