Social skills help? A forum is a good place to ask, right? I think?

[newgoosegirl]

So anyways, I have none.

I think it has to do with being introverted to start with, and at least somewhat shy. Oh, and I'm homeschooled and I'm not actually forced to interact with people I don't know.
I'm pretty good talking with immediate family, ok with other relatives, and awkwardly responsive at the stables I ride at and karate class. But other than those things, other classes for example or anything else where someone could potentially walk up and say something to me are null.

It's really just in the aforementioned instances where someone says something to me that I would like to improve.
Someone walks up and says, "Hi -name-, blahblahblah", and my brain goes, 'Did they just say something to me? ME? What am I supposed to do? Really? They said something to me? Why me? What was it you have to do in times like this? "hi"? Is that right? I better say that. Wait- now they're walking away. Does this mean I win? *WHEW*"

And then my mom berates me a week later for not being polite to so-and-so.

Anyway, does anyone have any tips? Or like exercises, or something.
I would kinda like to get past the point where having a casual conversation in which I probably didn't hurt the other person or come off really bad myself with someone I've seen at least intermittently the last few years is a huge triumph.
But I would also kinda like to have naturally bright purple hair.

 

[OnlyinGlenloch]

Practice, Practice is the only way. I am an introvert as well and it is easy for me to keep myself out of the limelight and not speak and keep it short if anyone speaks to me. Knowing that it is important for the work place you just have to reach out of your little bubble and take the risk the more you do the easier it gets. I just know I will never be as comfortable as some people who love to talk and be social. But then again I will never be the one you hear someone say she will talk your ear off. When you go to church or anywhere in public make sure you speak to someone just for the challenge you will soon feel more comfortable.
My children are home schooled as well, one you can't shut up and will speak to anyone. One is quiet but not to shy. 4H and church and going to a home school group helps the social end of not being out there every day with the public school.
You can do it!! Find things you like to talk about or ask questions about things the person you are talking to likes or does. Chickens are great to talk about!!!

 

[RoeDylanda]

I had terrible vision as a kid, and often had no clue who was in front of me until/unless they spoke. So even after I got some glasses I had some major missing social graces as well.

The good news is, this is completely fixable. The bad news is, you may feel like a complete doofus, or worse yet, a phony, while you are working on it.

What finally worked for me was forcing myself to smile and say "Hi" to every single person who met my eye in the school hallway (I was in high school when I decided this had to stop). This was very nearly torture. I felt like a stewardess, I felt like a fraud, I wanted to crawl out the top of my own head and run away... but it worked. Amazingly, people said "hi" back to me. They smiled. Some of them made small talk! I learned to ask questions and listen to the answers-- most people like to talk. I started thinking, in advance, about what was interesting about the different people I saw so I could ask about it if I was ever stuck for something to say. You may be thinking, this lady sounds like the biggest dork in the universe.

You would not be far wrong! But now I am a dork who is very, very comfortable in weird new social situations. I pay attention to people, because they're interesting, and that gives me something to talk about with virtually anyone.

Start small, make yourself say hello. Every now and then a conversation will get awkward, and some will really crash and burn. But you'll learn something every time. And I promise you that soon you will find someone more awkward than you feel and reaching out and being kind to this person will help you even more. You can do it!

 

[Chickenfur]

I'm shy, too, and I think the best way to talk to people is push yourself into it. I say to myself, "I don't care what they think of me, I don't care what they think of me." and it helps a lot. As long as you listen well and say that to yourself you should be fine.

 

[PepsNick]

I'm not shy- I'm a little too outgoing, actually. Haha.

You just have to not care what others think. They're just another person, living as normal as you are and the way you are is the least of their priorities. Speak up, and kill em' with kindness- they'll return the favor. Slowly start joining into conversations- you can start by maybe practicing talking regularly to a pet? Or a BYC member! Sounds like you aren't very shy on the forum.

I think that you should talk to your parents about this. They would be a good help.

As someone who isn't shy, I will always try to be engaged with someone who is.

Look for some really nice people.

 

[suzettex5]

Wow, you have gotten some really great advice here! Looks like this IS a good place to ask!

