Stay At Home Mom Blues...

[SarahFair]

I know I should be thankful that I get to stay at home and raise my kids but I am just in this awful rut. I use to be the model stay at home mom. One that always had a spotless house made cookies for the kids loved to garden but now I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life.

Im feeling sorry for myself, I know, but I just cant stop..
I dont really know how to fix it.

I just want to

and

some more and I dont even know why.
I dont have a hard life at all. Throw some laundry in the wash, fold it, dishes, vacuum this room vacuum that room, feed people, scrub a toilet..

Frankly Ive gotten myself into such a pitty party I hardly do any of that anymore except feed the family. Use to when it came to dinner time I cooked things from scratch.. Now its frozen dinners that I try putting off on my SO..

I use to do a lot of exercising and keep rather fit but now I just dont even care to do it (though I do care at the same time..). Im gaining weight slowly but surely... I just cant seem to find the time during my daily PP to exercise anymore.


I feel just awful when my SO has to come home to a dirty house. I use to vacuum 3x a week a sweep and mop the floors several times. I use to be on top of dishes and now they pile up so high sometimes Im afraid to even walk into the kitchen because it makes me feel like Im a failure.

My relationship with my kids are going down hill. I just seem to be putting them in time outs more and more. I dont want my bad attitude about life to rub off on them.


I find myself yelling just to yell because it makes me feel better during the time Im screaming but just stresses me out more in the end.
Im afraid I have gone down such a dark path Ill never find my way back. I dont know where to start.
At times Im on my hands and knees crying and begging the Lord to help me through these times..

I dont know what to do.

 

[agnes_day]

i get like that too..my husband works 6 days a week now and i am stuck at home all day every day with the kids..
i would maybe start playing some video games, get yourself a big box of candy just for you and just do things that you like!

when i dont feel like doing anything..i dont! or ill say "i will do what i want until 2, and then i will get my chores done" or something like that.

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:
No. I dont like video games. I just feel like Im becoming my mother (God rest her soul). She use to sit around and play our video games all day. She started drinking out of bordom and it turned into a nasty habbit that killed her. I dont want that happening to me. I dont want to be a slob mom. I dont want my boys to harbor the feelings it took me forever to get over with my mother..

I dont want to live that life!
I dont want to live like this anymore!
I want to go back to the way I was

 

[debilorrah]

How old are you?

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:
21

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
21

Ok scratch the menopause theory!!!! Could you actually just be bored? Maybe get out more, spend more time with friends, find a SAHM support group. I know you are NOT alone in feeling like this. Those feelings are what made me go back to work!

 

[teach1rusl]

Well something's not right. That doesn't sound like a simple funk (which we all get into from time to time). Sounds like depression to me (whether mild or more I don't know).
I quit working this past summer. It was nice for a while, but I've noticed that lately, NOTHING seems to get accomplished. I think I need to work, even if it's part time. I don't do well just...drifting. I need to feel like I've accomplished something.
You sounded proud when you mentioned how things USED to be done...dinner from scratch, clean house, etc. You were accomplishing things. Have you considered going back to work? Have you considered volunteering? Have you considered talking to a counselor or your medical doctor?
I hope this is a phase...but if things don't feel better soon, I would at least talk with your doctor...

 

[EweSheep]

Lack of daylight hours????????

 

[Beekissed]

Sounds like depression. I'd say get out and do something for someone else or do something for yourself. Take up a hobby, preferably one that earns your own money. Join an exercise group, take up dance class, take some classes at the local college....something that makes you feel fulfilled and young again!

We all get in ruts, even us working moms, and let our house go. Then it gets overwhelming and it makes you feel even worse!

I hope you find something to get the life back in your step....keep us posted!

One thing on your side....you have the luxury of time! Get yourself on a routine with your housework so you can allot time for better things, just for you!

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:
I havent worked since I was 16. I want to work but budgets tight and putting my kids in daycare and afterschool care wouldnt even balance out with the type of job I can get. Plus with a GED and jobs so scarce whos hiring? A family member of my SO says walmart has cut her hours back to 14 hours a week!

I dont have insurance so there is no Dr for me to go to. We are already dealing with one of my sons ER bills..
I think I am dealing with depression but dont want to have to take a daily pill to 'fix' me. I want something that works naturally.