should I be bothered by this?

[critterrun]

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x2 It's the only thing that made my husband walk beside me. I also started just stopping and waiting for him to stop, then made him wait for me to catch up. He came up with the holding hands idea after I did that a few times.

That is what my husband has to do so we can walk together
other wise he is way ahead of me
I hurt my knee

before that he would hold my hand so I DID NOT WALK AWAY

I didn't even know I was doing it. just on a mission to get where I was going

so grap a hand belt loop or shirt
and have fun

we smile now,
when I do it .
because he knows he was going to fast for me

 

[country lady]

I haven't read all the posts so maybe I am repeating. My suggestion is to hold his hand. We still hold hands after decades of marriage. I tend to walk fast and so does DH at times. With us it is just a focus to get some place. Is he either unaware that he is walking too fast or just focusing on getting inside a building? It isn't petty if it bothers you and you don't have a princess syndrome. If you have to ask "should I be bothered by this" then you are bothered.

 

[zzGypsy]

But ultimately, yes, I should of took him up on his offer to have him go get the truck and come and pick me up after the game.

sounds good, and lots of whatever kind of praise works for him when he does... sometimes we stop rewarding what we like in people we know too well, take it for granted. if you do what makes him feel good when he does this sort of thing, you'll probably see more of it.

Honestly, I wouldn't of minded walking that far, being in pain and all, had he just walked with me. I'm used to alot of pain, I've developed a pretty high tolerance over this past year (nasty ordeal with pain meds. I currently have not been taking anything for pain for about the past 2 - 3 months. I always say that if I were a dog with hip displaysia like this, I would of put me down by now

) .

that's probably the thing he needs to hear. in general, guys want to make things better. they want to fix stuff. if he can't stop your pain, that's probably hard on him. if he knows by doing something like walking with you, he can make you feel better, if he really gets that, it'll give him a way to make things better. lots of appreciation from you when he does lets him know it matters.

In my defense, I do speak up usually. I will say things like"I can only go so fast" or "see you later grandpa" (referring to all the old men we see walking 10 feet ahead of their little old wives.)

I don't know about yours, but my hubby takes a reminder well if I can make it playful. I just have to watch for that edge between a playful tease that reminds him, and sarcasm with an edge... my nature is less playful than his, so I have to pay close attention here.

But I think I will have a little more of a serious talk with him the next time this comes up, letting him know that it doesn't just irritate me, but that it does hurt my feelings and makes me feel like he doesn't want to be bothered by walking with me.

maybe sooner? don't wait until it's a problem and you're upset again... if you can make it a gentle conversation when you're not upset, sometimes it's easier to be clear.

Regardless of what I should be doing, I still think that it is insensitive on his part a little. I guess I just miss the gentleman behavor he used to show me years ago.

it is. both of you have a part in this, as in most relationship bumps. I think we often don't fall out of love, we just get lazy about doing loving things... and then we start to punish, or withhold, or sulk, or withdraw, or manipulate, or all the other little things we didn't do when the chemistry was new and everything was easy.

And yes, I have told him this too. What makes this hard for me too, is that he is not afraid to show affection in public, he is very loving, will do anything I ask of him, no matter what, but yet he doesn't seem to get this one. I will try the holding hands thing, though I'm usually the one that stops it, because my hands get hot, or it sometimes throws my balance off.

hold hands, take his arm, say "sweetie, I hurt a bit today and it always makes it easier if you walk with me". you might need to give up being annoyed with his not remembering, and be fully satisfied with his giving you what you need when you ask.
*that* was a really hard one for me to get... did not fit my mental model of what "love" looks like. but it comes down to what my shrink said that finally got it through to me: "Do you want to have him give you what you need, or do you want to be angry and annoyed? because it's your choice."
I had to decide if what I *needed* was the action itself, or him remembering to do the action. if it's the action, I need to just get over myself and ask. if its the remembering, I need to communicate that very specifically, and I need to respond with something he loves every single time he remembers.

BTW, I was born with hip displaysia, so I get it about your pain.​

 

[jbourget]

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[Louise's Country Closet]

I'm the short fat one in the family so everyone walks faster than me, I feel your pain! Literally sometimes because I push myself to try to walk as fast as everyone else and end up sore by the time we get anywhere. My husband is over 6' tall and walks a hundred miles an hour and my mom might as well be a professional speed walker

I hate going anywhere with the two of them but I've learned to tell them to slow the heck down. In every single case, they just didn't know they were doing it.

.......

(I'm waiting to see how long it takes my mother to find this post.. since she loves BYC too, buaha)

 

[MeatKing]

This is my pet peeve too, drives me nuts..

I always ditch him, he knows how I feel... When he spends half an hour looking for me and the kids enough times, maybe he will remember.. I carry the car keys, the money, and all the kids.. He can stay with us, and enjoy our company.. Or he can spend his outing time looking for us.. He has missed out on things like coffee or McDonalds, when were at a big Walmart.. I just smile politly and say.. Oh, you would've like a coffee? you weren't with us, i don't read minds.. Here's the cash, go get it yourself... i know it sounds harsh, but really.. I'm Canadian, I'm your partner, I'm your equel.. don't treat me like a second class person..
Good to know, more than just me, is drove nuts by this..

Sorry no suggestions on how to fix this...

I heard a saying once years ago...

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead you
Walk beside me, and be my friend.

Maybe that's why I don't follow well

 

[Matthew3590]

Honestly you shouldn't be bothered by it. If you are I agree with the holding hands idea.

Some ways suggested to cope with it to me seem kind of rude.

 

[Dar]

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LMAO Must be a Canadian thing!

 

[waryyear950]

Louise's Country Closet :

I'm the short fat one in the family so everyone walks faster than me, I feel your pain! Literally sometimes because I push myself to try to walk as fast as everyone else and end up sore by the time we get anywhere. My husband is over 6' tall and walks a hundred miles an hour and my mom might as well be a professional speed walker

I hate going anywhere with the two of them but I've learned to tell them to slow the heck down. In every single case, they just didn't know they were doing it.

.......

(I'm waiting to see how long it takes my mother to find this post.. since she loves BYC too, buaha)

Hey I found it.I don"t walk fast

 

[yomama]

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