Wow that's terrible, I'm so sorry... Don't blame yourself, I know it's hard because I too have a tendency to blame myself.
When I lose birds people tell me things they think is comforting but it's not... They'll say oh you can always get another bird, but they just don't get that another bird won't ever replace the bird that died. I will say that even though a new bird will never replace an old bird, the new bird can help ease the pain if that makes sense, and I know it's hard to love again due to the fear of being attached with the possibility of losing another bird, but take comfort in knowing that even the new birds need loved, and if something bad happens know that they were loved and that they were happy.
Open your heart and let healing come, there's a time to mourn, there's a time and season for everything, but it can't rain all the time, the sun will shine and when it does you'll breathe again. Don't let fear control you, walk boldly in the face of that fear, love again welcome that love with open arms, yes you may lose another bird but it would be much better for the bird to die knowing it had been loved and wanted, not only does the bird need loved, but you need to be loved too. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself time to heal, so never feel ashamed if you have to take a break from raising birds, everyone heals differently, but I always recommend keeping the heart open. I know this sounds goofy, but think about Jane Seymours lovely open heart necklace, that's how our hearts should be. I'll be praying for you. I'm here if you need to talk further - hugs.