You are SOOOO not alone in how you are feeling. Its really very common, especially when we are young. I really like the idea of noticing something about someone and asking them about it, like a neat ring or maybe compliment a nice shirt or their shoes, etc.
Sometimes its good to go to functions where you have things in common with other people, like knitting or reading, or even a poultry show- that way youre not at a loss for topics to talk about.
And yes, people do like to talk about themselves, it is a wonderful thing to ask people about themselves and just listen and maybe ask questions to further the conversation (even if you feel dorky, or even if you might already know the answer) people love to share knowlege as well, just let them. Just remember, dont share anything you may hear in confidence, with someone else, dont share others secrets in order to be liked or important- thats the fastest way to lose friends.


What kind of geese do you like? I love those ones with the curly feathers! I dont have any, but would like some one day. How many do you have?

 

[Qi Chicken]

Go to a place, like a shop and make yourself ask a question and engage in some kind of small talk. Practice! Can you do it once a day? Or go to a mall and wander around smiling at people and saying hi for a good hour once a week. You'll get the hang of it. A compliment NEVER goes wrong. Hey, I love your purple hair!

 

[debilorrah]

I was a fat, curly headed, zit faced teenager. Talk about shy. One day I woke up and realized that if it wasn't ME that did something, nothing was ever going to change.

I made it a point to start smiling at people. Scared the crap outta me too!!!!! I though to myself "OMG what if someone says something to me???" Well, no one did for a long time, but they did smile back. That is nice, to offer a smile and get one too. Eventually, I smiled at a child, and she tugged at her mom and pointed at me and said "look at her hair! It has roller coasters in it". I think I laughed so hard I about peed myself.

No I still don't adore my curls, but I accept them. Over time I have become such an extrovert I bet people wished I would just shut up.

Take a step, a small step. Don't worry about what others think about you unless they are people that it would crush you if they died. No one else's opinion really matters. You are you, reach out, take a chance. Live large, love large.

 

[Mattemma]

I was not homeschooled and have dealt with similar issues.People from all walks of life deal with this.Your homeschooling just takes away that forced daily interaction in a school setting.From what I have heard from others(my dd included at times) kids can be plenty quiet in the school setting too!

Sometimes all it takes is one little comment to open the flood gates with someone. I find myself often saying something about my chickens,and that will start people talking.Lol, sometimes when a person will ask the usual," Hi how are you?" I REALLY tell them how I am instead of the usual response of," Fine thank you. How are you?" People will ask that question and not even really expect a response other than fine thanks.

So I would just make comments here and there,and sometimes it will lead to a short conversation. If it doesn't that is ok too.Just move on to the next person. You would be suprised but many people feel the same way interacting with others.

I also got to know my neighbors by taking them some garden produce or eggs.We chitchat now and sometimes that has led to more connections with people they know.It took me a year or 2 before I went from waving to talking to the neighbors!

Imo,berating someone never helps them do better.

 

[newgoosegirl]

Thanks, this is real helpful stuff!

So, I'll try practicing talking to people. Tomorrow is the church dinner where I watch my little sister, so that should be a good place to start. And of course I suppose I can also make conversation with my goose.
("Hey, how was your day? You chased the ducks away from your pool, huh? Stared at the chickens a while? And laid an egg? Really! And when you came back it wasn't there anymore, and you don't know where it went? Uhhhh...

Hey, how would you like to go for a walk now?")

Oh, and I'm not saying anything about that thing where people assume homeschoolers get no socialization; my brother has a bunch of friends, as most other homeschoolers I see around. I'm just saying it's probably easier to not be around people if you're not inclined to do that when you don't spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week jammed together with people exactly your own age.

What kind of geese do you like? I love those ones with the curly feathers! I dont have any, but would like some one day. How many do you have?

I have a little female pilgrim goose, strictly as a pet. Lol I like the ones with the curly feathers too, aren't they fluffy looking?
My goose is a great pet, only cons I can think of is the diapering is more difficult and constant to deal with than a house-trained dog would be, and dogs/cats don't draw so much attention.

Actually, that might be a good thing to do...Take my goose for a walk in the park or something where there's people.

Again, thanks BYC!​