Rude Teenage DS

[HollyBird24]

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Ahh, ok

 

[spacecowgirl]

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I feel the same way. My girls aren't grown yet, in fact my oldest is a "tween", but some of the issues we've gone through with my oldest, rival that of dealing with a teen. There are many times where I wish I had never had kids. Of course my kids will never hear those words out of my mouth. My mom said similiar things to me, and let me tell you, that stays with you all your life. I really never thought raising kids would be this hard.

The emotional toll is overwhelming at times. I'm finding consistancy is the key too, but kind of hard to maintain. I'm getting better, though. I'm pretty anxious as the girls get older about how things will go. It's very true that when they hurt, you hurt. You just want to see them happy, and sometimes the universe doesn't always see it that way. I try to remind myself that this is only a short time compared to their life as a whole. It's amazing the things I'm starting to remember, as my daughter starts to face certain obstacles.I'm remembering the way I would feel if my mom said a certain thing, or how I felt when friends were mean at school. I don't enjoy having those feelings drudged up, but at least it allows me to be a little more empathetic to my daughter's emotions. I just really try to be there for her, and give her the best advice I can and hope she makes good decisions. I have found that sometimes if I just listen without judging(which can be very hard for me)she tends to come to me more often. There are many times where I really don't feel like listening to her latest problem. Not that I don't care, just that I'm emotionally tapped out at times. I try really hard not to let on about that, though, so that she knows that I am always there to listen to her. I am really dreading the days where she really truely feels I'm the enemy. I can only hope that she still feels she can always come to me.

Thanks for posting this, Rancher, and yomama....You've made me feel so much better about the way I've felt, at times, in my 14 years of parenting.

I truly hate to say it, (and never would to my kids) but I've felt exactly the same way about the regret thing. Parenting is soooo hard. I wouldn't take it back, I love them with all my heart, but, jeeze, can't they appreciate the wonderful life I've given them?

I've threatened them with sending them to a third world country so that they can see how good they really have it. They say bring it on. Haha! No clue..... I can just see them now; "Where's the take-out pizza? Sodas? Candy? Constant source of delicious food?XBox 360? Constantly streaming 56 inch television in HD and Netflix? Youtube? Ipod? Nintendo DS? iphone? Electricity? Running water? Vehicles? A room to sleep in comfortably without getting eaten up by mosquitos and other horrible insects?

Oh man, I can't type anymore because I'm overcome with my evil laughter just imagining their reactions.....

 

[zzGypsy]

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the post I quoted had three parts

I cried alot over them.
Many days there are times when I regret having kids
and heart ache does not end.

you selected one part of one of the three to focus on. that was not the whole message.

wrong to say it? nope. not if it helps her to see the other side and make a change.

why do I think I can help her? quite possibly I can't. however, sometimes something I write on a public forum does help someone.

it does seem I have some history in common with Holly, we share some personality traits. and sometimes people can hear things from a stranger that they can't listen to from someone they have an entrenched and embattled relationship with. sometimes it helps people to see that someone like them has struggled with the same issues, and has been able to make changes. It's up to Holly to take this information in and do something with it. she seems smart and tenacious, so if she chooses to make use of it, if she can use it as leverage, it may save her some hard lessons down the road.

and as Holly said, she'd rather be told straight out. (another way in which she and I share something in common.)

at any rate, my discussion here isn't really about your defense of her feelings. it's about what Holly posted and any time she's heard enough from me, she can say so and I'll be happy to step out.​

 

[HollyBird24]

I do appreciate the time everyone here has spent replying to the posts here. I know you all mean well.

Gypsy, you and I seem to share the same wavelength, so to speak. You sound like a decent person. If you were once like me and succeeded, perhaps theres that chance that I might too.

I spoke with my mom this evening, basically just generally asking her if she considered me to be a spoiled brat. We had quite a long conversation (basically me nodding and saying yes once and awhile while she talked) She says that I am very opinionated and not always considerate of others opinions. So I guess that kinda narrows it down to what I need to work on. (She also jokingly said that I was sort of a "guinea pig" as far as raising kids go because I'm the oldest. Still not sure how I feel about that

)

ForestOwl, even the smallest things can mean a lot. Whether they are posted on a public forum or spoken by your parents. Despite the fact that we're all in different parts of the world, thousands of miles apart, I know that I'll take something from this conversation. (I'm assuming its pretty much over, anything further would be beating a dead horse I would think

)

Oh, and redhen, the definition of "bring it" is: "Used as a "manly" comeback to someone who is being challenged, or it can be offered as a direct challenge to another."

Cheers,
Holly

 

[herfrds]

A bull whip? I like that but I got something better, a hotshot for cattle. Now that sucker will wake you up in a hurry.

Thanks Rancher.

Dropkicking has been discussed. His attitude has gotten better this weekend. Only had to ask him once to come give me a hand.
Yeah we have had a couple of rows like this in the past. He would lose things like crazy. So he just doesn't want to push it that far.
I had bagged up his toys one year and he didn't get them back for over a week. He was about 9 or 10 when that happened.

 

[HollyBird24]

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My parents took away my toys when I was 7 or 8. I only remember being horrified that they were taking my beloved Winnie the Pooh alarmclock.

I still have that clock actually.

 

[zzGypsy]

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nice way to start to put these ideas into action !
you get an "A"

you can make the changes you want to, you've got brains and tenacity on your side... you can do this.
it's really ok to get a little outside help when you need it... makes the lessons go faster.
and PM me any time if I can help with a bit of external perspective or an idea to try.

ETA: and yeah, I'm in that oldest child guinea pig spot too. my mom once said the way to raise good children was to have at least three and throw the first two out. I *think* she was kidding...

 

[HollyBird24]

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nice way to start to put these ideas into action !
you get an "A"

you can make the changes you want to, you've got brains and tenacity on your side... you can do this.
and PM me any time if I can help with a bit of external perspective or an idea to try.

Yaa, I passed!

Thanks for the offer about the PM, I'll keep that in mind.

 

[redhen]

Wow, Holly, you seem to have changed your attitude a LOT in the last few posts...

Wonder if us old folks actually did "bring it", and made you take a step back and take a look at yourself...

Keep it up, you'll be okay..

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

The fact that you sat down and talked to your mom is AWESOME, Holly! That shows a maturity your first post didn't. Good for you!!!

OP- Strongwilled kids are the hardest to parent, but they eventually turn into the best adults. I would much rather have someone who knows their mind working for me than someone who is wishy washy. You just have to temper the strong will with a kind heart, empathy for others and a respect for authority. It sounds like you are working on all three.