Terrible Twos?

[SarahFair]

Quote:
See its the other way around here. No fits with mom or a time out but with grandma its OH OH OH heres a cookie! OH OH OH heres some gum!
We have told her NO! That does not work that is teaching them nothing! She comes back with Oh it quiets them down.. No reason to let them sit there and squall like that.
She watches them one day/night a week for us and it just seems that in this little time it makes my son think he can challege me. Im honestly debating on letting her see them anyomre..

When I walk away my son just follows and hits and kicks and screams so I have to put him in timeout..
Am and doing that "right"?

 

[sparkles2307]

Quote:
Altho its a HUGE pain to leave the store and come back later (gosh I HATE that) I have done it once or twice. They got the hint and didnt do it but twice that I recall. My mom did that with us too, it works. I would bring the cart to the register or customer service and explain that we have to leave right away and appologize for leaving them a full cart.
My 5 yo throws a better fit than my 4yo and he is REALLY strong so holding him on a time out stinks...i usually put a dab of soap on my finger and when he opens up to wail I swipe it on his tongue really quick. He quits.

 

[sparkles2307]

Quote:
See its the other way around here. No fits with mom or a time out but with grandma its OH OH OH heres a cookie! OH OH OH heres some gum!
We have told her NO! That does not work that is teaching them nothing! She comes back with Oh it quiets them down.. No reason to let them sit there and squall like that.
She watches them one day/night a week for us and it just seems that in this little time it makes my son think he can challege me. Im honestly debating on letting her see them anyomre..

When I walk away my son just follows and hits and kicks and screams so I have to put him in timeout..
Am and doing that "right"?

My mom spoils them too. I had to tell her, very nicely but firmly that I am the mom and I do not WANT them to have this or that at her house and they will follow these rules no matter where they are because those are universal rules etc. she was like "oh honey I am so sorry and if you ever see me doing wrong just tell me! Us grandmas forget what its like to be the mom!"

 

[Katy]

Quote:
See its the other way around here. No fits with mom or a time out but with grandma its OH OH OH heres a cookie! OH OH OH heres some gum!
We have told her NO! That does not work that is teaching them nothing! She comes back with Oh it quiets them down.. No reason to let them sit there and squall like that.
She watches them one day/night a week for us and it just seems that in this little time it makes my son think he can challege me. Im honestly debating on letting her see them anyomre..

When I walk away my son just follows and hits and kicks and screams so I have to put him in timeout..
Am and doing that "right"?

My mom spoils them too. I had to tell her, very nicely but firmly that I am the mom and I do not WANT them to have this or that at her house and they will follow these rules no matter where they are because those are universal rules etc. she was like "oh honey I am so sorry and if you ever see me doing wrong just tell me! Us grandmas forget what its like to be the mom!"

Since I babysit mine on a regular basis weekly I didn't think it was fair to either the parents or the kids if I did the "grandma thing" as far as spoiling them rotten and never saying no. They love coming to Grandma's house.....I'm not a total tyrant, but they also know there are rules that Grandma is going to stick to. I'm sure as time goes along and they get older there will be some more power struggles to deal with.

 

[sparkles2307]

I dont know about my mom sometimes. I can see her having alzheimers in the future. SHe lost all common sense when I gave her grandkids. Taught DS how to push the garage door opener at age 3 so then my stepdad had to reinstall it up high so the kids cant reach it. Then she taught DS (the same one) how to strike matches at age 4. She gives them each a whole can of pop when they come over...they just go to the fridge and get one if they want it. #1, no one opens the fridge without permission at our house and #2 we DONT keep pop in the house and the kids get limited amounts because its just bad for them plain and simple. I have had to get on her about just silly things like these (who teahces a 4 yo to strike matches?!) for the last 3 years now, and she sees my point when I bring it up but theres always the "Oh well I never even thought of that!" but I KNOW we had all these rules when we were kids so I dont know at what point during menopause her logic vacated the premises but its LONG gone.

 

[Sjisty]

The first time my stepdaughter pitched a fit to go with me to the store, she just threw herself down in front of the door and started screaming. I slid her over, stepped over her, and went out the door. When I got back, I told her that behavior was never acceptable and I would never take her anywhere if she tried that again. (Of course, her Father was at home, so I wasn't leaving her alone). She was a quick learner and never tried it again.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Terrible twos are causes by several developmental issues.

1) lack of communication skills

2) getting tired, but not wanting to rest

3) getting hungry


Time outs NEVER worked with my kids. It would have been so much easier if they had. Reasoning did (but you have to learn to think like a 2 year old).

Watch ahead of time for tiredness and hunger, and work very hard at limiting those issues by providing rest or a change of pace to alleviate tireness, and carrying healthy snacks that the child likes; offer them before he gets hungry.

Kids understand us long before they are able to express themselves to where we understand them. Carry on conversations with them, saying things like "let's hurry up and finish shopping so we can go get lunch; do you want to go home or go to McDonald's for lunch?" Or, "gee I am so tired--let's finish up so we can take a rest." Ask them to tell you what they want, ot what is the matter--dosn't mean that you have to get them the candy bar, but acknowledging that they want it can be helpful. Teach them words and sentences, and carry on conversations regularly--the more they learn to communicate, the better they can express themselves.

 

[sparkles2307]

Quote:
Yes all valid points. I have always spoken to my kids in this manner, because I believed that they could understand me from the get go. That might be part of the reason we have had a relatively easy time compared to a lot of the stories I hear. I have high standards for behavior tho, my idea of "terrible" is other people's idea of "normal every day behavior".

 

[PotterWatch]

Being consistent is the key. If you stick to those time outs every single time and don't let them get away with it, it will get easier. When you are inconsistent, that is when things can get really out of hand. Try and let him help you with things when you are out somewhere. Give him jobs to do, things to remember so that he feels helpful. No matter what you do, it can be a trying time since they just don't have the communication skills they need, but they know they want to communicate. Just stick with it!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
It's okay to have different rules for behavior in different locations (can't eat in the living room at home, but we can at Aunt Cindy's and at Grandma's; pick up toys before lunch at Grandma's, but at the end of the day at home, etc. But NEVER when there are safety issues involved. If her thought processes have so far deteriorated as to teach a 4-year old how to light a match, she should be evaluated now. And she shouldn't be babysitting the kids.