So mad At My Dead Mom

[Sissy]

I am soooo sorry for the hurt . but reach out to your new found family
that love you. your moms problems are past. and they were hers! Dont carry them with you.
enjoy your life. its too short. We all
may be related in one way or another.
let it ago, I hope you feel better
or mom will still be controlling you.

God Bless.

 

[The Chicken People]

I too missed out on really knowing my grandma and grandpa! If they are really even my grandparents? I am not sure...and the family that could have been close to me...all because of choices my mom made in life...and now the family I have is mainly my husband and children because I am not close to my four siblings...Lifes short just remember to tell everyone how you feel before its too late!
Edited to add that the person above me gave great advice!

 

[deb1]

You are all so sweet. No wonder I like to frequent this board.

During my better moments, I remember that my mother was a higly flawed, hurting person who was simply mentally unbalanced.

Thank you all for your replies

 

[BarkerChickens]

Oh my gosh! That sounds just like my mom's mother. It almost seems like get a high off of starting stuff!

I refuse to talk to her now. She has nothing nice to say anyway.

I am SO sorry that you weren't able to have the relationship with your grandparents that you shuld have had all along. But, at least you do know now, so therefore, you can have a relationship with your dad's brother and the remaining extended family.

You can't change the past, but you can make up for some of the lost time in the future.

 

[happytxchick]

Deb - your mom sounds a like lot my mom. Many of the personality aspects you mention are the very same..the manipulation and confusion. My mom is very paranoid/suspicious. She doesn't do drugs, but...

Anyway, I have gone to counseling and it really helps. I encourage you to do the same and vent like you mentioned.

Sometimes, the "crazy" people never get help, but the ones around them HAVE to.

Many blessings -- please know that you are not alone.

 

[Crystalchic]

Sometimes, the "crazy" people never get help, but the ones around them HAVE to.

Yep!!

 

[gritsar]

You learn to forgive. What my mother put me thru is too long to list. I will tell you that she always took me along when she would go to a motel to attempt suicide, if that gives you any idea.
I know that none of it was really her fault. She couldn't help having a mental illness and back then mental health care was still in the dark ages.
I forgave so that I could have a happy life. The past is not important anymore.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
I am so sorry that you went through that. My mom did something similar. In her own way, I know that my mom loved me. She was just a very confused person. Letting go of anger is really all that you can do, isn't it?

It took me a long time to realize that forgiveness doesn't mean that you have forgotten or that you even allow the person inside your home, it does mean that you don't dwell on the past or hold onto all that anger and hatred.

 

[farmin'chick]

Sometimes when we have had to help kids deal with feelings about dead or otherwise uncontactable parents, where the feelings were making daily life hard, we would have them write out all their feelings in a direct letter to that person. Then we would take it and have a ceremony where we burned the letter as a way of sending it to them. Once they were able to say what they needed to say to that person, it was easier to walk beyond the hurt and leave it behind. Sometimes something simple like that can help more than you would imagine -- and what could it hurt to try it?