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should I be bothered by this?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by yomama, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Let me first start off by saying my husband and I have been married for a little over 13 years and we love each other very much. I'm a hard working stay at home mom, that works part time,very sporatically, for the school system, as well as take care of our two daughters, and our "mini farm". He works full time, co-owning a construction type business. He's a good dad and tries to help with the kids, even though I have to remind him often to jump in. We get along just as well as any other married couple, with our share of stresses and problems. We don't have any "domestic issues", he'd never hurt a women, child or animal, for that matter. I know this isn't a huge deal, but it bothers me nonetheless, and I think I just need to hear from a neutral audience. I realize that the longer you are married, some of the niceties kind of dwindle away. Things like chivalry aren't always as important to the guy, and so on. Anyway, I don't want to come off petty, or princessy either, because I am definitely not a princess, but here's the deal: Anytime we go out together, either as a couple, or as a family, he always walks ahead of us. It just drives me nuts. He's tall, 6'5", so it's kind of like driving behind a semi on the freeway, you can't see ahead of them or around them. I think it mostly bothers me because I feel like he should just walk with us, as the "man of the family", the "protector". Every once in a while, he'll look back and slow down, but then just speeds up again. I have hip dysplasia, had the first hip replaced in June, and the other will be next month, so I don't walk as fast as most, but it's not like I walk super slow. I think the last straw was we recently went to a college football game. We had to park far away and walk to the stadium. He told me it would be apx 1/2 mile walk. "ok" I think, " I can probably do that" Well, it ended up being about 2 miles! I was ok to the stadium, a little sore. But then after standing most of the game I got really stiff. Needless to say, I was in tears by the time we were only half way back to the truck. What bothered me is he walked ahead of me most of the time to the stadium, and was only a little better on the way back. He still walked ahead of me, while I was in tears! I'm not sure if it had to do with the fact that his cousin and wife, who are super nice and understanding, were there with us or what. I've talked to him numbre of times about it, and he really doesn't say much about it. Am I just being silly? Any suggestions as to how to deal with this?

  2. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Well, heres the deal..
    If you have spoken to him about this and he STILL doesnt seem to care that it bothers you...
    Well, i WOULD push the subject AGAIN... and be SURE to tell him how MUCH it really bothers you...
    If he still doesnt get it? Dont know what to tell you... thats not a very nice thing for him to do to you.
  3. Avalon1984

    Avalon1984 Songster

    Dec 22, 2010
    Quote:X2 [​IMG]
  4. satay

    satay oz-e-chick

    Sep 2, 2008
    Esk Qld Australia
    I don't really have any useful advise other than to say if that were me, my hubby would tell me to wait there and go get the car and come get me. Sounds like your hubby is being rather mean not looking out for you.
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  5. fuzziebutt

    fuzziebutt Songster

    Mar 9, 2009
    When he gets far ahead, just STOP. He'll backtrack to find you. Tell him you got tired of running, and had to rest. Now, the important question: Why didn't he drop you off at the stadium and then go park? And drive back to the staduim to get you when he got to the truck? He may not realise that he is being inconsiderate, so instead of telling him, ask him if he will drop you off and park. Or ask him to walk with you, as you are maybe not feeling too steady. PLEASE don't assume that he thinks of it, because he doesn't.
  6. Baymule

    Baymule Songster

    Jul 1, 2010
    Northeast Texas
    Being confrontational is not always the best way........sweetly coo....."Honey, my hip is a little sore tonight, I need your strength." Then you wrap your hand around his arm and again coo......"I always feel so safe and secure when I am with you." Compliment him, shower him with praise, most men have fragile egos that must be stroked and petted like a cat........and soon he will be purring.
  7. Quote:He did suggest dropping us girls off at first, but by the time we got there, due to traffic, if they would of done that, parked the truck, and walked back, they would of missed half the game. As for on the way back, when he offered (half way back) I was so pi**ed, I could barely even talk. Honestly, I hurt so bad, it wouldn't of made much of a difference. On the way back he would act sympathetic at times while we were walking, but then start to go past me again. I think part of the problem is that I've been affected by these hip problems for quite a few years now. Even though the pain I feel is just as bad as it was when it started, he is kind of just used to it. I don't want him to feel sorry for me, but a little empathy, and gentleman behavour would be nice.

  8. fuzziebutt

    fuzziebutt Songster

    Mar 9, 2009
    How about a handicapped plackard for your truck? He could park you closer, and you wouldn't have to walk so far, maybe a win/win? Or a scooter and run over him. I mean, run alongside him.[​IMG]
  9. he may just need some reminding. I walk a lot faster than others and I have to conciously stop myself because I am a normally fast walker and it just feels natural to fall into that rhythym. Kinda like when speaking another language you have to conciously slow down for a new learner to understand you and sometimes you have to be reminded to speak slower- he may just need to be asked to slow down. Let him know how much it means to you. And then when he does it make sure to tell him how thankful you are. If he's not inconsiderate in other ways, I would suspect he's just falling into his natural pace of his stride and you need to speak up to mention the issue before you judge him rude. Sometime people are clueless, and if you have recently started having hip problems and suffer silently most of the time he may be clueless to the change in the situation.
  10. cameron

    cameron Songster

    Sep 5, 2010
    Cattle prod. That'll get him to mind his step.

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