Son keeps threatening suicide

[joebryant]

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There's nothing that anyone can say to your son until he realizes that his "wife" is the type of person who would/did cross the line and isn't fit for him to have anything to do with ever again. There are many women worth his time and thoughts; she isn't one of them. He needs to accept that and move on with his future. Same goes for you. Don't let her be calling you with her pretenses of caring for him; she doesn't. Listen and act unconcerned about anything she has to say until you can get off the phone with her.

ETA He also needs to be talking to a lawyer about custody of his daughter. He should not willingly tolerate his daughter's having to live with a mother who will in time have one "boyfriend" after another living with her. Too many children are growing up with mothers like that already.

 

[Ed62]

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I strongly disagree. He needs professional help, especially if he is vocalizing his feelings. I hope he gets the help needed. There are times people just can't do it themselves, and it sounds like he is asking for help fighting this.

Ed

 

[calicokat]

I see what Cindyloohoo is saying, but depression is a disease and needs medical intervention, especially if he is already voicing suicidal thoughts.

FWIW - I'm on one of the newer medications and my Dr. provides me with free samples - has been doing so for over 2 years because he knows we're on a tight budget and pretty frugal and that we appreciate the help. So get him to a Dr. there is lots of help available.

Don't dilly dally, this will not get better on its own, trust me, I know

 

[joebryant]

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he needs a girlfriend. Don't you or someone you know know someone to fix him up with?

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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Being distracted in temporary, and does not solve the problem, which will continue to fester and grow. Getting him a dog is merely a distraction. He does not need additional responsibilities that deflect from the root cause of his problems. Just because you did not SEE his depression before he met his ex-wife does not mean that they were not there. How often do you read news stories about a suicide (especially teenage suicides) where family is quoted "if only we'd known" or "we did not see any signs"? His depression could be a part of the cause for the marriage breakup. You obvious dislike for his ex could also be a factor.

Yes, he should probably make his own call to a doctor, but since he has asked you to do so, DO it. I believe that a clinical diagnosis of depression would protect his job under the Americans With Disabilities Act, although for certain jobs he might be reassigned from a high risk area to one where his acts are less likely to impact others.

 

[arabianequine]

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He does probably need some company. I would do casual dating and not to involve his child being around all the girls he dates or hangs out with till sure there is gonna be a more serious relationship it is very confusing to the little ones.....no different then his ex going through guy after guy it works both ways just saying. Take is slow but get his mind off things. Does he have any friends to go do stuff with/hang out with. Does he like to hunt, car races, sports?

 

[bigshoes213]

Depression does not go away EVER. It will always be there. At times it will not be as noticeable especially when he/she has distractions but it is there. I have dealt with depression for all of my life and it never goes away. He needs medical attention now not later no matter what he says. Depression left untreated does more and more damage not only to him but to his family too. His daughter will eventually realize what is going on and she will probably have similar depression issues later in life and will need help too. Depression usually runs in the family. You mentioned that your brother committed suicide and I think that it is a sign that it does run in your family and that your son might be serious about it also. From personal experience it is easy to dismiss his problems (including him) when he is feeling okay but when the drepression hits everything seems to be 100x worse. When you feel that down there is nothing that can help and you cant just get better because that is what you should do. It is a psychological/chemical imbalance that requires medical attention even if it is just a family doctor. Good luck! I wish you and your family only the best.

 

[deerman]

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Yes only love can mend a broken heart. get him dating.

 

[Ed62]

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Absolutely! And I can almost guarantee that dismissing him from work because of problems like he has is strictly against the law. I'm sure you can find information on the Americans With Disabilities Act through a search.

Ed

 

[farmerlor]

Ummmmm, I'm going to disagree with the "he needs a girlfriend" advise. He needs to get his stuff together and start feeling good before he can go out and start some kind of relationship. He's not the person that he's going to be in six months or a year when he gets this depression under control and it's not fair your son or a potential mate to start something under false pretenses. It's another temporary distraction that he doesn't need right now. His life should be about finding his OWN happiness completely independent of someone else, his work and his family (i.e. you and his child) period, the end. I promise you that if he finds someone now he'll base his self-worth and happiness on that person instead of working on his problems.
I hope he gets the help he needs and starts feeling better but please know that it takes time.