Thankful I have my chicks....Rambling Rant!!!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by definetlydeb, May 5, 2011.

  1. definetlydeb

    definetlydeb Chillin' With My Peeps

    226
    0
    129
    Jul 11, 2007
    Tioga/Potter County
    Boy, it has sure been rough....to make a long story short, my husband and I separtated over three years ago, I found that I could no longer deal with the drinking. We had two beautiful children together, a DD and a DS. Needless to say....the separtation was hard on the DS who is now...16, he is so full of anger, resentment!! Although he is my baby, times are hard, it has been a 3 year battle, between him going back and forth living with his Dad, and then wanting to come home with me after him finding out on his own, the reason I could no longer live with his Dad. We are def in the teens and his hormones I'm sure are part to blame, but this boy is a big boy....like 6'2 or very near or well over 230lbs. Which he gets from his dad's side, my family is all short and squatty...I top the chart off at about 5'1 and 140lbs...so he towers over me....but this boy is so angry to this day, and now I have just learned that once again he is failing 4 of his classes!!! This is not the first time, although he is a very smart kid, he just plain refuses to do his work. I have tried and tried, taken this away, taken that away, he's been grounded..nothing phases him. Every time this happens, he lies to me, tells me that he is not failing or it is because of his test scores being that he just can't get it. Well, my DD has a learning disability and she graduated last year, she was one of those that would study and study and study and it just didn't work, she spent most of every eve working on homework, just trying to understand. Well, needless to say, she did graduate, but it wasn't easy!!! But, from past experience I do know, for a fact, that if you do your homework, and do it well...you will pass your class, test scores my bring it down to a barely passing, but homework can definetly make or break you. Well, I once again confronted DS last nite, not good, he blames test scores, I try to explain, I know better than that, a 28% is because you are putting forth no effort what so ever...well, here we go once again, "I'm going to live with my Dad"!! I fear that to the worse, but dont know what else to do, his dads whole side of the family are drinkers, not sure that any of them graduated and they spend the weekends, drinking and partying...so of course I don't want that, but...the boy is 16, what can I do, what should I do, I have tried and tried to make him realize that he needs to get it together, but, now failing 4 classes, not enough time to bring them to passing, unless he works a miracle. Do I need to add that he has to make up two classes from last year, because he failed??? I am just about to give, I can only do so much, he is the one who has to put forth the effort and get it together. I am just so saddened and hurt, now, I am to blame...don't kids do that well(blame the parents)??? I have to admit, both of my kids are spoiled, and there was a period, where I babied them and felt that I caused them pain by leaving their Dad, but....that has been years, and now I have a great relationship with him as the father to my children, that is it, and for the most part...it is good, until....this comes up with the DS...please keep in mind, DS has not seen his father for over 4 to 5 months now, as he is just to "busy"!!(Doesn't paying child support take care of everything...140 every two weeks)(and he is just so darn busy, just no time and he lives a half an hour away, no calls, nothing) I have made it a point to call him several times and ask, can't you come and take him hunting, fishing....oh i forgot...you are to busy!!!! So, how is he going to live with him??? I know I am rambling on, I just am at a total loss here, I don't want anything other than the best for my kids, but I honestly don't know how much more I can handle. At least, I have my peeps and can go out and find peace with them, they love to see me coming....and in return I love them for being there....I sit silently just watching, with the occasional giggle, oh they keep my heart pounding!!!! Thanks for listening, I just had to rant and ramble!!!
     
  2. country lady

    country lady Chillin' With My Peeps

    693
    1
    139
    Nov 8, 2008
    NW Tennessee
    I am so sorry. Raising teens can be rough and each is different. Is there anyone your son might admire and would listen to? I would suggest tough love but you've already tried that. Maybe someone on this Broad has good advice and can help you. In the meantime, be kind to yourself; you are doing your best. Pamper yourself, maybe a bubble bath will calm your nerves. Having chickens is a blessing any time but especially now. At least, they don't sass back.
     
  3. QualityPolish

    QualityPolish Chillin' With My Peeps

    514
    1
    121
    Apr 7, 2011
    Utah
    I'm so sorry!! It's good to get it all out, I'd give you advice but currently don't have any human kids [​IMG] Only my chicky babies.
    Good luck though [​IMG]
    QP
     
  4. definetlydeb

    definetlydeb Chillin' With My Peeps

    226
    0
    129
    Jul 11, 2007
    Tioga/Potter County
    Quote:Thanks Country lady....and you are so right, they so don't sass back...well, not yet anyhoo!!! Thanks for listening to my rant, I trully appreciate it!!!
     
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
    122
    458
    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    You're doing your best.. thats all you can do. [​IMG]
    Yep..teens can be a major handful sometimes...
     
  6. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Carols Clucks

    Carols Clucks Chillin' With My Peeps

    1,790
    21
    153
    Oct 13, 2010
    Oh boy could we have some "fun" taking over coffee!!!!

    I am going to assume that your son has been screened and does not have the same or similar learning disability as your daughter, but if not, he is old enough to sit on a calm day and discuss what he feels is the issue (test wise)

    As I just told my son, I love you enough to not help you destroy your life and if that means kicking you out and your paying a ton in rent to some one, I will (he is 18).

    No one can make him WANT good grades, he has to want them himself. Maybe on a cooler head day (for him) you can ask him what his life goals are and how he plans on reaching them. It may help to take him to a local Junior College and talk with a admissions counselor and hear for himself what they require (you know us foolish moms who know nothing......)

    Good luck and HUGS
     
  8. Mattemma

    Mattemma Overrun With Chickens

    5,314
    59
    291
    Aug 12, 2009
    Hugs! I would try to avoid him going to dads at all costs. If addiction takes hold of him his life will be seriously messed up.My brother is 42 and has been dealing with addiction for 20 years now.

    Are online schools an option? Or could he just take his GED to finish HS requirements and then focus on interests,local college classes,or work? My dd has no interest in HS and when the time comes she will take the GED so she can move on to college and/or work.
     
  9. sheaviance1

    sheaviance1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 7, 2010
    Tennessee
    I don't have any advice, as I am having struggles with my own right now. But, I thought I would stop by (someone said coffee) and commiserate for a minute.

    The teenage years seem to be God's way of making a transition in a mother's heart from "they will always be my little baby" to "I am ready for you to go and start your life".

    In the case of my son, we are in the part where Momma had to learn a lesson. My lesson was, sometimes you have to watch them fail, and fail miserably, because at this point, a hard life lesson is in order. Most of us only learn by experience, and Lord knows I made more than my share of mistakes to learn from.
     
  10. ChicaChicken

    ChicaChicken Chillin' With My Peeps

    100
    1
    93
    Apr 14, 2011
    Michigan
    [​IMG]
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by