should I be bothered by this?

[darkmatter]

I'm also 6'5" and walk way faster then my Hobbit of a wife. I usually drop her off and then park. We always take separate shopping carts and meet up later (aren't cell phones great?). We've tried shopping together and the Missus tells to go $&@& off somewhere and leave her alone, she'll tell me when to pull up and load up the Diesel Beast with the haul. (we've been married over 30 years)

 

[zzGypsy]

holding hands should work. or putting your arm through his. it's a practical solution.

there's two parts to this...

1) you have different natural paces
2) you don't tell him when you hurt.

not suggesting you should make a big deal out of whining, but if you're in pain a lot and don't mention it, and only say something *after* you've way over the edge of what you can tollerate, he probably doesn't gauge your level of pain or ability correctly... you have to teach him what that really is, and communicate what you can reasonably do.

he offered to drop you off, even though he knew it would mean missing half the game. that was considerate of him. you elected to walk instead. that was considerate of you.

on the way back, given that he probably isn't gauging your ability to exert yourself correctly, it would have helped if you spoke up and said, "I'm really sore from the walk up here, I think the walk back will be a bit much for me. would you mind getting the car and coming to pick me up?" he'd probably have been considerate again and done it. you wouldn't have hurt yourself, and there wouldn't have been a situation where you were pushed over the edge with pain and frustration, and where you - once again - were angry with him over the same old failing.

in a way, it was a bit of a set-up - although I'm sure not intentional. you wanted him to know how you felt, and wanted him to act to prevent your pain... that would show consideration and caring. but he probably doesn't know enough about when you're in pain, or how much pain you're in, because you don't always tell him. and much as we would like, guys, even ones who love us a lot, often don't read our minds well.

if this were me and my hubby (and I do have some similar limitations) he'd be calling me on the carpet, and rightly so, for expecting him to read my mind and not giving him enough information. I'd have been the one with the information that I shouldn't do the walk back, so I'd be resonsible for sharing that. if he didn't respond appropriatly at that point, then I'd have a legitimate gripe.

I'd love it if my hubby always knew what I needed, always did what I wanted, always remembered everything that bugged me and never did any of it. but hey, he's human and we're not identical. if I'm not getting what I need, in the moment, it's my job to speak up.

in addition, it means I'm not accumulating gripes when they could be reasonably avoided, and can enjoy our time together more.


I've been on the other side of this too. my ex thought if I loved him, I would know what he needed and wanted. if he had to tell me, somehow it spoiled it for him... because it meant I didn't love him enough to know. needless to say there were a LOT of things he needed and wanted that I didn't know, and since he wouldn't tell, he went without. made him feel unloved and made me feel set up. that's a big part of why he's an ex.

just tell him, in the moment. and hold hands.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

My Dad is a fast walker, too.
My mother will usually yell something along the lines of "Not all of us have 6 foot long legs!" and she'll hold his arm the rest of the walk to keep him in pace.
He may not always realize he's doing it and may not know how to change his pace without some coaching.

 

[chicmom]

WOW! Insensitive man! Since it's still bothering, communicate about it a little differently. That will get his attention. I will sometimes send my husband an e-mail or a text message when something bothers me, so that I can say it perfectly.

Boy do I get an instant phone call when I do that! He doesn't like to hurt my feelings at all!

Give it a try......

Maybe you sort of minimized the incident when you brought it up before........

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
Amen.

Ken is like that too but he always has been, and in accepting him I have accepted that PART of him too. I don't let it bother me. He is rather loving otherwise. Is your DH loving otherwise? I am short and Ken is tall. We just cannot keep the same pace. I have often wandered off in stores, just to teach him a lesson!

He WILL find me with a worried look on his face. HAHA!

I do that too! Im short and hubby is tall and I do have sore hips and feet (plantar facititis) and I would tell him I'll catch up with him. Then I make my move elsewhere LOL!

 

[Spookwriter]

I'm the slow walker always stopping to talk to sombody
or look at something. Imagine that.

But mostly we walk together. One stops, the other stops.
And yes, I still open doors for her.

Known my wife a while. I generally know how she feels or if
something is on her mind where I'm in trouble. Thats when I
walk faster trying to get away.

 

[EweSheep]

zzGypsy, you talk like a psychologist LOL! I love your answers!

Yes, holding hands is good but some guys don't like to hold hands or get uncomfortable about it.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:

Try running!

 

[KenK]

I have a very hard time walking as slowly as my wife would like to walk. The thing I can't understand, and I've asked her about it and she can't explain it either, is why she can maintain a pace that keeps her four steps behind but can't stay even with me.

 

[sourland]

Hold hands! It's how I slow the Princess down. When she is really in a hurry and my back hurts, I just let her go. Eventually she realizes that she is alone - she does not like that.