So furious with my husband, I swear he sleeps on the couch tonight

[Dunkopf]

Well you have to give us the rest of the story. What's his side, besides it doesn't agree with yours. He's probably saying the same thing about you to his friends. Remember that he can't read your mind either. I've never met a man that can read a womans mind.

 

[HeatherLynn]

His side of the story is just that I over react to everything. He is really saying the same dang stuff as I am but is insistent that when I say it I am going off the deep edge. I don't know anymore, maybe I am. Anywho we had our blowout and we are going to go see a therapist I think. I prefer to take things head on. It seems like head on is whats needed when I no longer feel heard and this keeps happening. He is a bit upset with me but we will go and work on that whole communication thing a bit. 12 years ago we were great at it. Somewhere along the way communication took backseat to surviving our kids and man does it show when we disagree.

He is still in the dog house with me and he might even still end up on the couch but after I ranted to get the edge of my anger i was able to yell a bit more rationally. At the very least he knows I am upset. You say guys cannot read minds but I wasn't trying to make him. I told him very clearly I was ticked. I will be more clear in the future.

 

[onthespot]

Go to youtube, search The Man Song, choose the one sung by Rodney Carrington. Shoot him a link to that.

 

[PortugalBreeder]

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Lol, I partially agree with that, but just saying no is bad, you have to think if the current situation is as bad for your husband as the future will be for you, and if not make him see that! But anyway, going to a city is always bad!

 

[justbugged]

I wonder if he has any clue as to how much it costs to put to kids in daycare? I would think that you both need to sit down at some point and really figure out how much it will cost to move into the city. (Where the cost of living will be higher.) You will need to figure out the cost of clothing and parking, and not to mention all the bits that come with a mother working. he sounds scared that he will loose his job and not be able to get another one. Still there is always hidden costs to consider.
It concerns me that he dismisses your feelings by calling them crazy and or out of control. That yo me shows a lack of respect for you as a person, much less a partner in life.

 

[SarahFair]

Its good that you are going to see a professional 3rd party. They can bring stuff out in you you A) Thought you could never tell anyone B) Stuff you didnt know you had in you C) Things you didnt know you could be so honest about!

My family went when I was about 16 and it really helped us communicate.

 

[thechickenchick]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Most of the time when some one (anyone) insists on telling the other person what "they" think it is because they are trying to convince themselves.

Did he tell you all of his whys? DH sometimes when he gets panicked over the state of things will go into "I gotta fix this right now" mode. It took quite a few bumps in the road for me to finally figure out that fighting with him about it just made him dig his heels in harder. I let him blow off steam and tell me about his plans for what we are going to do, and I say those are big changes let's sit on it for a day or two so we can think about it and we can go over them again. Usually by then he is a little calmer and we can actually discuss it.

These are very hard times for men. The rules are changing and their need to make sure they can take care of their family keeps them up at night. Heck it keeps us all up, but they react differently.




Our other rule is simple and effective and everyone gives me a hard time about it but it actually works. If the fight is big and we know we're both really gonna have to have it out one way or another we both have to get naked.

Yup. Not because of anything scandalous, it is just much harder to say hurtful things when you are both naked physically. It reminds you that you are both vulnerable emotionally. I say if you are married enough to have kids you are married enough to argue naked.



My husband is going to love your way of thinking!!

 

[Mahonri]

My kids were watching a sitcom last night.. (THAT I TURNED OFF!) that had the guy getting undressed so that his wife wouldn't get mad at him.

All I can say is, a therapist is a good option, that or a pastor or someone that you all trust. Do you kneel down and pray together?... just a question.

Sounds to me like there will have to be give and take on both sides... of course we haven't heard his side, but as you can see, there are lots of folks that are here for you.

When either side is 'ridgid' and won't move one way or the other, then problems escalate, and you don't want that either. It's obvious you both LOVE each other.

Without charity, we are nothing.

 

[Orchid]

This reminds me of a disagreement my husband and I had a few weeks ago, where we both ended up shouting "That's what I'm saying!" at the same time.

 

[dawg53]

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+1