Signs of a Child Molestor/Sexual Predator

[EweSheep]

Quote:
Exactly, Boyd, exactly is what my hubby is saying and doing. He loves kids, no doubt about it but there is a line somewhere that makes parents uneasy. Would I think less of hubby as child predator? Of course not but it is difficult to let him know you just dont do that in public or family reunions doing that simply because it makes people unconfortable. Even you have a good heart and good intentions but hell, why would I want him in trouble when he does not need to be? So a forewarning is better than nothing being said. If he ever gets into trouble, lets hope it never happens, "I TOLD YOU" comment would come out of my mouth. And it would create a black mark on his record and he would not ever get another EMT job that he worked so hard for.

As for the poor fathers taking on the mother role, I feel for them! Sometimes I think they need to question the child a little bit more before getting on the bandwagon. I know child molestors can lie big time or want you believe them.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

My mother is the clinical director of an agency that deals with children who have been sexually abused. usually, it is either dad, uncle, family friend, or the son/husband/boyfriend of the daycare/babysitter... I have heard terrible stories, all of which are true, and now will NEVER leave my children with any men. Ever. Not to say that all men are sickos, or that women never are, but really it's like 95% men, and 5% women. And most of those 5% are women with teenaged boys, like the teacher/student thing. I think it is important to teach children that they are the boss of their own bodies, and that they can say NO to ANYONE... priest, babysitter, neighbor, President of the U.S... I have told my kids that some people are 'wierdo-perverts', and I say it like it's a ridiculous thing to be. I mean seriously, why would someone want to look at your private parts? Or make you look at, or touch theirs?!? Gross! What a weird thing to want to do! This gives my kids the sense that it's not their fault at ALL if something bad happens, and we as parents need to understand that making it seem like a REALLY BAD THING can make kids scared to tell you the truth, and they'll keep it from you so they won't get in trouble... so I try to make it real clear that it's just a sick thing that some people have in their brains, and isn't really about the kid at all. Trust your instincts, and if someone acts weird around your kid, you can tell your kid that "mr. Bob makes me a little uncomfortable, so I don't want you around him. If he ever tries to talk to you or be around you, I want you to tell me." I was molested when I was in 6th grade, by one of my study hall teachers, and I never told anyone, because I was ashamed that I hadn't stopped him. I didn't even say 'no'... i just let him, and was sad, and quiet.... anyway, my son has a kid in his class, and that kid's dad gives me the HEEBIE JEEBIES. He works with kids, and has kids, and makes my skin crawl. He is the first guy to chat with the moms, and was really pushy inviting my kids over for a sleep over... he is the guy down on the floor, playing with the kids, and he's always got the BEST toys, so kids WANT to come over. I told my son that he wasn't going to go to that kids house because I thought the dad was a 'weirdo-pervert', but that since I didn't know that for sure, that my son wasn't to mention it to anyone, but to be super careful if he ever ended up alone with him. If anyone ever gives you the creeps, say something like "Hi, I know that you are only meaning the best, but I'm an overprotective mom, and it makes me nervous when people get too touchy with my kid" It's fine to make it sound to the 'person' that you are the one with an issue, if you are uncomfortable saying "hey, stop touching my kid"... but be clear with your child when you are alone, that you felt uncomfortable with the touching because really, Nobody should be touching a child that is not theirs, unless with express permission. As far as having a husband who makes you uncomfortable with touching other people's children, you need to sit down with the man FAST. If someone was that touchy with my kids, I would assume that he was a pervert, and If he tickled them, or touched their bums or anything, I would be making a complaint. Seriously. lots of perverts 'groom' children by tickling them in front of their parents, the kid sees the parent approve of the touching, and then the pervert has the parent's 'permission' to touch the child, and then he increases it, and it gets bad fast. If anyone needs pamphlets please call your department of Health, and ask them. They should have the right numbers for you to call. Feel free to PM if you want.

 

[3goodeggs]

That is good advice. I read the back ground to the Roman Polanski garbage this morning, and I was sick that an adult would be so ...creepy, and the girl felt that it wasn't really rape because even though she said "no" he wasn't violent.
I am sorry that you had to go through what you went through. It seems there is a story from every woman that I know about something creepy or horrible that happened to her, and either she felt to blame, and did not tell anyone, or the parent or teacher/adult did not believe her or felt that it was over blown. It makes me wonder what our mothers went through as well. Maybe every woman has a story like that...
maybe it is time to stat talking and stop feeling to blame for some creep's perverion.
Might shouldn't make right.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

One out of every 3 girls will be victim of molestation. Less so for boys. Education is where you need to start!


this next is from http://childprotection.lifetips.com/cat/63573/sex-offender-statistics/



Characterstics of Child Victims
U. S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics has combined a study of characteristics among those child victims of convicted sex offenders and child molesters. These statistics are based on the reports of offenders in the Survey of Inmates of State Correctional Facilities, and include the following:

* Three out of four children who were victimized were female.
* One-third of the covicted offenders had committed a crime against their own child.
* About half of the convicted offenders had a relationship with the child, either through friends or family.
* Only one out of seven inmates reported that their child victim was a stranger.
* Four out of ten child victims suffered forcible rape or another injury from child molesters.

