Sometimes we're born into the wrong family **long**

[Barrdwing]

Quote:
Sorry, whiteflare--didn't mean to discount what you said. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone else's.

I was posting late at night and my memory was a little fuzzy.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I also hope if there are kids out there who are still living this they might find this thread and know.... You aren't the only ones, there is help, there are people who care and you too can grow up to have a normal life.... really.

I remember my first al-anon meeting I was Sooooooo angry!

I was a teenager and the group was all wives and I was so angry at them for just not leaving!

I was a kid who really had few options and I was pretty nasty to them. Luckily I found a teen group at college, but it was a while before I got a real ACOA group that worked for me.

I often wondered if that very first group got a real peek at what thier kids were feeling!!

 

[3goodeggs]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

I also hope if there are kids out there who are still living this they might find this thread and know.... You aren't the only ones, there is help, there are people who care and you too can grow up to have a normal life.... really.

I remember my first al-anon meeting I was Sooooooo angry!

I was a teenager and the group was all wives and I was so angry at them for just not leaving!

I was a kid who really had few options and I was pretty nasty to them. Luckily I found a teen group at college, but it was a while before I got a real ACOA group that worked for me.

I often wondered if that very first group got a real peek at what thier kids were feeling!!

yes. this precisely. I feel for the children going through this. I realized as I aged I felt not just disappointed and betrayed by the spouse that just would not do anything about it, but I was angry at them for doing nothing. I felt we were there to absorb the ire so they would not have to. I realize now that they both suffer from different forms of mental illness. But it still does not make it right to inflict it upon children who have no options.
Then as an adult, I suppose I did the same thing. I endured it thinking that from my vantage point I could help them. Their ageing only made it all worse. Even their doctors recognized it for what it was, but they refused treatment. What can a kid do? Nothing. Wait it out and hope.
I just have had to take a zillion steps back, and as my aunt told me, "Stop getting in God's way."
but, even though they could not force themselves to think about us, I have a very difficult time forcing myself not to think about them. They are still human beings, and at one point they will have chased of the very last care giver... and it will just be me again.

I hope I will be dispassionate then. i hope i will have grown some seriously thick skin. ...and I hope my reflexes still work.

 

[nop169]

Received my copy of toxic parents yesterday & read the whole book last night. Highlighted portions of it & plan on giving it to my birth mother the next time I run into her. Maybe she will read it & finally understand why I cut all ties.
Susan presents the material in a very logical way and even though I had already cut all ties - this book helped me define the stages I actually had already been through. Very good book for anyone from dysfunctional/abusive homes. Thanks again LauraJean for bringing this book to our attention.

 

[ChickyChickyBaby]

to all of you

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
The other one I recommend for those of us raised by alcoholics is Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. Or nearly anything by Claudia Black......

The Woititz book was a real revelation to me when Iw as in college - it described me to a T! And boy have I had to work to change some of those behaviors! Whew!

 

[3goodeggs]

I think I found my copy at the library's used book store. It was about worn thin when I bought it.
There is just a mess of us out there.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is not shameful to come from a family with alcoholism, it is just shameful to pretend everything is peachy when it isn't.

 

[sumi]

Big hug

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
This.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Let them be, and build your own family around you. Give yourself a life and purpose outside of your bio family.

You're married, and perhaps your husband's family is less stressful to deal with.

It's fine to send your bio family cards at holidays, and to wish them well, and to be kind and thoughtful to them.

It isn't fine to need them to be a certain way with you, because that will drive you crazy.