Something I wrote... just wanted to share.
Stop wishing and start living
As I was redoing my profile on MySpace I thought, Lord, here we are approaching our 11th wedding anniversary and we have a rising fourth grader who will be nine soon. I really want to know where all the time went.
I remember the day it hit me that Brian was my soul mate (I still know that he is). I remember our wedding day; we were 21 years old. I remember finding out we were pregnant 15 months later (SURPRISE!!!) and then buying our first house three months before Sara was born. I remember countless softball games and cheering Brian on from the stands and traveling all over tarnation to get to those games/tournaments, stinky vans with smelly men and long trips with a baby. I remember all of Sara's firsts and now am amazed and wonder where she got her beautiful singing voice, her artistic ability, her gorgeous blonde hair and her spirited personality (I know where she gets her strong will from!)
I also remember wishing time away. Wishing it were Friday or payday, wishing it were Summer already, then wishing it were Fall because I was so sick of it being hot. Wishing Sara would walk, then wishing she would sit still. Wishing softball season was over, wishing Brian didn't work so much, wishing Sara would start school so daycare payments would end, wishing for bigger, better and more. Just wishing my life away. Now I wish for a lot of it back.
One of the days I will never forget is the day Brian was diagnosed with ALS. Now I wish softball were neverending and he could still play, five nights a week and weekends if he wanted. Wishing he could still work. I get angry with myself that I hollered for him and Sara to stop rough housing and being so loud; now I wish he could hang her upside down, spin her around, or have tickle fights on the couch and floor, no matter how rough they got.
I believe that God puts you in situations and lets you make choices. There is a reason I chose the job I did two and a half years ago (I work with his doctor that made the diagnosis and can call on him every day if I want). There is a reason we didn't have a second child. There is a reason why Brian stuck it out thru the rough times at the dealership, when it was sold a bazillion times, because he made true friends that will do ANYTHING for him today. There is a reason we bought this house, after skipping over it time and time again and thinking, nah, it's probably not right, but six months later God sent us neighbors we couldn't live without. But I still haven't figured out the "reason" Brian developed this horrible disease. Was it for me to realize my strength? My true friends? Test our marriage? Was it for me to learn how people feel about Brian and how a LOT of people think the world of him? Because all of those things have become apparent to us/me now.
I realized a few weeks ago while we were on vacation at the lake house that this will be the last summer Brian will enjoy just being with us, just going places, doing things we love, so I decided to take the rest of the summer off from work, pull Sara out of camp and just live. Whether it's here at home, at the beach or at the lake, doesn't matter. We're all together, doing whatever we want, and time is going a bit slower. For that, I can't be thanfkul enough.
Thanks for letting me share
Stop wishing and start living
As I was redoing my profile on MySpace I thought, Lord, here we are approaching our 11th wedding anniversary and we have a rising fourth grader who will be nine soon. I really want to know where all the time went.
I remember the day it hit me that Brian was my soul mate (I still know that he is). I remember our wedding day; we were 21 years old. I remember finding out we were pregnant 15 months later (SURPRISE!!!) and then buying our first house three months before Sara was born. I remember countless softball games and cheering Brian on from the stands and traveling all over tarnation to get to those games/tournaments, stinky vans with smelly men and long trips with a baby. I remember all of Sara's firsts and now am amazed and wonder where she got her beautiful singing voice, her artistic ability, her gorgeous blonde hair and her spirited personality (I know where she gets her strong will from!)
I also remember wishing time away. Wishing it were Friday or payday, wishing it were Summer already, then wishing it were Fall because I was so sick of it being hot. Wishing Sara would walk, then wishing she would sit still. Wishing softball season was over, wishing Brian didn't work so much, wishing Sara would start school so daycare payments would end, wishing for bigger, better and more. Just wishing my life away. Now I wish for a lot of it back.
One of the days I will never forget is the day Brian was diagnosed with ALS. Now I wish softball were neverending and he could still play, five nights a week and weekends if he wanted. Wishing he could still work. I get angry with myself that I hollered for him and Sara to stop rough housing and being so loud; now I wish he could hang her upside down, spin her around, or have tickle fights on the couch and floor, no matter how rough they got.
I believe that God puts you in situations and lets you make choices. There is a reason I chose the job I did two and a half years ago (I work with his doctor that made the diagnosis and can call on him every day if I want). There is a reason we didn't have a second child. There is a reason why Brian stuck it out thru the rough times at the dealership, when it was sold a bazillion times, because he made true friends that will do ANYTHING for him today. There is a reason we bought this house, after skipping over it time and time again and thinking, nah, it's probably not right, but six months later God sent us neighbors we couldn't live without. But I still haven't figured out the "reason" Brian developed this horrible disease. Was it for me to realize my strength? My true friends? Test our marriage? Was it for me to learn how people feel about Brian and how a LOT of people think the world of him? Because all of those things have become apparent to us/me now.
I realized a few weeks ago while we were on vacation at the lake house that this will be the last summer Brian will enjoy just being with us, just going places, doing things we love, so I decided to take the rest of the summer off from work, pull Sara out of camp and just live. Whether it's here at home, at the beach or at the lake, doesn't matter. We're all together, doing whatever we want, and time is going a bit slower. For that, I can't be thanfkul enough.
Thanks for letting me share
