The corny jokes of the day!

[chickencoop31320]

Q. what do you call a guy hanging on your wall?

A. ART!

A duck walked into a pharmacy, looked at the clerk and said "give me some chapstick & put it on my BILL"

 

[Elchick]

Ooo touche!

A man walks into a bar with his golden retriever. He sits down at the counter and asks for a drink. The bartender notices the dog and confronts the man saying, "I'm sorry sir, but we have a strict 'No Dogs Allowed' policy here. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Thinking quickly, the man replies, "But sir, this is my Seeing-eye dog." The bartender apologizes and immediately serves the man his drink. Upon leaving the building, he bumps into another man with a dog. The second man asks him how he managed to get into the bar with his dog. The first man replies, "Simple. Just say its your Seeing-eye dog. The bartender will let you right in." The second man thanks the first, puts on a pair of sunglasses, and enters the bar with his dog. The bartender stops him saying, "I'm sorry sir, but no dogs are allowed in here. You'll have to leave." The man answers just as he was instructed to: "Oh but sir I must have my Seeing-eye dog with me." The bartender looks at the dog skeptically. "A chihuahua?" The man cries, "They gave me a chihuahua?!!!"

 

[chickencoop31320]

An obviously blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog on a leash. He sits down and orders a beer... A moment later he hurls the dog into the air above his head, swings it around in a circle for a few seconds and returns the dog to the floor. The bartender sees all this and in a stern voice asks the blind man "just what was that all about?!?!?" the blind man replys calmy "oh I was just taking a look around"

I'm here all week, try the veal

 

[Elchick]

Hahahaha!!

Q. How did the blind man burn his ear?
A. He answered the iron.
Q. How did he burn his other ear?
A. They called back.

Q. How did the blind man burn his hand?
A. He tried to read the waffle iron.

 

[Crickett]

Man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. He sits down and orders a beer. The duck drinks it. The bartender says, "What is that?" and points to the duck. The duck says "I don't know, it started as a pimple on my butt!"


HAR-DE-HAR-HAR!

 

[ChickenCharmer]

Quote:

 

[troutbum]

Okay, these are old, but so am I (easily amused too)

A horse walks into the bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A three legged dog walks into the bar, looks over the other patrons and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

What did the gay horse order at the bar? "Heyyyyyyy" (no offense intended to any gay horses who may be reading this.)(Come to think of it, if you are a horse and reading this, regardless of your orientation, you should check out BYC's sister site, Back Yard Herd)

A mushroom goes into the bar and before he can even place his order the bartender says, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind" The mushroom replies, "Why? I'm really a fungi"

and finally.....

A rope walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "get out of here, we don't serve rope" Thinking quickly, the rope goes into the bathroom, messes up his hair and returns to the bar. Once again, he orders his drink. The bartender looks up and says, "I told you to get out of here, aren't you a rope?" The rope looks the bartender in the eye and says, "No, Im a frayed knot"

Thank you. I'll be here all week and please, don't forget to tip the wait staff. Good night!!

 

[chickencoop31320]

Just the other day a man decided to go ice fishing.
He gathered all his gear and set out on the ice.
Just as he was about to drill a hole in the ice to begin fishing, a LOUD voice said "there are no fish under the ice there!"
The man took it as a sign from God and moved all his belongings a little farther down and started to drill.
Again a LOUD voice said "there are no fish under the ice there!" The man again took it as a sign and moved a little farther down.
Just as he began to drill the LOUD voice again stated "there are no fish under the ice there!"
This time the man didn't move, he said "Lord, is that you???"
The voice answered back "no sir, this is the ice rink manager... we're gonna have to ask you to leave the arena!"