So.... Do you think someone that does this has problems ?????

[lockedhearts]

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I think the last sentence hit the proverbial nail on the head ........ And no, I never did get to see that movie , probably glad now I didn't

 

[debilorrah]

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I think the last sentence hit the proverbial nail on the head ........ And no, I never did get to see that movie , probably glad now I didn't

I don't think she is psycho. I think she is needy, thrives on drama and maybe needs a lesson from this new friend on how to NOT be clingy. Of course we both know how that will go....

 

[lockedhearts]

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I think the last sentence hit the proverbial nail on the head ........ And no, I never did get to see that movie , probably glad now I didn't

I don't think she is psycho. I think she is needy, thrives on drama and maybe needs a lesson from this new friend on how to NOT be clingy. Of course we both know how that will go....

I don't think she is Pshyco either, definitely needy and OMG the drama!!!!!

 

[zzGypsy]

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well, here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
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not diagnosing anyone here, just answering what might cause this behavior.

 

[babyrnlc]

I know my best friend and I have similar personalities and so it would make sense that we would have similar likes and that being exposed to new things could open us up to new hobbies.

EX. She is into cake decorating. I helped her make a few cakes. Now it is fun and helps me save money, so I also like cake decorating.

I am training to be a midwife. She has always been facinated with birth, but now there is a connection and she will trian to be my assistant.

I love that she likes what I like and I like what she likes, it makes doing things together easier.

What I love is that she is friends with me to help me. I am friends with her to help her. It is not to get something out of it. It is for the other person!

 

[lockedhearts]

Thank you ZZGypsy!

This struck me in that link:

Their feelings about others often shift from positive to negative, generally after a disappointment or perceived threat of losing someone. Self-image can also change rapidly from extremely positive to extremely negative. Impulsive behaviors are common, including alcohol or drug abuse, unsafe sex, gambling and recklessness in general.

Especially the part in bold, the incedent where we ended up with the 2 extra horses really put a strain on us, I told this person it was causing issues in my marriage, shortly after that his person stopped calling, texting etc and began hanging more with the mutual friend.

The last part too, I know for a fact this person was likely having an inappropriate relationship with someone else.



@ babyrnlc : My BFF of other 30 years , we have similar personalities, enjoy showing horses together, but also crafting and some other things. But we also have interests seperate from the other. Her hubby races cars, while I have been to a few races, it is really not my thing. I enjoy going to the beach , she does not. I think you have to have some similar interests to be friends, but then you need things that are yours as well.

 

[Animalian]

I had a friend like this, knew her from 13yrs till 17, I believe she wanted to out do me too though.

I started netball, she started netball and would brag about being a higher grade then me
I wanted my own dog, she got her own dog
I bought a budgie, so she decides to start breeding them.
I got a boyfriend, she get's with about 5 guys in a month (but I'm not like that anyway, I'm 23 and engaged to that 1st boyfriend now!)
I would not have put it past her to try and steal him...
We had a fight once, she bad mouthed me to everyone, the people she 'adopted' as new friends begged me to make up with her because they were sick of her trying to compete with them!

The biggest thing was that I always wished that I had kept up my horse riding from when I was little, suddenly she's getting a horse and telling me she's been having lessons since she was 13 (when she met me, go figure!!) I knew nothing about this!

I finally 'got rid' of her when her family moved an hour away, I just kinda.... ingnored her, disappeared, the friendship eventually died. I feel terrible for doing it but she would always put me down and try and out do me. She also used to punch my other friend for fun. I'm glad that chapter of my life is over, and I am a happier, more confident person now. I just wish it could have ended better.

I believe she was so uncertain of herself, and so keen to 'fit in' that she would do anything. Trying to be like the ones she wanted to be friends with. Her mother always used to push/encourage her to be popular. I looked at her facebook the other day and it saddens me how she is now. Slutty, boozy, moody, swearing, jobless.... I wonder if I could have done anything to have helped when she was younger... She was beautiful inside and out when I VERY first met her.

Even thought she made me feel bad and I'm glad she's out of my life, she still has a special place in my heart as the 'childhood friend" so I still pray for her every day.

