Sometimes things get too much - I want to resign!

But then I can't because I am a mother and unfortunately there is no end date for this contract.

Well - today was good to start off in that I did get 2 hours continuous unbroken sleep! So feeling refreshed - NOT I got up and sorted for the day.
DH was up in the night several times - with our bundle of joy, Changing his nappy and settling him back to his bed. Thinking we had a few free hours this morning DH and I went for coffee. We were so tired though we just stayed for a cuppa and then came home and tried to catch up on some sleep. I did manage another hour just about before the phone went.
DH is exhausted and strained and sore and says he feels like a Zombie. He is grumpy because he is in constant pain and so we are not exactly going to have a fun filled rest of the day. So I left Dh to rest and went to sort the hens and clean the kitchen.

Then it happened. - He came home. Our little darling fresh from the bus. - All smart and handsome looking and instinctively I gave him a big hug and for a change I didn;t get the wiff of rank nappy! Usually the place ends up smelling like an old folks home and I wonder why we don;t get visitors??? Dur!!!
I popped him into his chair and finished cleaning the work top. Good Waiting I said and he looked at the door frame? Then I got him his favorite Juice and filled a plastic beaker. I set it in front of him and tapped the top. He grabbed for it and found it. I thought to myself maybe I have some sweets or a banana in the cupboard I can get him while he watches me finish the kitchen. So I turned to get him something nice. ( He just looked so lovely.) Then I noticed he had spilled his juice so I grabbed a cloth and stroked his head and whipped the mess. As I bent to do that I kissed his forehead.

- Then he attacked out of nowhere with no warning it came the nails launched at my flesh. The tender bit at the inside of the wrist. He knows exactly which bit to get. He would not let go and the nails sank deeper. I yelped but still he would not let go so I hit the back of his hand and he had that crazy look in his eyes like a wild animal. I managed to get him off me. I took the juice and threw it into the sink. - Mad and angry and feeling sorry for myself I pulled him off the chair and pushed him out the door and up into his room. I was so cross I yelled at him now you can stay there and think about how you hurt me. With my arm dripping blood I was not a happy lady. I put his music on and shut the door. Went into our room and promptly burst into tears in front of DH. And so we have to handle yet another scene.

Danny is not a baby - Danny is 24yrs old. He has cerebral palsy, severe brain damage, He has severe learning disabilities, Epileptic, partially sighted and has behaviour issues as well as autistic tendencies.

Later I went to him and told him he was a bad boy. The lip dropped and I said ARE YOU SORRY !!! - little voice yes . So I give him a hug and love on him all over again - and wait for the next attack.

So here am I telling you guys. - Thinking he is 24yrs old - will we make it to 30yrs keeping him at home??? Our little darling???

Oesdog

 

Thanks - the reason we can't get care is because of his aggression. We try to hide it and even our social worker tries to because we often get turned down for care because of that. A lot of the care centres are closing and many folk go without. Last time we got "out of home" overnight care was 1997.
We have two disabled kids - they are twins and we still can;t get care for months. If we mentioned this aggression they might not take him so we don;t !!!!

Oesdog