* In almost half of the the child molestation cases, the child was the convicted sex offender's son, daughter, or relative.

* White inmates were nearly three times more likely to have victimized a child than black inmates.

* More than three-fourths of violent crimes against children occurred either in the offender's home or the victim's place of residence.

* More than half of the negligent manslaughter offenders' crimes occurred in a public place, such as a park or a street.

* Nearly two-thirds of convicted child molesters and/or offenders were or had been married.
* Child molesters and offenders were more likely to have grown up in a two parent home and were more likely to have been molested as a child.
* Approximately 22% of child offenders reported having been sexually abused as a child.

* Eight out of ten crimes by convicted sex offenders and/or child molesters in their own homes were forcible rapes or sexual assaults.

* Only one in seven offenders reported using a weapon to perpetrate the offense against the child victim.

* More than 40% of the child victims of convicted offenders suffered forcible, rape, injury or death as a result of the crime.

 

[FluffyColor]

Quote:
Oh.My.Gosh.

THE MOM CALLED THE POLICE?!?!WHAT THE HECK IS HER PROBLEM?!?

Honestly,I've seen private parts A LOT AND NO ONE IN THE FAMILY WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO CALL THE POLICE.He was put into jail for letting a towel slip off his waist?That is the MOST stupid thing I've ever heard.It's not as if he was doing any harm to the girl.He didn't even expect the daughter to come in.He thought it was safe.That's like people under 18 not being able to sit at a bar even though they aren't drinking anything.

People sure get into trouble for stupid things!

 

[farmin'chick]

We used to teach our foster kids that the parts your underwear covers are "private parts", and that means that no one should touch you there--I used to also teach my kindergartners the "Roll, Snap, Scream!" If someone grabs you by the wrist, if you roll your thumb to point down and snap your arm down really hard in the direction of where the thumb and fingers cross, you can usually cause their hold to release. And you scream and make lots of noise, yelling NO and I DON'T KNOW YOU! The kids would practice....try it out, it really works. A fire chief friend in Wyoming taught us that from their "child safe" program.

 

[peggym]

I have always told my kids, that it is their body, nobody else is allowed to touch it! I also told them about good touches and bad. It's hard to determine what is what when they are younger, as they get older they will start to realize what is right or wrong. My daughter[who is now in college] told me a few years ago that a couple of her teachers in high school made her very nervous, not that they tried anything but just a feeling about how they acted around her, I think kids are intuitive and have a sense about what is not right. Definitely talk with your child and let them know about bad touching verses good. I also agree about hugging other people's kids. I love my girlfriend's kids but I also helped raise them, but I wouldn't just hug a kid who wasn't really known to me. It's a very hard call, so just keep the lines of communication open with your child. I still watch my 8th grader son get on the bus!!

 

[CMV]

EweSheep have you tried a little baby shampoo in the bath? It bubbles up pretty well, doesn't have a lot of perfumes and is usually mild enough not to cause skin problems. I use it in my daughter's bath because she breaks out in hives if I use regular bubble bath and has had yeast problems if the water gets too soapy.

My best friend is an adult survivor of molestation committed by her grandfather. She has never recovered from the experiences of her childhood despite years of therapy. This is an issue that is close to my heart because of her and the fact I have my own daughter. I want my daughter safe, but I also don't want her scared to death to leave the house. It's a tricky line to walk.

 

[EweSheep]

Thanks, it is very informative to read all this!

I am going to try to talk to DD about it when I read up on it enough to explain to her what is not right and what is right to talk about private parts. Would she be able to decide what it was good and not? I really dont know if she is able to see the differences of what predator is doing and what a family member or friend is doing either. I do not want her to be paranoid but not get anyone in trouble as a mistaken communication either. And hubby will get his "lecture" when we go for our family meeting this week.

CMV, I thought of baby shampoo being bubble bath but they dont put up enough suds for her to play in LOL! The more bubbles, the better it gets LOL!

FarminChick, I will have to teach that to my DD to roll, snap and scream method. If I can get some picture tutorial how that works, all for the better! I am having trouble understanding when the predator grabbed their wrist and then what? That is the part I am having trouble grasping at.

 

[arabookworm]

the thing about braking a predator's grip is something we learn in karate class too. basically, the weakest point of someone's grip is the point where their thumb meets their fingers, because there is a gap there. so you turn your wrist so that your thumb is pointed in that direction (usually down) and pull down. you can usually break their grip that way. or knee them in the groin. that would also make most people let go.