Stolen heat lamp! Chilly chicks?

[annrich]

Quote:
My bill went up about $5.00 that is 3 heat lights and an incubator.
The lamp and bulb cost me more than the bill is.

At least get a heating pad in there for them until you sort this out. (Hide the electric cord)

for you and your baby chickies

 

[purr]

can i help? i can send some money for the electric bill too .and i'm glad he is not physically abusive, but make no mistake he is a control freak and don't forget you posses the one thing he wants and it would be darn cold in the bedroom till the chicks get there lighbulb back and dinner would be sandwhiches and gespacho since it would take gas and electric to make a hot meal and after all he can survive without it so why should he get it.


sorry i'm ranting but i've been married 27 years and he wouldn't dare
take anything from me. if you can't tell your partner how you feel your not partners.
Tell him " i have a father and it's not you"

 

[ChickenWing]

30 days x 24 hours = 720 hours

250Watts x 720 hours = 180,000 Watthours or 180 KWH's

So look at your electric bill to find you cost per KWH, and multiply by 180.

To figure cost per KWH, take the TOTAL amount of the bill and divide by KWH's used.

For example on my bill it is .10 per KWH including taxes and distrubution charges. So it would cost $18 per month. 180 x .10 = $18.00

 

[JillsChicks]

You are so kind to offer $ help. It is not needed and would only make matters worse, I'm afraid.

It is hard to speak and write on this very public forum - it's out there in cyberspace for good. But those most in need of control have, I believe, been hurt by controllers in the past and need to have compassion as well as honesty extended to them. That's where I am in all this. Thanks for your caring words.

The temp in the brooder with a 100 watt bulb is now 70 degrees. Chicks all seem happy...

 

[crooked stripe]

very sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my fingers just can't type what I am thinking.

 

[PulletSurprise]

I'm sure her chicks are ok. I think we forget how sturdy farm animals are.

Have a great day everyone!!!

 

[pixiechic]

I'm sorry, I just think stealing the heat lamp from baby chicks is a crappy, passive-aggressive thing to do. I suspect he's not worried about the $5 electric bill increase, he's jealous of the attention you give your chicks.

I know you are trying to be compassionate with your controlling guy, but what makes you think he won't steal the 100-watt bulb too? Working this out with him directly might be easier than trying to find a new light bulb every day.

 

[DuckLady]

I am sorry about your chicks. I hope they make it through.

I am sorrier for you. I, along with so many of us have been where you are. We know how tough it is and believe me, we also know that your inner strength will surface and you will make some changes. Compassion for the abuser (whether alcohol, drug, verbal, mental, physical or otherwise) is fine and dandy, but there comes a point in every abusees life when you say "enough" and start to have compassion for yourself. You will realize that the compassion will turn to enabling and he will never change. Some day you will break away and when you do, your BYC friends will be here to lean on.

 

[ginbart]

Maybe if you explain that you could sell some eggs later down the road to make up for the light bill that would help.

 

[brookwoodpat]

I'm very sorry for you, and I know you are trying to do the best you can with this situation and this guy. I had a father who did the same sort of things, and it's not a good way to live, for you or your children, if you have or plan to have any.

You may think stealing the heat lamp is a small thing, and it is, looking at it that way. But basically he stole more than the heat lamp, he is stealing your ability to control your environment. He stole your ability to live with eachother in a open, honest and respectful and non damaging way. He will eventually do the same things to you and your children. And he probably has already. And it will never stop. If you put your foot down, you will win that one battle. But because it is never about the heat lamp, or the items in the battles that matter to him, it's the soul destroying war his tactics inflict on you that does, and even if he steals the lamp and you are forced to buy a new one, he has won in his own mind.

After all, if he was really concerned about the expense, he'd have an adult conversation with you == preferably before you had the chickens, and you two would work out some compromise. That's the respectful adult and honest way of handling issues. What he did was not respectful, not adult and very damaging, if not to the chickens than at least to your marriage and your peace of mind.

If you are very strong, and confront him, and have enough power to take things back, he may just become sneakier about his control issues. If you have children, you want to mirror a relationship for them -- and you want to live in a relationship for youself -- that is about honesty and respect. Not a relationship that means you can't trust the one person -- who is supposed to be most supportive -- to actually keep your environment safe. If this sort of thing is a pattern -- even about small things -- it is hurting you and any children you have more than you may realize. What he did was terribly childish and selfish, worthy of a five year old. I agree with the poster who says it isn't about money, that he is just jealous of any attention your are giving to anything other than himself. But it is also passive aggressive in the worst way, and for an adult to do this shows a serious personality disorder. You realize that these very things that upset you, he enjoys because they do upset you., because it gives him back the power he craves. Whether you take the heat lamp back or not, he has won in robbing you of peace of mind, robbing you of the ability to set up a positive environment for something other than him that you care about. Won because he caused you distress -- punished you, in effect, for taking attention from himself. No five dollar electric bill is worth this. Believe me, he enjoyed doing it on some level. And remember, to any children you might have, what it teaches them is that they can't trust the one person who is supposed to keep them safe.

This guy really needs professional help. And to help you cope with him so long as you are living with him, so do you, because what he is doing to you is very undermining. So look around for options on help first for dealing with the emotional fall out of what he does, and second for resolving his problems one way or another. There may be free help centers, work health plans often have some counseling and major religions have free pastoral counseling programs (avoid those that will tell you to submit to your husband no matter how he is overcontrolling you in devious ways -- that you don't need).

And good luck.