 

[zzGypsy]

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I've known some folks who are "borderline", it makes for difficult relationships. their unstable self image, neediness, manipulation, high drama behavior and extreme binary (hot/cold) moods make theym generally exhausting. in a way it can be kind of flattering at first, that they want to be so much like you, but it quickly becomes cloying and the alternate mood is often destructive. so much drama!

personally, I do much better without drama.

if you're interested in understanding this better, read up on borderline personality. don't know if it's still in print, but there's an early book on it that I found illuminating called "I hate you, don't leave me".

most important thing to know is that if this is who she is, you can't fix it, you likely can't even moderate it much. Borderline is not a mental illness, but a personality disorder, and like other personality disorders, its a tough one for even professionals to treat.

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probably not. these issues are much deeper rooted than a 13 year old can do anything with. you were her friend, not her therapist. even professionals struggle with helping people to solve these issues. had her family seen the problem then, and gotten her help, things might have gone differently for her. help is available for her to change her life, but it's a hard road, one most folks won't take, and especially if they don't think there's a problem.

 

[chickened]

Sometimes people are just ignorant to the proper way to act in a friendship or just have never been shown what is proper behavior. In high school my girlfriend had to show a girl how to eat with out her head on the rdge of her bowl slopping her food in and some other hillbilly customs that were not proper for a young woman. It may be just that she is unknowing, talk to her.

 

[m.kitchengirl]

I have dealt with this for the last 9 years.
My step-sister, who I have known since I was 2 & she was born (long story) and I reconnected after my son was born and my mother & her father became a couple.
It began simply as us having shared interests, as I do with my friends, and really enjoying our time together.
It escalated to her mimicking my behaviors, attitudes, clothes, everything down to what soap I used. My ex-husband called her my girlfriend, and accused her of having a romantic obsession with me. I think that is not the correct diagnosis, but speaks to the extremity of the situation.
She wanted to spend all our time together, and would become hostile if I did things with other people, even if I invited her & she just couldn't come.
I tried on numerous occasions to have a healthy dialogue about boundaries with her to save the friendship. I gave her a lot of passes because she was "going through hard times" or "had a few too many beers", whatever excuse I could find.
My concerns were met with rage, verbal abuse, crying and threats of physical violence that have on a few occasions become more than threats. The next day, she acts as if nothing has happened. If I try to talk about it she gets very rude and says I "shouldn't go there if I know what was good" for me. Eventually I just began to put distance between us. This only served to anger her more, and she would lash out at me unprovoked in many situations, both publicly, privately, and via text and email. Only to contact me days later, as if all was well, wanting to get together and do things we have always done as friends.
Because we are related now and also have many of the same friends (we grew up together after all) it has been impossible for me to separate myself from her completely. I try now to avoid being alone with her, to avoid saying anything that can set her off. Basically, I walk on eggshells. While we can still have decent times which make me miss my good friend, it often becomes very bizarre, there is often the yelling and she has gotten physical on occasion. I go to group events with a lot of anxiety. She blames me for the corrosion of our friendship & to a point is correct to do so. I do avoid her as best I can.
She has run her mouth about how awful I am to many people. Anyone who believes her opinions of me does not know me & I can't be bothered by it. They all learn eventually and come to apologize and warn me about stuff she is saying. I do not engage them, I don't need to know. She is a sad case, and that is all there is to it. I can't tell others how she is because it is something one must see to believe and I am not going to add to her troubles by announcing her issues to our mutual friends.
People who have normal friends and healthy friendships can't understand how destructive these kinds of people can be. Even I didn't get it and let things drag on for a lot longer than I should because, on the surface of it, of course your friends should share your interests and be able to participate in your life, right? She has shown me a lot about boundaries and my tendency to placate people and avoid conflict. I tend to be "nice" to people, which is not always the same as being good to them. It is something she has helped me recognize and work on, and my relationships are healthier for it. Unfortunately, until she gets help, we will never have a healthy relationship. She is, at this time, incapable of doing so.
I am honestly unsure there is help to be had, and looking back through our lives see she was always this way, except now she is better at it.
Good luck to you. You have to keep telling yourself that you did the right thing by ending the friendship and not get sucked into feeling like you abandoned her.